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For many years, I searched to be a better person, to become wiser, and to learn how to live a full and productive life, and to be admired. At first, the feeling is a bit overwhelming and tears flow as I remember Nepo’s request to include looking at the lighted candle as part of my meditation. It is good to remember the joy of him running across the yard, small frog in hand and joy in his face, panting as he recalls how challenging it was for him to catch it. May the light in the eyes of our children remind us of the light that is possible in our own. Mark Nepo in his book, The Awakening, asked the questions: How am I different from others and how am I the same. This natural symbol of equality of day (light) and night (dark) is a reminder that light and dark are different not better or worse.
Observation of the equality of light and dark during this Fall Equinox reminds me that deep equality means no judgment or comparisons are needed.
We shared how important it is to avoid fearful story-telling about what is happening and to simply deal with what is happening right now in the present moment. In that moment, I chose to look into his clear blue eyes and said, “Hi.” He didn’t look at me, but his eyes were alive with the joy and pure light of the incredible sun that rose through the window of the elevator. In gratitude, I left the elevator carrying the gift of pure light that had come to me from the sun through a young man that reflected it.
I have a large vaulted great room with real knotty pine paneling and a red brick fireplace. Lauren Jacobsen Interior DesignIf you decide to paint, which I recommend over a wash, then you need to do it all: walls, windows, front doors, fireplace, trims, casings, all of it.
It is a dark starless night, the rain slashes against the window, the winds howl with 50 miles an hour gusts. It is morning, a light rain continues, the winds are not as strong and yet the bamboo grove sways and sweeps the ground. This evening he invites me to light a candle, to close my eyes, to reopen my eyes, and to see each thing before me. If we examined each Life, it would not be what happens to us that would be different for pain and joy comes to everyone; it would be how we respond to what happens to us that has created our unique experience of our individual Life. They had added gardens, doors, patios, waterfalls, fireplace, and fish—just to mention a few of their creations.
I can feel within me the need to know who is the night raider and how can I change what is happening in order to have my world be as I choose it to be. His choices were courageous; his experiences were dramatic examples of how to live and not to live for those who watched his progress.


I’ve been living at least for the past few day in a story of my own making about what others want me to do, how they want me to live, or what they need from me.
Recently a friend was talking about his experiences and how excited he was about his hopes and dreams for the future; I recognized them as both different and similar to my own. He encourages me to ask myself how the things I’m seeing are different and how they are the same and listen to my heart speak. It is orange and it’s light is a lacy hue; two triangles extending from it’s center one reaches toward me and the other away from me. To make that possible, I pulled it out, pumped up the tires, admired it’s beauty, and my heart felt lighter. It is a beautiful spot and it was early evening as the light played its songs upon the angles of the rocks and crevices as we watched. He wasn’t complaining internally, he wasn’t judging others; he was without fear and was gazing in awe at the light. The courage to challenge my own fear in that moment had supported my own pure light and brought pure joy!
In the sunny light side of the heart pool, the water churned and danced, but in the shaded darker side of the heart pool, the water hardly moved at all. We are many flames from the same candle, and yet, just one light; apart we are a flicker but together we make a luminous Life. They are aware that the opportunity to connect must be given their full attention and they have learned how to do that.
Later we loaded the bike into his SUV, and I felt as feathery light as the evening air rushing across my skin.
Since being human with the power of our minds to create stories around our experiences, it is often easier to live in an imaginary story of what happened and how we should react than to see that how we respond to an experience in this moment creates the suffering or not. Growing and aging brought new “judgments” about equality and how to discover what equality really means—not to others, but to me. The rain is, the fruit is, the wood is, the carpet is, the chair is, the joy garden is, Jon Kabat-Zinn is, the peace is, and I am.
The light from the sun had entered his eyes and body completely and radiated outward toward anyone who chose to look. The voice in my head was still, the polling precinct was quiet, and the room filled with the light of choice I had been witnessing all day. It does not; so I reach my hand toward it and it appears as if the light is resting upon my hand.
All these objects, all those I’ve loved, and all those who have loved me are part of this one light.


There in the emails I read: We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be.
Sliding my feet along the carpet, the harder surface of my wood floor is recognized at the doorway. In the absence of fear, it seems each of us becomes a conduit for the Light and its reflection.
The intention to feed the love light within me healed the small shadowed part of my heart a bit more and allowed me to know the joy of this new experience. As more new-generation voters came to exercise their right to choose along with others that had been voting for a long time, it reminded me of how precious this right is to Americans.
What I have never written about is how difficult and how painful it was to be the Mother of a dying son, and what Life was like for me when I could no longer touch his physical presence. I try again; I want to catch the light and hold it, but the flame of the candle cannot be held, it must shine wherever it will or it disappears.
Without judgment of how things should be, we can simply shine and bask in each other’s light.
His physical body left us nine years ago, but for me his spirit is in the sound of the wind through the treetops and in the light of an early Easter morning sunrise. The light shining in her sea foam green eyes reflects what she is seeing through my voice and her other senses. As a physical manifestation of a living Universe with unique skills, hopes, dreams, and personalities, how much healing we contribute is up to each of us for we have free will to choose what we will create.
When I took it to be restored with new tires, etc., the repairman remarked on how well it was made and how unworn it appeared. Her voice falls upon my ears and her words become my thoughts, and I imagine with great specificity how the cherry blossom appears and admire its beauty. Clearly as the sun moved and warmed the pool, the light would grow and the shadowed frozen area of the pool would diminish. Perhaps your thoughts are that your thoughts are true and you do not question further how best to live your Life with yourself or in relationship to others. In that moment, under his white hair and beyond his aging body, there was the light of youth and his eyes held the same excitement I had witnessed in the young girl that morning. For me, Zach’s light infused the darkness around the truck and as I looked from my fellow poll worker’s eyes to Zach’s son-in-law’s eyes, they seemed to glow with something unexplainable.



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