There are a lot of new and re-released martial arts films that make their way to my review stack, so I've devised a way of determining which to watch that I'm happy to share with you. I slap the disc in then check out the opening fight sequence. If I don't say "holy sh*t!" at least twice, I know not to bother. With True Legend, the fight choreographer Yuen Woo-Ping's return to the director's chair, I think I holy shat about five times.
Ostensibly set in the 1860s at the end of the Qing Dynasty, the opening battle looks more like Middle Earth than anything from history. A band of interlopers stealthily cross rope bridges and use Wolverine-ish claws to climb a dark stone tower. (Why bad guys think keeping their fortresses high above bottomless pits won't one day bite them in the ass is beyond me.) A breathtaking battle blending wire-fu and CG ensues, with our hero Su (Man Cheuk Chiu) returning with victory.
He is awarded a governorship, but bequeaths this rank to his step-brother Yuan as he rides off to start a family (with the step-brother's adopted sister, if you can follow that) and to build a Wushu school. Su rides off, leaving Yuan to twirl his mustache. Years pass until Yuan finally rides back to town, ready to create family havoc.
After killing the patriarch, the jealous Yuan reveals that he has mastered the Five Deadly Venoms, which bestows a mortifying grip. (He achieves this by sticking his hands in tanks of scorpions and tarantulas and going AGGGGGHHHH!) As Su fights to defend his family, Yuan further reveals that he has armor sewn onto his very skin which a) makes him invincible and b) made me shout "awesome!" even though I was alone on the couch with no fellow revelers to hear me.
Su is tossed over a waterfall, his faithful bride follows and they are nursed back from death by Michelle Yeoh who lives in the hills picking roots and making wine. Their young boy is raised by the evil uncle, his feet chained and smothered in confused love.
Su regains his strength in lengthy training sequences with the God of Wushu (Jay Chow) until a big showdown is held.
Since I oftentimes get my Chinese myths confused, I figured this showdown was the end of the picture. The fight was certainly epic enough. But it is not. Su, you see, still has to lose himself and become "Beggar Su," and devise the Drunken Fist technique. Yes, that's right, this is an origin story for the guy (who knew there was a guy?) that invented the fighting style seen in the Jackie Chan pictures (who knew that was an actual fighting style?)
The real conclusion comes in a massive battle royale brawl against Western (Russian? British?) wrestlers (in singlets!) led by David Carradine (!!!). It's as awesome as it sounds.
As this True Legend concludes, we see images of Su spreading his "Drunken Fist Philosophy." If he made it all the way to Ireland himself is anyone's guess.
