SYNOPSIS OF CHAPTER 7

Loving Beyond Sex

Transcending Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts

    Some of the old ways of loving
make sex the primary impetus behind all 'loving' relationships.
And some individuals (especially men) also believe
that 'love' is window-dressing for what is really happening—sex.

    However, this chapter of New Ways of Loving once again
overturns old concepts, assumptions, & expectations.
As announced in the title,
this chapter will explore the possibilities for loving
if and when we are able to transcend our imprinted sex-scripts.

    Actually most of this chapter is given over
to exploring the origins and dynamics of our given sexual fantasies.
And the rest of the book deals with
the other dimensions of loving relationships
once we have been able to move beyond the belief
that all 'love' is just disguised sexuality.

    This is the chapter that is most changed from the earliest editions.
So if you own either the first (1976) or the second (1978) edition,
you will see that this chapter is completely different
from what was originally called "Love and Sex:
Several Ways to Get Screwed Up and a Few to Celebrate".
If you have an earlier edition,
compare the table of contents for the chapters on sex.
(The current table of contents will be found
on the first page of the new Chapter 7, linked below.)

    In fact, re-writing this chapter was such a radical shift from the old version
that it led to a separate spin-off book,
which is called: "Imprinted Sexual Fantasies:
A New Key for Sexology" .
If you click this link,
you will see the complete table of contents for this book
and you will also be able to read
a one-page synopsis of each of the 11 chapters
of Imprinted Sexual Fantasies.

    In order to keep the pagination the same from one edition to the next,
I had limited myself to just 24 pages for the chapter on sex
in New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships.
And my revision grew to book-length, 176 pages.
That is when I decided to keep that as a separate book.
And so I created a very condensed version of the theory of sex-scripts,
which appeared for the first time in print
in the 4th edition of New Ways of Loving in 2001.
Those 24 pages were revised for the 5th edition—2003.
Still more improvements were included in the 6th edition—2007.

   The hypothesis of sex-scripts suggests that our sexual responses
are not natural (given by our genes like animal sexuality)
but result from sudden and permanent imprinting
at critical periods in our psycho-sexual development.
If this hypothesis is substantially correct,
it has profound implications for our sexual relationships.

    To what degree are we merely enacting sex-scripts
that were imprinted in our adolescent years—or earlier?
If our sexual responses sometimes seem out of tune
with the adult persons we have become,
perhaps this is because our sexual imprinting is permanent
—that our fantasies do not change as we mature in other ways.

    Most of us will have to learn to cope with our imprinted sex-scripts.
But this chapter also offers another alternative
—transcending our imprinted sexual fantasies
when we create loving relationships of such power and depth
that the interpersonal dynamics become more important
than the prior sexual impulses either of us brought to the relationship.

HOW READING
"Loving Beyond Sex:
Transcending Our Imprinted Sex-Scripts"
MIGHT CHANGE YOUR LOVE-LIFE

If reading this chapter enables you to understand
how at least some of your past relationships
were shaped by your imprinted sexual fantasies,
this could be an enlightening break-thru in your style of loving.
If you move beyond imprinted sexual dynamics,
you will discover other bases for loving,
such as the sharing of your Authentic projects-of-being.

Your imprinted sex-scripts will always remain somewhere in the background.
But if you have learned to cope creatively with these sexual responses
or if you have even learned how to transcend your sexual fantasies,
then whole new ways of loving are opened for you.
Only you can decide what other foundations
you will create for your specific loving relationships.

revised 8-4-2007; 2-13-2014; 2-27-2017;