Scurry With The Human Centipede

Low budget horror films are fun, but are oftentimes built to be quick and disposable. You really want to rent Birdemic but all they have is Kaw? Okay, the night isn’t ruined.

Every single person who hears the premise of The Human Centipede has the same reaction – “gahhhhhh!” In a world inundated with an unending stream of genre entertainment, the specificity of its repulsiveness sets The Human Centipede above the competition, blessing it with tremendous word of mouth. Cream rises, I suppose.

The Human Centipede, the tale of a mad physician who kidnaps three people and sews them mouth-to-anus in an effort to form one creature with a shared digestive tract (insert “gahhhhhh!” here) is, for the most part, played straight. This is an unexpected move, as it would be so much easier to use the absurdity of the situation for gross-out laughs.

The big bad doctor, played with great aplomb by the awesomely named Dieter Laser, has a particularly wonderful German accent and unusual manner of speaking. When he weeps with joy at his creation’s initial understanding of their horrible predicament, it is, and I’m really not kidding when I say this, a nuanced and thoughtful moment. Laser’s performance is just whacked-out enough to let you understand his joy . . .until you realize there are three screaming victims trapped in a twisted nightmare at his feet.

The scene that goes over best with the audience – and the one some are already quoting – is the only time Laser steps into camp. “Feed her! Feed her!” (and I’ll let you think about the accompanying imagery) he shouts, and it is this scene breaks tone with the rest of the film. It’s a shame because the comedy does work, but director Tom Six chose to go the hard way.  The levity greatly undercuts the rest of the movie for me.

This is the fundamental problem with The Human Centipede. Believe it or not – it doesn’t go far enough. Oh, it’s gross. And most normal people will be thunderstruck by it. But, dammit, don’t dance around the edges of something shocking. Jump into the plasma pool and stop fading out.

In the end, The Human Centipede’s biggest shock is that it’s really nothing more than another low budget horror film.