Movies That Distored History

Anonymous marks a meeting point where many history distorting elements come together to make something anew. It matches the false-but-fun Shakespeare in Love with the factually dubious of Amadeus and puts it all under the artistic thumb of Roland Emmerich, director of the history stomping atrocities that were The Patriot and 10,000 BC.

Did Shakespeare write his own plays? We'll likely never truly know the answer. Oh no wait. The answer is yes. Regardless of where you stand on the mystery, the notion that only someone of high birth could have created his works is highly suspect, as any J.K. Rowling fan can tell you.

There's all kind of stuff wrong with Braveheart, and making a comprehensive list would take all day. For one thing, those guys didn't wear kilts. For another, the princess that Braveheart hooks up with was only ten years old when he died. Also, he wasn't even called Braveheart. That name is actually credited to Robert the Bruce, that weasely guy with the leper for a dad. It goes on and on.

But many take Braveheart as fact, and when they picture William Wallace, Mel Gibson in a kilt is who they see. A Scottish artist even made a William Wallace statue modeled after Mel Gibson in the film. Scots hated it so much they vandalized its face and eventually just gave it back to its creator.

The Help is about how a white girl gave a bunch of black maids living in Mississippi during the Civil Rights era a rare opportunity to voice their frustrations over the segregated world they inhabit. It's also a light-hearted comedy in which one character eats a pie filled with poop.

The film's lighter tone makes living in the south at the time seem a lot better than it really was. Of course, it sucks to be a servant, but there's none of the raping or lynching that actually took place. Furthermore, there's always the perspective that the girl writing the book used these testimonies for her own gain. While The Help may be a fun, life affirming look at the racial inequality of the early 60s, it is definitely a historically distorting one as well.

U-571 is an invigorating movie about the crew of an American submarine boarding a German submarine to steal some of its super-secret World War II communication equipment. It was directed by Terminator 3's Jonathan Mostow and features Matthew McConaughey, Bill Paxton, Harvey Keitel, and even Jon Bon Jovi. All in all, it's a fun time at the movies.

Sadly, it is also a film that gives America credit for England's actions. Capturing code books from submarines was something that happened quite often, but almost always by the Royal Navy. The real U-571 was actually sunk by an airplane but not before all sensitive documents on board were destroyed.