I never got into Wonder Woman. That was my older sister's thing. I dealt with her on the Superfriends, but that was about it.
Also: Superman: Doomsday didn't do it for me, I was warned against Justice League: The New Frontier and Batman: Gotham Knight, although cool, was a collection of shorts, not a full feature.
So do I sound like someone who wanted to see Wonder Woman? After an exhausting day of schlepping a heavy backpack and eating nothing but a Honey Nut Cheerios bar I grubbed off of a co-worker? Heck no. This was one of the times when my really cool job that everyone is jealous about actually felt like a job.
So here's the punchline: Wonder Woman is frickin' fantastic. Sixty seconds into this movie there are decapitations, Cyclopses, winged purple beasts and hot hot HOT warrior women. And awesome dialogue: "My spear is thirsty! It shall drink healthily of blood tonight!"
This new Wonder Woman is now the quintessential origin story. We see the Amazons after their battle with Ares, creating the man-free island of Themyscria. And what do they do on this island? They wear hot tiny outfits and practice combat. And ride around on horses and bathe!
From the clay of Themyscria, the Queen (Hippolyta) creates a daughter, Diana, who can do battle better than any of the other Sisters on the island.
Trouble comes to town when a fighter pilot drops crash lands on the island. One lasso of truth later and he's telling Hippolyta that her daughter has a terrific rack.
After an awesome battle of talents to see who will be the Emissary to bring the pilot back (archery! chariot races! feats of courage!) Diana gets the classic red white and blue outfit (a salute to the nation they are visiting) and Amazon bracelets to deflect...well...you know.
The post-feminist back and forth between the pilot (Nathan Fillion) and Diana (Keri Russell) is surprisingly mature and clever. We've come so far in this dialogue that Fillion actually gets to argue, a bit, for "understanding guys' rights."
But Ares (who escapes Themyscria's prison by wooing a wounded Amazon) still does his most brutal and dickish moves in front of the very phallically framed Washington Monument.
Fetishists are gonna lose their minds for this film. There are multiple shots looking up at Wonder Woman as she slams her boot right in the camera. Or busting out of a restricting outfit from the "world of men" and showing off what Zeus gave her. This DVD has replay value.
The big boss fight takes place on the Washington Mall, with a tough as nails Wonder Woman kicking much ass. The Amazons come to her aid, but Ares (roaring like an angry Greek God will do) raises fallen Amazons from the dead. Zombie Greek Hotties! I won't give away the specifics of the final fight, but it works out really nice. And the Wonder Woman adventures can begin.
We see a glimpse of that before the closing credits....and that includes a certain feline baddie.
RATINGS:
Writing: A-
Directing: A-
Performances: A-
Visual Appeal: A-
Overall: A-
VITALS:
Release Date: March 3, 2009
Studio: Warner Brothers/DC Animated
Genre: Action Adventure
MPAA Rating: PG-13
