observatio
n deck: a l
ocal view
T
he football pitch ismud, rainbouncingankle-highoff
theground.Our players are sodirty they’realmost
indistinguishable fromoneanother,which isprobablywhy
they’vegivenuppassing to their teammates, preferring to launch the
ball likeamortar every time it comesnear them.Whoever called
football “thebeautiful game”never sawStockportCountyplay.
Huddledunder the stand’s tin roof,myself and2,500other fans
are singingour heartsout.We’vegivenupanyhopeofwinning the
match; at thispointwe can’t even rememberwho
we’replaying.They’re slaves to suffering like
ourselves; wrappedup in their scarves andhats,
clutchinghalf-eatenpieswithblue, shiveringhands.
If thiswas thePremier League,we’dhaveall gone
homebynow, but at StockportCountynobody
leavesuntil the final whistle.Givenour financial
troubles, everygameweget toplay isamiracle, and
youdon’t tossawayamiracle.
The root of our problems isobvious.As a club, StockportCounty
datesback to 1883–a yearwe failed towinanythingandnow
remember fondlybecauseweweren’t relegatedeither. In thepast ten
yearswe’vedropped likea tipsyangel from thegiddyheightsof the
FirstDivision into themireof theConferenceNorth– seven leagues
below.The supporterswho clungonareall from the local area, and
most of themaremates.Our dadsbrought usherewhenwewere
kids, shacklingus to the clubwithblueandwhite scarves.Nowadays,
my friends arebringing
their ownkids, andoneday I’ll bringmine. It’s indoctrination, plain
and simple.We’re theNorthKoreaof the football league.
The infatuation runs sodeep that since the clubwent brokewe’ve
beengivingupour free time tohelppaint thewalls and thebarriers,
trying tokeep the stadium looking respectable.Weweren’t paidor
anything, it’s just pride– thewayyou cleanyour housebefore visitors
turnup.The fans runcomedynightsandcar boot sales to raisemoney
for the club; somebodyevenpersuaded the local firebrigade to turn
upwith their fireengineandwater thepitchwhenwediscovered the
sprinklerswerebrokenandwe couldn’t afford to fix them.
As thegamedwindles to itsmuddy conclusion,my friendAlan
starts an ironic chorusof olés.This is something theBraziliansdo to
celebratea successionof beautiful passes.Alan’sdoing it because
oneof our teammanaged topass theball at all.We’re that bad.Not
that it’llmakeanydifference.We’ll beherenextweek, and theweek
after that.After all, everygame’s amiracle.HowmanyPremier
League clubs can say the same?
Nextmonth: Riga
Lifesupporter
ForgetManchester United andManchester City.
Stuart Turton
and his fellowmasochists follow Stockport County FC through
thick and thin. Usually thin
FLYTO
manchester
threetimesdaily.
brusselsairlines.com
ILLUSTRATION: SERGIYMAIDUKOV
august2014
10
