86
MAY 2013
•
HEMISPHERESMAGAZINE.COM
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CHEAP THRILLS
If you’re looking to pull off
a scam, best not team up
with a toddler
Not long after my daughter
turned 3, I took her to London
Zoo. Knowing there was a
fee for kids 3 and older, I’d
devised a plan: I sat Molly
in her stroller, stuck a baby
bottle in her mouth and told
her to keep quiet. “Slump
down a bit,” I said as we
neared the gate. “And drink.”
Predictably, at the precise
moment the ticket taker
asked me Molly’s age, my
darling girl grew tired of the
ruse. “I don’t want this,” she
said, holding the bottle over
her head. I rolled my eyes as
if to say
Kids!
and—a little
too vigorously perhaps—
reinserted it into her mouth.
Molly stood up, thrust the
bottle into my hand, told
me I was being “absolutely
ridiculous” and marched off
in the direction of the mon-
keys. “She’s 2,” I said to the
ticket taker.
“
And a bit.”
—
CHRISWRIGHT
SURVIVAL TIPS
FOR TRAVELING
PARENTS
If your baby needs a diaper change
midflight, use one of those free tourist
maps as a changing
mat. (Do not try to use
the map to get ar und
afterward.)
Use Band-Aids to
cover the button that
calls the flight attendant
so your 3-year-old
doesn’t abuse it—at least
until she figures out your ploy.
When in a single hotel room with
two kids, try hiding out in the bathroom
until they fall asleep. Be prep red to
wake up in the tub fully clothed
a couple of hours later.
Sweet Assignments
When flying with infants,
make sure you bring plenty of
treats for rows G through K
My wife and I were flying from New
York to San Francisco with 9-month-old
twins, and we were worried. We’d prac-
ticed stroller disassembly until we were
as slick as a pit crew. We’d classified toys
by the level of distraction they provided.
Then there was my wife’s masterstroke:
Following instructions she found on the
Internet, she’d purchased bags of good-
quality chocolate and printed up index
cards with photos of our smiling twins.
“
Hello!” each card said. “This is our first
airplane trip and we might freak out
a little bit. Our parents seem to have
brought every toy in the world to keep
us busy and happy, but just in case, here
are some sweets and earplugs.” It didn’t
stop the kids from screaming, of course,
but at least it kept the dirty looks to a
minimum.
—
PAUL FORD
Cabin Fever
Our family cruise
turned out every bit as
exciting as I’d hoped—
just not for me
Planning a cruise with my
two young kids, I thought
it would be a great idea to
invite Grandma along. What
could be be er than bonding
time and free babysi ing? I
imagined post-sunset din-
ners, late-night cocktails
and onshore excursions
sans diaper bag. My mom,
however, had other plans.
Once aboard, she quickly
made friends with a group
of solo cruisers. And as I put
the kids to bed and watched
Ocean’s Thirteen
on repeat,
Mom and her new pals
spent the entire week tak-
ing salsa lessons, a ending
cooking demos and drinking
cocktails into the wee hours.
Well, at least someone had
fun.
—
CELESTE MOURE
FOREVERYOUNG
Everyone likes to have a
few years knocked off their
age occasionally, but this
is ridiculous
It’s not as if I didn’t expect
problems when I agreed
to go to Burma with Dad.
What I failed to anticipate
was howmuch of a problem
he’d have with the fact that I
was an adult—even though
I was inmy 30s. Many times
a day, he made me check
for my room key, passport
and sunscreen. Despite the
95-
degree heat, he kept
trying to make me put on a
sweater. Oh, and then there
was the moment (true, I
swear) that he spotted my
makeup bag and asked if
I’d brought my coloring
pencils.
—
SARAH WARWICK
