Let me tell you something, sweetie. When you get right down to it, there’re only two types of girls. Girls with long hair and girls with short hair. Girls with long hair want babies, girls with short hair want careers. All the rest are just girls who can’t make up their minds. Uh-uh baby, no way. If there’s one thing I know for sure it’s that no one can have it all.Hey, I ain’t arguing with you there. People change their minds every day. Hell, some people change their mind every five minutes! --haw haw haw--Sorry about that. I was just thinking of someone in particular. Anyway, I like it when people change their minds. Not only is it good for business, but it gives me a chance to be creative. And you know what else? I’m always the first to know. When a girl changes her mind, the first thing she does is change her hairstyle. So, even though I may not know all the details-- but, believe me honey, sometimes I do-- I definitely know what’s going on with people in this town. Hey, if I know what’s going on with the girl, I know what’s going on with the guy. It’s as simple as that.
It’s like this. The reason I know I’m right on all counts is simple. OK, let’s start at the beginning. What was the original career, the one that was there before anyone could even think of anything else? Before there even was history. When I say first, I mean first! That’s right, motherhood. It always makes me laugh whenever I hear some poor slob talking about “the world’s oldest profession.” In your dreams, buddy, only in your dreams. Anyway, no one, and I mean no one, can have two careers at the same time. I’m sorry, it’s just not humanly possible. Hey, maybe when robots take over the world they can-- haw haw-- but not humans, honey, not people.
Now-- stay with me here, it gets a little complicated-- it was knowing this, knowing that being a mother is the original career, and thinking about that, and building on it, that led me to figure out that long hair wants babies and short hair wants a career. It took me years of listening to what they said while I was doing their hair, and paying attention to what they did before and after, but I finally figured it out. And this is it. Mothers-- and it don’t matter if they got one kid or a dozen-- get their hair cut short when they don’t want any more babies, when they’re done with that part and they’re ready to settle into their career. That’s how I know.
Now that don’t mean that girls with short hair don’t get babies. No way! --haw haw-- Just like girls with long hair don’t always get the babies they want either. Just because someone decides something doesn’t mean it’s got to always work out that way. I know I don’t have to tell you how things go sometimes. All I’m saying is that the way a girl wears her hair tells you what she wants, you just have to know how to look. And listen.
Hey, if it’s true for everybody else it must be true for me too. Yeah, I have long hair, so I must want babies. It’s true. But, I always wear it up. So, what does that mean? I think it’s because I have to have a career and I can’t have babies because a certain no-good so-and-so “isn’t ready to settle down just yet”, or so he says. Oh, I’m working on it all right. You’d best believe it, honey!
So, what do you think? How does it look? A little more off in the back?