There are no shortage of people out there ready to break down how the entire Twilight Saga is the greatest piece of Mormon propaganda since the last Osmond Family Christmas Special, but we haven't seen a Breaking Dawn trailer interpration exposing its leftist agenda.
If you don't want to dither in the realm of faith, there are many other sources to remind you that Stephenie Meyer's grand opuses are mere odes to a staunch right-wing time before Feminism.
Our heroine Bella marries the minute she's eighteen and remains pure until her wedding night. She defines herself totally by which man she's with. (And all the men want to do is find a more macho way to save the damsel in distress.) I know Forks, Washington is hardly Marin County, but, wow, there's some real June Cleaver stuff going on with young Bella.
But, maybe we see that because we read the smart aleck blogs, right? Maybe we've been missing the true, radical leftist messaging behind Twilight this whole time?
With this in mind, let's take a second look at the trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 that just hit the web.
Okay, you may need to roll that twice, because the first time you couldn't hear anything over the sound of your own squee-ing. Let's isolate some images.
What's really going on, here? Is there any way to interpret the gorgeous and elaborate wedding between Bella and Edward as anything other than a thinly veiled endorsement of gay marriage.
Vampires and humans - the love that dare not speak its name, but, man, they throw an elegant soiree!
GOP candidate Ron Paul recently said that he wants to kill all people who are too poor to pay for major medical care and too foolish enough to get sick. (Or something. I only read Twitter headlines.)
And here's Bella Swan, leeching off the system. Do you think she's paying premiums for these doctor visits as her unborn undead fetus plays impaler with her internal oragans? No! She uses family contacts to get free healthcare!
Who is looking out for the interest of Dr. Carlisle Cullen? He's left himself wide open to litigation. The Volturi may be out sucking blood, but people like Bella are sucking our tax dollars with the aid of the nanny state.
Could Twilight have any more contempt for the traditional family unit? The Cullens, a collection of vagabonds living a rootless lie throughout the centuries, are nothing if not an alternate lifestyle. But the pedestal upon which Meyer places single father Charlie is a spit in the eye to family values.
Why is mom out there galavanting with baseball stars? If this franchise has vampires and werewolves, what about the skeletons in Charlie's closet?
Now you may be compelled to say "Christ is Christ" and not think this image confirms Meyer's right-wing religious agenda...but not quite.
Bella and Edward go to Rio de Janerio for their honeymoon. Where is that, somewhere in Mexico? What's wrong with Myrtle Beach!
A true conservative philosophy respects one thing above all else: property. I know Edward's been holding it in a long time, but does he have to punch through a window sill when he finally makes love to his bride? He can't keep his eyes shut and envision tax cuts like the rest of us?
Oh! And he destroyed the pillows, too! What, was he biting them? That's just reckless, if-it-feels-good-do-it, Haight-Ashbury, Prius-driving, latte-drinking nonsense.
