NOVEMBER 1 2007
AMERICANWAY 43
“playing somuch that you get calluses.” Af-
tercountlessgamesandmore lopsided loss-
es than I can remember, I finally improve a
little. In fact, on one fateful night, shortly
beforeHeavy goes home, I lose by just one
touchdown. Forme, that’s avictory. Idance
inmy living roomasHeavywalks out.
WeekSix
Heavy tellsme that I’mnot ready to takeon
Fool—or anyotherpro, for thatmatter.He
tellsme I needmore seasoningbefore I can
stepup to that level.Healso thinks it’s a re-
ally bad sign that I still haven’t connected
my machine to the Internet. He says I’m
“technotarded.”But, beingagoodpal,he in-
vitesme toaminiMadden tournament he’s
hosting. There’s a $50 entry fee, thosewho
place in the top threewill bepaid, and there
willbeabout20competitors.Itsoundsgood
tome. I tell him I’ll be there.Hey, it’s not a
competitive gaming league, but evenDerek
Jeterhad topayhisdues in theminors.
TheHeavyKevy Invitational
I could bore you with the details of how
amazingly I played, of long touchdown
passes and fantastic interceptions. I could
tell you about how, unexpectedly, I blazed
through a field that had more than one
Madden Challenge veteran in it (Heavy
andhis friends regularlyplay in the tourna-
ment). I could tell you that I took fir tplace
andwon the sweet, sweet cash. I could tell
youallof that…butI’dbe lying. Inactuality,
I got smoked. I lost two games in adouble-
elimination tournament by incrediblywide
margins — the wizards at MIT probably
think it’s mathematically impossible for a
person tobe so terribleat something.
So, WhERE doES
that leave me? Well,
after nearly two months of training and
numerous beat downs, I’ve become abject.
It appears that I’m not cut out to become
a professional gamer. (You’re safe for now,
Fool, but sleepwithone eyeopen.) It seems
that I’ll have to keep doingwhat I’m doing
— stringing together words in the hopes
that some publication with deep pockets
will havemercyonme.
And who knows? Maybe that Bazooka
Joe jobwill openup soon.Que sera, sera.
JohNGoNzAlEz
is a staff writer at
Bosto
Magazi e
. His han-
dle, if he can ever figure out how to connect his console to the
Internet, will beGonz1lla99.
AW
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