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Recasting RoboCop

We help Darren Aronofsky recast RoboCop with Professional Wrestlers

By Jordan Hoffman January 6, 2009

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We recently reported that Darren Aronofsky, the director of The Wrestler, is going to the mat himself. Aronofsky feels the dangerous stunts these large, be-spandexed men perform for us can lead to lifelong injuries and the Screen Actors Guild (they are on TV, and they are performing scripted work after all) ought to welcome them.

We agree, and we'd like to go one further. Maybe Aronofsky should cast his 2010 reboot of RoboCop, still in its embryonic stages, with a lineup taken from the wonderful world of wrestling?

Lucky ol' D-Aro has a friend in UGO. We're here to lend a helping hand (or fist, or metal folding chair) in this task. Let's take a look back at Paul Verhoeven's 1987 masterpiece and see what changes we can make.

Addtional writing by Michael Hess

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Murphy

Before he was RoboCop, he was a new man on the force. A family man named Murphy who liked to spin his gun around and, um, well, we don't really know too much about Murphy because he gets blown to bits fairly early. But he's a good man, you can tell by his earnest clean looks. As performed by Peter Weller, he's got just enough of a blank stare for all of society to project what it wants onto him - especially when he makes his transformation.

John Cena

When it comes to it comes to that good ole American boy look, nobody fits that description better than John Cena. He's still fresh faced though not quite wet behind the ears, kids love him and there's something downright likeable about the guy. Of course, that doesn't mean that more than a few fans would mind seeing him blown away and remade into...

John Cena