7 Ways to Prevent the Twitter Archive From Ruining Your Life

As your ex- kicks you to the curb, your first instinct will be to tweet something hurtful. But before you tweet about her weight, her parents and/or her unconcealable moustache, consider a few things. 1.) From this day forward, every girl you meet will Google you, Facebook you and scan your Twitter account for any signs you're a mouthbreathing prick. 2.) Tweeting any of those things would, in fact, make you a mouthbreathing prick. And 3.) There was a time you loved that unconcealable moustache.

Jobs are a lot like relationships. You generally jump through hoops to land one. Not committing to one sounds glamorous, but usually comes without insurance. And 50% of people hate the one they're in. If you want things to work out in a relationship or office, keep grievances off of your Twitter life and communicate them directly. This is called offline communication and will be a path to happiness.

Take preventative measures before live-tweeting self-incriminating photos from debaucherous parties. Print this checklist, keep it in your wallet or purse and review it in moments of doubt:

-Am I tanked?
-Are any criminals/strippers/dead bodies in this photo?
-Is there a 15-in. rhinestone dildo strapped to my forehead?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, do not tweet.