The tabloid take on history is a particularly awesome one – dead people can’t sue you, after all, so you can write whatever crazy crap you desire. This report insinuates that starlet Marilyn Monroe was perforated by a Dracula and turned into a blood-drinking undead hottie with her sights set on JFK. We salute the brave FBI agents who prevented the creation of the first vampire President. Of course, then Richard Nixon would become the first vampire President, so maybe this wasn’t such a big deal.