JANUARY 1 2008
AMERICANWAY 67
REAL:
Batman,
a.k.a. BruceWayne
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD:
Batman,
a.k.a.Maxwell Allen
REAL:
TheHulk,
a.k.a. Dr. BruceBanner
After BruceWayne’s parents
aremurderedbefore his eyes, he
vows vengeance on criminals of
all kinds. Luckily, he’s inherited a
fortune, which he uses to fund his
crime-fightingpersona and tobuy
a lot of tuxedos.
Maxwell Allen, who attends
therapy sessions in full costume,
reveals that before he came to
Hollywood, he used towork as a
bodyguard for guyswith “really
long Italian last names.” Hewas
also, he says, involved ingladi-
ator fighting andmoney col-
lecting. “I’ve unfortunately left
abody count,” he remorsefully
tells his therapist.
Tobecome famous. Unfortunate-
ly, that’s notworking out, Allen
says. He explains that because
he looks something likeGeorge
Clooney, he is often shooed away
fromprojects. But it’s not all
bad. “Mywife is kind of proud of
the fact she can tell people she’s
married toBatman,” he says
in
Confessions
. “And she likes
the fact that I look likeGeorge
Clooney.”
Dr. BruceBanner is a scientist
trying to create apowerful
weapon for theU.S. military. But
his gamma-bomb experiment
goeswrong, sentencing him to a
life of permanent split personal-
ity— as himself inmoments of
calm and as theHulk, amonster,
inmoments of extreme anger.
Likewhenever hewatches
The
View.
To take out lawbreakers by any
means necessary. EarlyBatman
even used handguns, and he didn’t
mind leaving abody count of his
own. Later Batman, especially
as playedbyAdamWest in the
campy ’60s TV show, was less
inclined tomurder. Although that
Batman hadno issueswith vronk,
splat, and kapow!
JoeMcQueenbecame theHulk
in amoment of extreme need.
McQueen had sold his Super
Nintendo andbought abus ticket
toL.A., but he arrivedwith no
money andnowork. So he spent
four years living in theHollywood
Hills. Not in agoodway: Hewas
homeless. Then he bought hisHulk
costume and transformed himself
into aHollywoodBoulevard hero.
“Tome, itwas adifferentway of
panhandling,”McQueen says in
Confessions.
Tofind a cure for the ailment
that causes him tobecome a
giant greenbeingwith serious
anger-management issues. At
least, that’sBanner’s cause. For
Hulk, the cause is to smash.
Tobecome famous. “Tobe an
actor— that’swhat Iwant,” says
McQueen, whodoes go on to land
a small role in
Finishing theGame
,
aparody of 1970s kung fumovies.
“I’m out here seriously trying to
make a name formyself. I didn’t
come out here toget in a costume
and stand onHollywoodBoule-
vard andmake chump change.”
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD:
TheHulk,
a.k.a. JoeMcQueen
The Legal Limits of Superpowers
All superheroes have their nemeses and weaknesses. For the Hollywood
Boulevard “heroes,” thoseareoneand the same: the law. Theyareboundby law to remainonpublicpropertyat all times.
And they are unable to ask for money, nomatter howmany snapshots you takewith one of them. In
Confessions of a
Superhero
, ChristopherDennis,whodresses up likeSuperman, explains, “Wedon’twork for tips.Weaccept tips. Youalso
cannot name amounts unless you have a permit.” Argh! Those dreadedpermits.
