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HEMISPHERESMAGAZINE.COM
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AUGUST 2012
83
Rule No. 4
PICK A SUITABLE
CAR-MATE
Other thanmarriage or long-
term incarceration, it’s hard
to imagine a situation
that thrusts people
together more
inexorably than
the road trip. So, to
avoid long stretches
of tedium and even
unpleasantness, you’ll
want to choose your co-driver
very, very carefully.
Rule No. 5
WHAT HAPPENS IN
THE ’VETTE ...
Should you find yourself
road-tripping in a sports car,
youwill have the urge to look
nonchalant as youwait at
traffic lights, your elbow
ju ing from an
openwindow.
Youwill also
be tempted
to rev the
engine
excessively,
andmay
evenmake
li le
brrm-
brrm
noises
with your lips. All
of this is fine, as long as
you don’t tell anyone about it
when you get home. It’s a bit
unbecoming.
Rule No. 6
TAKE DETOURS
All good road trips feature a
fewunpredictable moments,
and the best way to go about
finding these is by turning
off onto a dirt road every so
o en. Youmight come across
a quaint old farmhouse, or a
field of fragrant wildflowers,
or a local willing to brief you
on the intricacies of lobster
trapping—the point is, you
never know.
AMUSE YOURSELF
HOWTOALLEVIATETHE INEVITABLE
PERIODSOFBOREDOM
RULENO. 3
HITTHE BUMNOTES
When you’re in a car, all
issues relating tomusical
aptitude are off the table. It
really doesn’tmatter if you
sound like a seagull being
tickled to death. Youwill,
many times during your
trip, feel compelled to sing,
and sing badly. Don’t fight
it. “DoYou ReallyWant to
HurtMe?” is a good place
to start.
EATUP
If you’ve chosen your
routewisely, you’ll pass
scores of great roadside
food joints, and it would be
rude to neglect them. In a
single day, I had a breakfast
sandwich (Becky’sDiner),
a burger and fries (Fat Boy
Drive-In), a lobster roll
the size ofmy head (Red’s
Eats) and seared salmon
(Bar Harbor Inn), along
with a shameful amount of
beef jerky (purchasedwith
cash, per RuleNo. 9), all
without breaking a sweat.
PIPEDOWN
The limitations of dialecti-
cal materialism, the relative
merits of HoHos and Ring
Dings, the time you did the
chicken dance at your high
school prom—road trips
are an invitation to exhaust
every conversational
subject known toman.
Evenmore important,
however, is the ability to
endure long silences
without discomfort.
PLAYSTUPID
GAMES
Therewill be
times when
discussions
about how
boring Face-
book has gotten
will lose a bit of
their sheen. So you’ll need
some stupid games to pass
the time. Spot the Silly
License Plate is a good one
forMaine. Also, Spot the
Antiques Shop, Spot the
InappropriateMotorcycle
Attire, and Spot the Cop
Car a-Hiding Behind
That Tree.
D’oh!
RULENO. 2
PackLight
This is essential, particularly if
you’re driving something sporty
(a word derived from the Greek
for “limited trunk space”). Also,
you’ll be checking into and out of
hotels every day, so you won’t want
to waste valuable driving time
segregating your socks from
your T-shirts in a dozen
easily misplaced baglets.
A general rule is that
you have to be able to
toss your luggage into
the car—emphasis
on the word “toss.” The
Parma duffel from Floto is
durable enough to with-
stand such stylish insouciance while
also looking the part. Italian calfskin, stainless
steel zippers, thick khaki stitching … it feels good to toss
this beauty pretty much anywhere.
$549, flotoimports.com
LEATHER
THATONLY
GETSBETTER
WITHTIME