“The ships don’t really have names, so we’re calling them John, Paul, George and Ringo.”
Across three walls are concept drawings and sketches (some designed by comic artist Jock) that, if one wanted to sleuth it out, tell the bulk of Battleship’s story. What begins as an ordinary RIMPAC exercise between the US Armed Forces and her allies turns all-too-real when invaders from beyond the stars show up to, ahem, sink our battleships.
“John” looks a little like a flying bug with long “stabilizers” that resemble giant fly legs. Its principle weapon has the awesome technobabble name of “sonic pulse array” and there is a large sphere at its tail end. It emerges from the sea with a glowing orange light.
“Paul” is a buggy-looking helicopter. It has a “sea water intake hose” that looks like a tendril. Paul doesn’t have a sonic pulse array, but it does have a “sonic pulse canon.”
“George” looks like a cross between a wasp and a Klingon Bird-of-Prey. (From the stern it looks like a Heavy Metal Magazine version of a vagina dentata.) Red light comes from its interior and has a definite Return of the Jedi feel. It has “Forward Leap Stabilizers” and something called an “Aft Peg Mortar Battery.” Oh sh*t! Did they say “peg??”
“Ringo” is the most “real looking” if that makes any sense. It’s the interplanetary version of an aircraft carrier, with a major “peg launcher” and different colored sections.
There is also a smaller “regent ship,” which, we can only imagine, is where the head baddie hangs out and plays grid-based guessing games. It looks like a giant capital T with turquoise highlights and tendrils that go down to the sea.
Inside the ships are deep, bucket-like chairs (scoop! we know the aliens will have asses!), weapons on the sides of the walls and large spheres of death called “shredders.”
Okay – so we know there are vehicles and weapons – what do these aliens look like?
We got a peek at some sketches of what the team were calling “thugs.” They are beefy, somewhat Kilowog-ish humanoids, but they also have cybernetic arms and knees. Some are more zombie-ish than others; one of 'em had a crazy goatee and another had bone cartilage hanging all over its face.
The producers were being a little reluctant to say why they were here (though the ships all having attachment of some sort to sea water may give you a little insight into where they get their power) but did tell us that, despite their ability to travel great distances, when it comes time to fight we’ll see some actual military strategy on display.
What I put together was this: the baddies create a dome around the RIMPAC area, blocking communications. Blocking communications!?! You mean, the ship captains won’t be fighting with high-tech radar? Perhaps shooting “in the dark” and using instinct and, who knows, tracking its hits vs miss patterns on a grid. (Oh my God - they really did make a movie from "You Sunk My Battleship!")
It was when this lightbulb went off that Hasbro’s Bennet Schneir did a little jig of joy (okay, I may be making this up, but he should have been doing this) and told us that Battleship is a “closed information game” as opposed to Monopoly, which is open.
Sure. All I know is that when some doofus from the foreign press who doesn’t understand anything about life asked him “why not just make a movie about invading aliens fighting the Navy without calling it Battleship?” I had to resist a singular urge to shout “A! 5!” and ram a humongous red peg into the back of his head.
Luckily, Schneir had a prepped comment about “decades of brand awareness” so that wasn’t necessary. Then we went to the deck of the USS Missouri.
