Link Up With These Girls in Chainmail

For some, crafting their own chain mail isn't enough. They have to push the envelope.

In the case of this Ren Faire cosplayer, it's through the magic of face paint glitter. Edgy, even in 2011's makeshift 17th century.

This picture was taken before their prom dates arrived. They went to a magnet school.

If you're going to pull a Red Sonja on top, you better have a Red Sonja to match on the bottom. And by bottom I mean the top under your chainmail, obviously. What did you think?

Speaking of: here's the real deal. Brigitte Nielsen as Red Sonja.

We love her...but we really loved her in the '80s. Think we'll keep our memories over the now-Brigitte Nielsen and stick with the cosplayers...

Chainmail may even work better on darker skin tones - it pops. Much like those giant half spheres that I'm really hoping shoot lighting bolts. Pop. And fashion's all about pop.

This is something I can really get behind. It may result in a night in jail afterward, but that's a different story.

This girl supports our troops not only with her TLC for soldiers (albeit, cosplaying ones) but also by donning war armor herself. Thankfully, most soliders these days have upgraded to protection slightly more advanced than a chainmail bikini.

A crafty chainmail-wearer will accentuate their finer featuers using the positive and negative space of the mail. In this woman's case, it's her sternum.

This is more of a weekend chainmail top. She also has a sports chainmail bra that is for jousting.

While chainmail may never make a resurgence back into women's fashion the way it briefly did after the black plague, we think that helpful models like this lady could really help bring back the fad. At least, as boyfriends' "surprise" Valentine's Day gifts.

If you ever see your ex-girlfriend at a Renaissance Faire, know that she took your crappy old earrings, necklaces and promise rings, melted them down and turned them into chainmail. Because she's badass and you wronged her and now she likes bastard swords.

If these two rub together, they could successfully replicate the early works of Charles Ives! The beauty of aural chain stimulation.

What happens at The Sea Devil Tavern, stays at The Sea Devil Tavern. You want to throw on your favorite chainmail and mess around with a centaur? No one's going to judge you. Not at The Sea Devil Tavern.

The chainmail cosplay movement is doing their part for the environment, utilizing recycled materials and hand-me-down accessories. This outfit was made entirely green-friendly.

This woman says it all with her face. The only person who gives a damn about wearing chainmail is you - she just rolls with the punches. No big thing. Just don't stand in front of her and the tickets to the Brooklyn-based madrigal group that's playing in an hour.

Blue eyes and black chianmail - what a predicament! No worries, we live in a world where every imperfection can be fixed at your local mall. Slip in some black contact lenses and start freaking out your friends.

Lady chainmail appears to involve a lot of...chains. Specifically, singluar strings that tightly wind around one's entire body. It's like the walk of shame after a night out with Pinhead.

Socio-economically speaking, not all chainmail is created equal. If you have the dough, you can go all out with your mail, accessorizing with weaponry and cloaks. They're status symbols - and few are worthy.

For the conservative types, a full chainmail gown. Comes packaged with chastity belt and crossbow.

All that wall needs is a giant chain wrapped around it and it would match with the girl. Red, white and chained!

Don't let anyone tell you that girls or guys that dress up in chainmail are dorks. Chainmail is cool, and what better way to prove it then finding someone overly attractive, who probably thinks people who wear chainmail are dorky, dress up in a chainmail bra. One look at this lady and the jocks will be rushing to the library for any Medieval texts they can get their hands on.

If you thought Halle Berry's career took a turn for the worse by accepting the role of Catwoman post-winning a Best Actress Oscar, wait til you see what she did after Catwoman.

Her chains may be more organic then her rack, but that doesn't mean this blonde knight isn't rocking the mail. Although it seems a little redundant - what exacty needs protecting?

The most awkward thing that can happen at a cosplay-friendly event is showing up wearing the same outfit as a friend. "Oh God, TWO Eowyns."

These ladies know how to plain in advance and color coordinate! It's key, people.

WHERE DOES THE CHAIN END AND THE CARPET BEGIN?

Oh wait, right there. Well, that wasn't as confusing as it should have been.

Theory: this woman does not know what "cosplaying" is, nor did smite her own mail in a makeshift workshop in her basement.

I'm worried about the girl on the right. She looks just as good in chainmail as her two friends, but I think she's trying to pull out all the stops at the convention. The purple mail, the big smile. She should know she doesn't need to impress us - we love all chainmailers.

Not all chainmail bikinis will protect you from the dangers of a convention floor or a gaming hall. Sometimes, shoulder pads are required, to muscle your way through the packs of hungry orcs, er, comic book guys blocking your path. Dainty? Eat ARMOR!

Did they have leather boots in the Middle Ages. Yes, but they were far less fierce compared to today. I learned the word fierce while stumbling upon a rerun of Project Runway. I am not using it in the same context as people from the Middle Ages would have.

I'd say something similar, but much prefer to let inspirational posters do the talking. In fact, most of what I say is derived from inspirational posters.

So...carpe diem.

Hunting for beaver has never been kinkier.

This girl's lost her head, but not for Renaissance-era fashion.

Not only is she sporting a solid chainmail top, but doubling up with a useless-yet-kick-ass chain belt. No Dungeon Master can resist.

If you grew up in the '60s or '70s, you've probably been wearing chainmail for most of your life. For the younger crowd, they have to pay homage to the time of peace, love and chainmail with their own hippie brand of medieval armor. Could have used a few more dandelions, but it's a good start.

Why can't the daily Disney parade be anything like this!? I'll take the ladies decked out in chainmail over Mickey and Minnie dancing to Black Eyed Peas any day. Even with children present.

Making chain mail is exhausting work - linking all those little ovals of metal, woof - so it's no wonder that your typical mail tends to run on the skimpy side. Fewer chains, less work, more skin.

Somewhere between Joan of Arc and Tinkerbell lives this beautiful creature - the flower vendor at your local Renaissance Faire. Don't dis, the lady's making a living, and looking good while doing it. Any particularly fiesty flower-buyers are warded off by the chainmail. Can never be too safe.

Aslan isn't licking this woman's elbow, he's just bored. Bored because he wants his female friend to go start kicking some ass.

Well, sorry Aslan. First she had to pose for an amazing pictorial showing off her chainmail. Which, frankly, has been a lot more helpful on a personal level then that time you sucked me into a wardrobe to fight your frickin' faun Crusades.

Sometimes you want to come back to your castle after a long day of cosplaying and put on some comfort chainmail. It's not unheard of. Before elastic bands on sweatpants, they just use to had extra links to the mail. Perfectly acceptable.

Chainmail allows for just the right amount of airflow as to be perfect beach wear. Unfortunately, this chick isn't a the beach, but through the power of green screen...

This is the kind of headshot that will get you typecast. If big budget fantasy films where you run around in a chainmail bikini is what you were looking to do anyway...well, awesome. The genre could use a bump anyway.

The gross thing about this lady's chainmail is that it wasn't always red. Only when she got into licking knives did it take on its ruby hue. Maybe that's her thing. Maybe that's your thing.

Chainmail and a leather vest? She's the Road Warrior equivalent of DragonCon. I just hope she doens't have rabies or any other Con-related diseases - she looks like she might bite (yes you can get rabies at convention centers)!

I'm very happy that these two have each other, but dude - look at your chainmail girlfriend and smile. It's like a the perfect geek gift covered in a magical, metallic wrapping paper. FEIGN EXCITEMENT.

Proceed with caution: it's easy to fall for a girl in chainmail but when she's clutching a crucifix like God visited her last and told her it was her mission...well, you may have bumpy relationship. Especially if you're trying to get under her chainmail.

When this girl turns her head, you'll quickly realize...SHE'S ENTIRELY MADE OF CHAINS.

Just kidding. But she may have a nose ring that attaches to her chain blouse and you damn well better be OK with it.

On your way to an outdoor death metal concert? Grab some chainmail.

You won't be the only one.

I'm getting a very "Cleopatra" vibe from this woman, although I'm not sure Cleopatra every wore chainmail. There's a fine line between gaudy jewelry and mail, the latter category being significantly more badass. This lady could be both Queen of the Nile and someone dumping your body into it by the end of the night.

The issue with most chainmail photos is the inability to communicate the entire costume. James Cameron isn't taking these pictures, there's no 3D.

But thanks to the forsight of some photographers, we have a glimpse at the 360 beauty of a complex chainmail outfit. Eventually you'll stare long enought to admire the construction. Maybe.

Seems like kind of pain to airbrush on a chainmail dress on to a naked lady, but hey, once in awhile you throw the geeks a bone. That's understandable.

Oh by the way - THANK YOU.

...and here's the face of Elijah Wood photoshopped on to a chainmail cosplayer.

So, that.