We all talk about Washington sucking us dry, but if self-proclaimed Satanist vampire Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey had won his bid for President in 2004 or 2008, we’d have a real bloodsucker in office. Sharkey earned his nickname when, during his 2006 run for Governor of Minnesota, he promised to personally impale anybody convicted of terrorism in the state. His party? The “Vampires, Witches And Pagans Party.”