OCTOBER 1 2008
AMERICANWAY 59
cannot fly unless you throw themup in the
air.And thenyouwatch themdo it, andyou
think, ‘Oh, I get it. That’s it.’”
I can tell she’s smiling and I wonder if
Shields isn’t talking just about her children
anymore. She isfinallyflying.
“I’vehad to learn this,” sheadmits. “Iwas
obsessed with my mother, and I suffered
because of it. … Itwas sohard forme to be
independent.SoIamwatchingan indepen-
dent childand learning that this is the least
selfish thing Icando:beokaywith it.That’s
what’s soamazingabout it.”
“Just let themfly,” I say.
“Yes,” she agrees. “Let them fly. But they
Tom Cruise, who took to the airwaves to
criticizeher for it.
“I wasn’t at all prepared for that,” she
says, and I canhearher exhale. “Iwas inmy
own little world, and I had a need for the
book, personally. I felt that therewas some-
thing quietly necessary about it. I was like,
‘What, nobody talks about this? Am I the
only one? You have got to be kidding me.
Comeon, someoneneeds toblow the lidoff
this thing.’”
Andblow the lidoff it shedid. Five years
later, celebrities and noncelebs alike are
muchmore apt to talk about their postpar-
tum struggles than theywerebeforeShields
exposed her private battle. “I think it gave
people who were struggling in silence a
chance tonotbealone inasking thoseques-
tions. If that is all that itdid,well then, that
is certainly enough,” she says.
But just as importantly, writing thebook
freed her. “It was cathartic,” she says. “I
felt like I was at least not trying to sweep
it under the rug and pretend it didn’t hap-
pen,which Iam reallygoodatdoing. Ihave
spentyearsdoing thatstuff:Donot let them
see you sweat, donot let anybodyknow, the
showmust go on, and all that kind of stuff.
Iwent asdeep into it as I couldwhen itwas
still freshsoIcouldn’tpretend that itwasn’t
asbadas itwas.”
Sonowhere she is, sweeping little under
the rug andbeing rewardedwith a life that
is inallwaysflourishing.And today, Shields
seems unafraid to talk about anything. She
isawomanwhoacknowledgeshow thepast
has shapedher, how it has left its scars, but
she’s also a woman who has refused to let
those scars sink in deep enough to define
her. She is, alongwith somany otherwom-
en, a continualwork inprogress andhappy
tobe so.
Just before our conversation winds
down, Grier reenters the room to give her
motherakiss, andShieldsand Ionceagain,
as mothers with young children often do,
find ourselves talking about parenting. She
shares about Rowan, her child at camp,
whodoesn’t seem tomissher.
“She is sohealthy, and she just grabshold
ofeverythingso fully,”Shieldssays. “Ihaveto
remindmyself that this iswhat Iwanted for
her. She feels so secure that I love her that
shedoesn’tneed that constant reassurance.”
“Isn’t that what we want for our chil-
dren?” I ask.
AllIsoNWINNsCotCh
is aNewYork–based freelancewrit-
er. Her latest novel,
Time ofMy Life
, will be released thismonth
byRandomHouse.
