Comedy
Lousy Authority Figures
Some caretakers are irresponsible, while others are flat-out dangerous. We pick the lousiest authority figures you could ever leave your kids with.
by
Evan Saathoff
March 15, 2012
You can't throw a rock these days without hitting someone who's up in arms about keeping children safe. While that can seem like an overreaction when talking about facebook and satanic messages in rock lyrics, it's somewhat appropriate when picking children caretakers. The meth-head with a facial tattoo next door might be as harmless as a butterfly, but it's probably best not to take that gamble with your children. Because these things are never as obvious as you'd hope, we've compiled a list of the eleven worst authority figures you could leave your child with.
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Happiness' Bill Maplewood is a good dad. Watching him with his child, you might get the idea that he'd be a good caretaker for your child, too, if you ever need a babysitter. This would be a huge mistake. Speaking frankly, he will drug and then rape your kid. Actually, he only drugs and rapes little boys, so if you have a girl she'll probably be okay. Then again, he does have a weird son. On second thought, just don't let any of your kids stay at the Maplewood residence.
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