Plan Your Points of Attack
Know what you want at a specific store
before you go lining up. It's absolutely crucial. Cruise around the
retail areas, see which lines are the longest and what's the highest on
your priority list, and what's bound to be the hottest items of the
season and make your decision from there. Per usual, televisions are
going to be up there, but the Nintendo 3DS will likely be the device
that everyone is seeking this holiday season for the youngins.
Load Up
At The Thanksgiving Table
Getting a complete balance of carbohydrates
and protein will give your body enough energy to keep going--plus it
will keep your body warm and toasty! So, don't be afraid to get extra
helpings of things--except dessert and sweet potato casserole. Sugar
based servings are just going to make you crash, and will slow you down
in comparison to your non-sugar consuming opponents.
Rations, Rations, Rations
You've just had Thanksgiving Dinner,
and you're probably full of so much turkey, stuffing and green bean
casserole to last you a lifetime. But, we're men, and like it or not, we
often get hungry/thirsty at odd hours of the night. My suggestion? The
ultimate power food combination: Jerky and Coffee. Might I suggest
hopping down to your local 7-11 and picking up some Perky Jerky's Turkey
Jerky--by far the best money can buy. And sure, coffee is going to be a
big risk in the "having to go to the bathroom department" but it's
going to keep you awake and give you enough stamina to run and grab
those bargains. Oh and bring a water bottle--I'm a big fan of CamelBak's
wonderful design.
Bundle Up
I've waited in line a few times for a few
items--the Nintendo Wii, iPhone 3G, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. One of the
most important things in helping me not fall asleep was staying warm.
Layers, layers, layers. Long Johns are crucial. If you have one of those
USB-powered jackets, now is the time to show it off. If not, throw on
some GORE-TEX or that Dallas Cowboys Starter jacket that you used to
think you were so fly in, and be prepared to face the cold. And if you
have them, throw on some iPhone-friendly gloves so that you can still
game while you're in line. And a blanket--definitely a blanket.
Charge Up Those Devices
Don't be that guy that keeps asking to
borrow their friend's smartphones to check their fantasy results from
Thursday's NFL games, make sure to charge up your device before you get
out to your Black Friday destination. Otherwise be prepared for a few
hours of boredom. Trust me, you'll forget all about how cold you
are and how long you're waiting if you have enough juice on your phone
to get you through a few episodes of Breaking Bad on Netflix.
Bring-A-Buddy
Remember the buddy system? Sure, we use it when we go out
to bars, or on Xbox Live playing Spec Ops on Modern Warfare 3, but it
applies to Black Friday too. When you need something from 7-11, or need
to go to the bathroom, your buddy is going to be in line, defending you,
and fending off any naysayers that say you're a line cutter. Having a
buddy in line with you to keep you company and maintain your sanity is
crucial for Black Friday success.
Stay Comfortable, Bring A Chair
Sitting on the cold pavement is
going to get old after a while--and you're going to start feeling like
you have a gluteus minimus. So, make sure to bring a chair. It doesn't
matter what it is--beach chair, kitchen chair, that old Lay-Z-Boy you're
looking to toss, or those awkward soccer mom chairs. If you're real
crafty, you'll bring one with cupholders to hold your drink and side
pockets for your rations--but most importantly, it's going to keep your
body from succumbing to the uncomfortable terrain of the sidewalk.
Bring Some Headphones
It kind of goes hand in hand with charing up your
device, but headphones are essential. No one wants to listen to you
blaring your Dubstep Super Mario Bros remix on Spotify as you wait in
line. Really. So, get whatever headphones you can find--preferably one
with an in-line microphone with track changing buttons so you can keep
screen brightness to a minimum and answer the occasional calls. As guys,
all phone calls should always be kept to a minimum.
Analyze Your Situation, Take The Girl or Leave Her Behind
Your
girlfriend/wife can be your Black Friday friend or foe. So it's best to
send her on her way to another store with her gal pals and let them do
their own Black Friday thing. But, if you know your situation, and your
girl is the closest thing to a buddy that you can get, then bring her
along. However, there are many things that your girl can do to put a
wrench in your Black Friday goodness. She can take your smartphone to
have her own mini-marathon of Glee or go to the bathroom right before
the Best Buy doors open and just totally throw off your game. Then
again, if she has her own smartphone, hates Glee, and wants to snag that
beautiful HDTV just as much as you do, then by all means, she'll be
quite the secret weapon. Unless you want to be "that guy" at Kohl's, I'd
suggest you make your decision carefully.
Find Those
Port-A-Potties
Your bladder is going to be your worst enemy during
your Black Friday line-waiting junket so it's important to identify
Port-A-Potties or locations with 24-hour bathrooms. If the store you're
waiting in front of is nice enough, they'll likely splurge and put out
some port-a-potties for their loyal customers. But if not, your best bet
is to find a local eatery that's open 24 hours, or a bush. Might I
suggest the eatery if you don't want to spend the night with a nice
ticket from your local law enforcement.
Leave Unscathed With Your Loot
In Tow, As A Gentleman
Most importantly, make it out safely with the
items you set out to buy. Don't trample over people, or get into fights.
Really, is that 20 dollar discount on Gears of War 3 worth giving
someone your left hook, or taking one for that matter? Avoid
confrontation--have tunnel vision but be respectful to the people around
you. No one wants to be that crazy guy who is flinging themselves over
people like a running back trying to get into the endzone. Get to the
register, checkout, go home and get some sleep. You've just
