The Future of Video Game Systems

Inspired by: Last Action Hero

Microsoft gets its act together and releases a killer console straight outta Arnold's best movie. Like the forlorn child in Last Action Hero, we'll be able to transport ourselves into the worlds of our favorite movies, directly playing as or alongside our heroes. Whether reenacting the best scenes from a flick or creating our own epics within a fictional world, if movie games continue to suck, it's no one's fault but your own. On my console's queue: Raiders of the Lost Ark, the original Star Wars trilogy, and Time Bandits. Not on my console's queue: The Human Centipede.

Inspired by: Minority Report

The movie that everyone loves to compare to Project Natal features a visit to an illicit virtual reality club. Inside, a man enjoys simulated sex with a virtual lady - and he appears to be feeling it, as it were. In the year 3000, the Sony Laystation (in conjunction with Larry Flynt's head in a jar) will take porn to the next level. Having sex with whoever you want, whenever you want -- with absolutely no risk -- will go a long way in solving future problems like overpopulation, infidelity, and Zombie AIDS.

Inspired by: Super Mario Bros. Crossover (credit: Steve Napierski of Dueling Analogs)

In the year 3000, all trademarks and copyrights that we now abide by will long be outdated. It's only a matter of time before someone puts a stop to Super Mario Bros. Crossover, the game that lets you play through Super Mario Bros. as heroes from other NES games, but in the future Mario, Mega Man, and friends will all be in the public domain. Would you like to see Samus and Nathan Drake team up to fight Locust in the Gears of War universe? How about Master Chief and Knuckles in a yaoi game? Go for it: it's all legal. The Public Domain game system will be an open source platform dedicated to gaming nostalgia, but future people will probably be too busy playing laser tag with real lasers to bother.

Inspired by: eXistenZ

Biohorror master David Cronenberg followed Videodrome, a creepy look at virtual reality TV, with eXistenZ, a sci-fi horror movie about a unique game system of the same name. Using a bioport, a hole made in your lower back by a tool reminiscent of Anton Chigurh's pneumatic weapon in No Country For Old Men, you fit the game system directly to your spinal cord. An umbilical cord connects you to a slurping, fetal mass made of mutated amphibian parts called a gamepod. The organic gamepod creates a virtual reality game for you, based on the subconscious thoughts and desires of your brain and the brains of those you are connected to. The potential for creative play is infinite. On second thought, I'd rather not use a game system that creates storylines and themes based on the collective subconscious of the gaming community. Also, there's the whole slurping mutated salamander flesh sac issue.