25 Things People Don't Understand About Video Games
It can often be difficult to convince your loved ones and local news anchors that games pose no threat to your immortal soul. I've created a handy list correcting common misconceptions people have about video games.
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September 1, 2010
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No One's Playing For Points
Nobody's killing hookers in Grand Theft Auto for points. Stop saying that. The only games that feature high scores are crappy iPhone apps and emulated arcade classics. If you're going to start criticizing games for a point system, you might as well start criticizing Charlie Chaplain movies for their sparse dialogue.
The Lawnmower Man Was Fake
Just so you know, nobody's getting lost in a virtual world of sex and drugs.
The only thing that comes even close is Second Life a game that requires a Master's Degree in computer programming to make even one giant penis, let alone a defiled world of Satanism.
You Play Games
Online poker is a video game.
Farmville is a video game.
Any stupid interactive ad you're tricked into playing to download malware is a video game.
You play video games.
Guitar Hero Won't Stop People From Learning Guitar
Stop worrying that we're losing the next generation of B.B. Kings to Guitar Hero and Rock Band.
We're not.
There will always be one group of people that want to enjoy their favorite music in new and exciting ways, and another group that wants to have sex with eager humans.
Trust me when I say Guitar Hero ain't handling that second business plan.
Rape Simulators Are Really Hard To Come By
No mainstream store in America sells any video game that features rape as a fun quick time activity.
In fact, to get your hands on a rape simulator, you literally have to know a guy who knows a guy who will take your credit card information and then go to Japan, buy the game, and then send it to you, at which point you'll have to modify for console to get it to a point where it will play a foreign game.
