Over the next few hours, a mutually supportive
atmosphere develops between the ladies and me, as we
bond over mild outrage at Michel’s Jurassic jokes and
our own enthusiastic inexpertise. At the bottom of a
gentle green run called Blanchot, a middle-aged woman
from another party slips over. Despite my burgeoning
status as honorary girl, the rules of chivalry still apply
and I do my best to get her upright.
Afive-minute dance of icy slapstick (slipstick?) ensues,
duringwhich it becomes apparent I amcomedically ill-
equipped for the job and the youngest member of our
group (also the best skier) helps her up instead. It is a
tiny
bit emasculating and I’mdetermined to provemyself on
the final section of the day: a lethally steep, downhill
burst. Sensibly, four out of five of my companions ditch
their skis andwalk. One – and you can probably guess who
–
aces it. WithMichel’s words of encouragement (“You’re
scared like a girl!”) echoing inmy ears, I push off and drop
like a stone. Time for the spa.
As we arrive at the CinqMondes spa in Parc Olympique
(
tinyurl.com/b7xouap
),
Méribel’smunicipal leisure centre
that also houses an ice rink and a swimming pool, I start to
feel nervous. Unlike the ladies, I’mcompletely out of my
comfort zone in an actual ‘comfort zone’, and I have that
naggingmale fear that this will somehow turn into aweird
sex thing – I’ve seen
Hostel
.
Hoping condensationwill
spare any blushes, I head straight to the steamroom. My
companions are charming, but I don’t think hanging out
together without any clothes on is going to improve cross-
gender relations – it rarely does.
The moment I enter, the two women inside
immediately stop talking and stare as if I’ve committed
the most atrocious faux pas. Is this a private room? Have I
broken some unspoken code? Are my shorts on properly?
I nip into an adjacent – and empty – room instead, a
menthol-scented chamber that resembles torture by
Vick’s VapoRub, and exit just as quickly. Where next?
Other than an elderly couple in the corridor, there are
hardly any guys here and it’s another 20 minutes
‘
pampering’ time before my massage.
I follow the old folk to the hot tub, and am soon joined
by a young couple, who immediately start necking. It’s
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