For many years, I searched to be a better person, to become wiser, and to learn how to live a full and productive life, and to be admired. Patience has been my work this year and I’ve learned much about the difference between tolerance and patience. Since that time, I have written of the learning that came from my choice and consequently his choices. As I was leaving the workshop, a young woman came up to me and asked me to share what meditation had meant in my life. Michael Singer wrote a book called The Untethered Soul, and it speaks of the way to let the personality desires play out while the Seer of what is transpiring watches without judging or clinging to an outcome. It has been seven years since this small community called to me and embraced me within its furry mountains and quiet streams. It is good to remember the joy of him running across the yard, small frog in hand and joy in his face, panting as he recalls how challenging it was for him to catch it. My friend has learned to angle his head in a certain way that tells me he is listening carefully sometimes cupping his ear with his hand.
As the mother, the blind child’s face filled with wonder inspires me to see more clearly through her blindness.
Mark Nepo in his book, The Awakening, asked the questions: How am I different from others and how am I the same. In this silence, the wisdom of Lamott’s quote is known somewhere deep in the part of me that I share with all others.
I believe deep in our core of being, we are each a small piece of the Universe, and we have manifested into this unique physical form equipped with the tools and a gift we need to create our healing part of the collective.
Two days ago, a new friend suggested he would like to go biking with my group, but his bike needed repairing. This search for meaning has brought me to this autumnal point, and to a knowing that equality is expressed within through an attitude of “non-judgment” about what we can see, smell, hear, taste, and touch through our five senses. Recently in a difficult discussion with a male friend about equality between genders, I suggested that our older generation seems to have more difficulty with this deeper feeling of equality since our culture has encouraged stories about superiority vs.
This experience has supported me in looking closely within me to see where I discover feelings of inequality as a part of my physical existence. Neighbors dropped in yesterday and provided me with fun, friendship, and an unexpected sacred moment. We shared how important it is to avoid fearful story-telling about what is happening and to simply deal with what is happening right now in the present moment.
From some people the question triggers a feeling of annoyance within me, and I sometimes give them an answer like, “nothing special just the usual things or there’s always plenty to do.” It is more avoidance of responding from annoyance than an answer. A few days ago, Eckhart Tolle’s book, called The New Earth, was mentioned in a conversation with a friend, and I had a knowing that I wanted to reread it.
In that moment, I chose to look into his clear blue eyes and said, “Hi.” He didn’t look at me, but his eyes were alive with the joy and pure light of the incredible sun that rose through the window of the elevator. Living without attachment and an open heart creates vulnerability, and it is sometimes difficult to do from the shadows of past experiences. It is a dark starless night, the rain slashes against the window, the winds howl with 50 miles an hour gusts.
So as this year ends, the compassionate patience I feel for myself fills my heart and it is soft with love; a love that has always been close at hand and seemingly just out of my reach. He looked concerned and said to me, My father-in-law is out in my truck; he is 85 and he’s had a medical procedure today and we’ve been with the doctors.
As I sat on my deck looking out over the city, the leaves of fall were turning the world into bright hues of red, orange, and brown.
I felt reluctant, but I had had some physical limitations during the last year that had been difficult to accept and meditation had really supported my healing. Without being sure of outcomes or things unseen, this is my opportunity to act without attachment and with the joy of what I will learn from the experiences my actions create.
It was a time of change from working long hours to going inward to discover what was left to uncover within me. The withdrawal I needed and the healing it has brought to me has completed this phase of my life. When the time and move is right, something within my spirit will say, “Get crackin.” The patience to wait for that insight has come as a part of the growth I’ve found in this small blue house on top of a hill surrounded by mountains. Academics didn’t seem to be his focus, but he seemed to relish his relationships and became the life of the party and the favorite student to his teachers. Now his spirit of aliveness lives in me and the memory of his voice reminds me that Life in this physical realm is short and that what we create here lives forever within those we have truly touched. Today in the quietness that is The Wintergreen Nature Foundation on some Wednesday mornings, my clarity about what I was to learn came. I am sometimes impatient, but I’m learning to accommodate his need for being on my right side to hear more clearly.
Then he issued an invitation to sit in silence with eyes closed and contemplate these questions. If we examined each Life, it would not be what happens to us that would be different for pain and joy comes to everyone; it would be how we respond to what happens to us that has created our unique experience of our individual Life. I am a personality in a physical body with the power of logic and thought as is everyone else.
Two years ago it was refurbished with new tires, new horns on the handlebars, and had been given a good checkup so it could be used for riding with my new bike group. Without hesitation, I offered the unused bike in the garage, and I felt my heart open to the possibility that the bike would finally be used. It is a deeper understanding that the Universal energy dynamic of which we are a part is without judgment. To honor what each contributes with no value judgment added supports my intention to appreciate all that “is” because it “is.” If I’m walking on eggshells, stomping heavily through a room, or withdrawing my love in a reaction to another to gain acceptance or power, it will be my challenge to ask why I do not feel equal in this moment without demanding an immediate answer.
I can feel within me the need to know who is the night raider and how can I change what is happening in order to have my world be as I choose it to be.
The birds are chirping in the trees, the squirrels are trying to get into the bird feeders, the breeze is moving the leaves, the raindrops are collecting on the deck, and the mountains stand observing it all.
There is no thinking only comfort and presence; it is as if I am one with my feelings and it feels like what I believe peace to be.
As I began, I felt I was reading it for the friend to support him in his relationship with someone he loves; but as I began to read, I knew the book’s message would bring me the understanding of what I needed to know that I was resisting unconsciously. I thought of future losses that could ultimately occur with the experiences of living fully. Freely I stooped to pick them up; they are reminders of my choice to fully live from the most loving place I can find within me in each moment. As I compared the pictures of me as a child and me as a grown woman, I finally could see my own beauty and it made me laugh with joy. His choices were courageous; his experiences were dramatic examples of how to live and not to live for those who watched his progress. The deep longing for companionship thwarted by my fear of losing independence is simple but complex within my thoughts about what to allow and what not to allow into my world. I’ve been living at least for the past few day in a story of my own making about what others want me to do, how they want me to live, or what they need from me. Recently a friend was talking about his experiences and how excited he was about his hopes and dreams for the future; I recognized them as both different and similar to my own. It isn’t dissatisfaction with what is; its more a wonderment of what other experiences and growth are possible for me.
Joy has not always come to me with ease, as my human need to protect myself and those I love is well practiced and vigilant at times.
He encourages me to ask myself how the things I’m seeing are different and how they are the same and listen to my heart speak. Memories of his birth and death have supported me in finding this place where I intend to live with compassion for others and myself and with a love of Life every day and every minute. Today that message is to consider every limitation as an opportunity and to be opened to what is most important to learn in each moment. The ability to bring awareness to the harsh, dramatic, judgmental, and repetitive sounds within our minds contains the freedom we think is not open to us. So to carry the “Point” into an individual Life, who could argue that pleasant (light) experiences are better or worse than difficult (dark) experiences since every experience has the potential for learning by the being that experiences it. Like the similar times of day and night in this season, we are connected by individual and collective purposes with an equal opportunity to live our best lives.
Going back there did not necessarily appeal to me either since my relationship to my former husband and her Dad had become faded memories of love and pain. As often happens with this friend, the discussion turned to nature and bird songs in particular.
It was quickly replaced with a look of acceptance of what was now occurring as she described her coming treatment. I’m grateful for the awareness of this part of me that continues to need challenging if I am to be at peace with what is in this moment.


For sure, I am an active person with a wide variety of interests, but sometimes I enjoy “Being” in my home.
Today I have set an intention to answer the question, what are you doing today, with authenticity no matter who is asking. As the morning unfolds, the feeling of hunger comes and without questioning it, I stretch, arise, and move to my robe. Without thinking, there is a deep knowing that I am not a separate entity seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling this moment, but an integral part of it and without my energy and presence it would be different. I begin to remember the times in my life when I have felt emotional pain and have chosen to override it with thinking. Also this week, I’ve felt the need to remain quiet while reflecting with more stillness than is my normal pattern.
I will ask for guidance to accept what is happening in the moment without adding drama and fearful thoughts or intelligent explanations. I felt impatient with the loss of time and the people that swirled around in the garage seemingly in my way.
He wasn’t complaining internally, he wasn’t judging others; he was without fear and was gazing in awe at the light. The rooms overflowed with food and sunlight and sharing and something else I could not identify.
The beauty had nothing to do with the physical features displayed in the photos; it was the radiance that traveled from my heart through my eyes and took in the world around them. We kissed each other, hugged each other, waved to each other, talked with each other, supported each other, and laughed and yes cried with each other. When I’m in that centered place what happens outside me is like a movie and I can watch my personality, the actor, think and plan and wish without attachment.
I’ve come to look forward to their presence and the feeling of security and safety they trigger within me.
In my view as I watch the water run over the rocks, he stands with his back to me looking into the creek.
His open heart is almost always constant even when he is confused or slightly annoyed with his surrounding world. The memory fills my heart and I see a vision of him in a jaunty Easter hat and sports jacket toddling up the small hill in front of my house; two steps forward and one step back and finally falling and rolling to the bottom only to rise again and begin again with laughter and determination.
It is my full responsibility to live with presence and courage and to grow into the person I am called to be. They are aware that the opportunity to connect must be given their full attention and they have learned how to do that.
This delicate flower filled with color and shadow created by the warm and nurturing sun comes alive in my being and is energetically past to this curious and loving child. The answer for me is in what I choose to give my attention and time too; with a conscious intention to live my life fully not someone else’s, just mine.
Since being human with the power of our minds to create stories around our experiences, it is often easier to live in an imaginary story of what happened and how we should react than to see that how we respond to an experience in this moment creates the suffering or not.
Growing and aging brought new “judgments” about equality and how to discover what equality really means—not to others, but to me. It is not always easy to carry that deep sense of equality into our relationships for we are indeed spiritual beings in physical human forms with old patterns of reactions and judgments. The rejoicing of another’s strength or my own cannot diminish or inflate my feelings about either if I am without judgment of that person’s or my own value as a result. But there we were in front of a house that I had come to as a bride, altered it with the support of my dad and husband to accommodate our family—a house in which I had brought my children, and where I laughed and cried and planned the perfect future. My friend had started them from her plants, and her husband had traveled along with her to deliver them to me and to share a few moments of time.
So she and I pulled out my IPad to compare what we were hearing in my yard with the Audubon recorded bird-songs.
I looked at her husband and there I saw a deep pain quickly replaced with an expression of deep love for this woman with which he has shared many years.
Only then can I make a responsible choice to support the life I want with the consequences that come from making choices within the presence of acceptance. This is not a new conflict; the difference is that I am aware of the thoughts and feelings within this dynamic that create circumstances I do not wish to occur. I’ve told myself that life is difficult sometimes and have moved on without giving the pain its due course and attention. As I sit with that question and just relax into the moment, I feel certain that if I remain open the question will be answered; not by the intellect, but by something deeper inside me that guides my life if I choose to listen. Many days and nights before had been extremely cold so the stream had frozen ice sculptures everywhere with running water painting different shades of gray under its surface as the moving water touched the ice in various ways. The voice in my head was still, the polling precinct was quiet, and the room filled with the light of choice I had been witnessing all day. When I could bare it no longer, it vanished and was replaced with a deep stillness of peace. It protects me and not in a way that is creative; it prevents me from living each moment as it is with an intention to hear the quiet voice that wisely guides my Life.
It is a song of healing and caring for this person I am and the growing Being that awaits me with my next choice and adventure.
It is with gratitude that I accept all the parts of me—the difficult and the pleasant—and quietly surrender to the learning that my experience offers in this moment, and the next, and the next. Now more often I observe not to give value but to learn and to appreciate the insight that observing brings to me about me.
From the middle of the deep pink rise varying lengths of stamens with small orangey-pink, round fluffy dots at each of their tips. My heart aches with gratitude for this small being whose blindness first filled me with sadness; but now has added a measure of being alive that could not have been possible without what I once considered to be her handicap.
There in the emails I read: We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be. It sat and sat, and I would see it with a flood of emotions triggered by the healing and loss it represented. Perhaps the thought is that living alone is not as enriching as living as a couple, but the amount of freedom that comes with living alone is amazing.
Since the evolutionary process of physical “survival of the fittest,” has taught me to judge whether or not I am safe when with another, this approach to Life is challenging and yet interesting and exciting to me.
Only the man, the boy, my friend and I will really know the changes created within us from these experiences. We took smiling pictures with a camera to add to our real photo albums of course, and we spoke of the skill and time that each family had given to this beautiful modest home. I will not seek the answer in my mind, but I will relax into the present and observe what comes to me.
The small shadowed area of my own heart became visible to me as I remembered the losses that life has co-created with me. The intention to feed the love light within me healed the small shadowed part of my heart a bit more and allowed me to know the joy of this new experience. The curious part of me whispers, “go out and take a few photos.” So dressed in my robe and slippers with camera in tow, my hands slide back the door, and I venture out.
The last few years have been filled with the joy of living and remembering his life and what it brought to mine. So when discontent of the kind I’ve been experiencing of late is present within me, it puzzles me as to what I’m to learn this time.
One of me is the movie my personality creates with thinking, assessing, resisting, and this me was the Seer who watches in loving amazement at times. There was a time in the past when this need would cause me to question “who I am,” and “why am I like this;” now it feels warm with acceptance like the return of an absent and beloved friend. She never considered herself handicapped, and her acceptance has brought me bravery and added awareness that life is created by the choice to live with “what is” with courage.
With closer observation of the direction of the winds and of the angles of the sun, it becomes clear that the one that seems to be leaning-in has twisted, has transformed, and has become deeply rooted thereby protecting the other from the elements.
It was clear to me that as a male, he had automatically assumed that the woman in his relationship had to have been weaker or less assertive for inequality to exist. I’ve watched the French Open and seen the victory there as a moment in time that is relevant only to the lives involved.
I will trust the Universal force to support me in my learning and relax into the pain, feel it deeply in the moment; I will no longer resist the discomfort, but welcome it in with whatever message it brings.
I’ve read, baked cookies, watched the birds out my window, slept late, meditated, done yoga, watched old movies, and just stayed in my home with just me. If I find one, I will look to see what I can learn from that situation in the present moment. What a waste of my day!” These thoughts were still in my head as I entered the glass elevator with a few others on the top deck of the parking garage.
When it seemed I should do so a sudden stillness appeared with a different message that said, “Leave the rocks in place;” so I did.


He was a photographer with the tenacity and perfectionism to create a new business and share the beauty of our mountain community with the sick and the well alike.
As more new-generation voters came to exercise their right to choose along with others that had been voting for a long time, it reminded me of how precious this right is to Americans. What I have never written about is how difficult and how painful it was to be the Mother of a dying son, and what Life was like for me when I could no longer touch his physical presence. I smiled with the recognition that it is the Seer that I can trust and I let the Story of discontent go. The need for change calls to be embraced with wonder and welcoming; it is part of the personality that has formed my human experience for as long as I can remember. Without judgment of how things should be, we can simply shine and bask in each other’s light.
As a physical manifestation of a living Universe with unique skills, hopes, dreams, and personalities, how much healing we contribute is up to each of us for we have free will to choose what we will create.
I turned and sped away leaving him to his own period of learning since he had not ridden a bike for sometime. It was a beautiful river, a beautiful moment, a beautiful bike, another memory, and I loved and was honored to share it with this friend. Because they are almost 100 years old, their roots under the surrounding plants, rocks, and soil are entwined with and supportive of each other in ways that cannot be undone.
She said, “He still makes me laugh.” He, in character, chuckled with pleasure at that thought.
This week as I gazed at the two photos, the child and the woman, it dawned on me that the beauty of love has always been within me patiently waiting for me to rediscover it.
With the wisdom that I was changing my own life not his, I decided to offer him my support for sobriety one more time. I am filled with love and gratitude for the ability to write my thoughts and feelings down in a way that enriches and expresses my experiences.
When I took it to be restored with new tires, etc., the repairman remarked on how well it was made and how unworn it appeared.
I have a deep knowing that no matter what my perception is in the moment, the Universe is a friendly supportive force within me that “does not take sides, but seeks only balance.” It is my intention to have compassion for what I hear and see and to learn the lesson of impermanence as I witness it in nature. Their smells mingle with the sounds of the rain and for a moment the blender whirl drowns out all other sounds. With the absence of resistance to my feelings as they were in that moment, my heart reopened to the beauty and life that was represented by all the parts of the watery heart below. The deep wound of loss affected many of my relationships and still I clung to the strength of knowing that I had done the “right” thing. Without the wisdom and acceptance of or “surrender” to each moment as it is, I cannot choose an appropriate action with a conscious intent and honor my need to live authentically in this moment, and the next, and the next.
Her voice falls upon my ears and her words become my thoughts, and I imagine with great specificity how the cherry blossom appears and admire its beauty. This cherry blossom is magnificent, and the glory of its connection to this growing child leaves me speechless and filled with awe for this blessed life.
Perhaps your thoughts are that your thoughts are true and you do not question further how best to live your Life with yourself or in relationship to others. My choice to visit the past because I love my daughter created a rare opportunity to catch a glimpse of time passing in the present, and my gratitude for my daughter and our choices to share our Life sang within my heart; a reminder and then a another memory of time passing in the present!
I smile at the wonder of just being present without thinking something should be different than it is. I could do this and I began a long path of self-healing without the courage to ask for support directly. Earlier that day, a dog had stumbled upon a hornet’s nest and had been stung badly, and a staff member went looking for the nest to eliminate it so humans could walk the path without being stung.
I relived a day when my small son gave my baby daughter a drink from a cup as she rested in her crib; she almost drowned.
Meditation had supported me in staying centered enough to love my daughter and her family, support my partner’s interests, hold a demanding job, and attempt to just enjoy and learn about my life. His essence was generously given in his relationships, his music, his photos, his garden, and his passion for life. I chose only to stand and watch with sadness and curiosity as this unusual sighting in nature played out.
I gaze at my joy garden that is bright with purple, pink, and white against a blue-gray sky.
He lived his life with gusto and without apology, or so it seemed to me as he was remembered.
For me, Zach’s light infused the darkness around the truck and as I looked from my fellow poll worker’s eyes to Zach’s son-in-law’s eyes, they seemed to glow with something unexplainable.
8: But God has shown us how much he loves us – it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!Hebrews 13, vs. I can count on my one hand the number of times I played ball with my boy or took my daughter shopping. I am sorry for myself also because the moments that I missed with my children can never be recovered.
Lost loves, friends, jobs, disagreements with others, death of relatives, and depression are just some of the reasons we lose pride and hope in one self.
We could go on with this forever so today I am just addressing those qualities in single people.
Some people give up on themselves and become self destructive with over eating and drinking or hibernation. If a man is looking for a long term loving relationship or wife, he will look around church, a library (or book store), coffee bars, or social groups. Don’t settle on things that go against you conscience whether it is with yourself or a mate. People with multiple divorces fail in relationships, drinkers are good drinkers, abusers (physical or mentally) are just abusers and players, and cheaters are cheaters. People rarely change and never enter a relationship with the thought that you can later on change that person to your expectations. The following religions or faiths consider Jesus as an enlightened spiritual teacher: Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormonism, Unification Church , Christian Science, ? of all Wicca, New Age, Nation of Islam, Baha’i World Faith, Hare Krishna, Hinduism, some of Judaism, and Islam.
Well to begin with; this promise from God is only for believers and followers of Jesus Christ. You see, when you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior and ask for forgiveness and confess to Him your sins --------- you are washed clean with the blood of Christ.
However, sometimes you carry the baggage of the memories of those sins in your mind and heart. Jesus did not promise that this life would be easy but that He would walk through those troubled times with you. We know that Jesus will walk with us through the valley but God will get us to the mountain top when we get through it. I am sure there are many stories out there of how this verse helped many people weather their storms. However, a lot of people do these days.            Centuries ago, pagan people would make images of things like sheep, goats, golden statues, the sun, and other things and then worship them as if they were gods themselves. Some churches within the body of Christ have pictures or statues of saints or even Jesus’ mother.
That is not a violation unless the statue (or the person) “itself” is being worshiped as a god or the statue is believed to have some sort of power within itself. People now seem to create their own god to worship in “their own mind” and not within the scope of the Word of God (the Bible).
People go around saying god is this or god is that or that is ‘not what I believe in’ but if their beliefs are not in line with the Bible, they are in violation of the first commandment.
God is OK with working on a Sunday (or having your place of business open), God is OK with Homosexual and Gay behavior, I don’t have to go to church and worship Him, I don’t have to give, I don’t have to forgive everyone, it is OK to kill unborn babies, He is OK with pagan rituals, I can be rude to people, God did not make the earth – and on and on and on. Having a good relationship with your spouse, family, friends, or co-workers is usually based on a good two way conversational attitude. He knows what we need before we ask but He likes to hear it from us also with some praise and worship attached.
The first two are used a lot with Contemporary Christian Churches and the third contains extra books as it was designed to meet the needs of Catholic Christians.
I also like the Good News Translation (GNT). It is important that you like it and are comfortable with it.
In verse nine we continue with: When Abraham reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.” At the last minute Abraham was stopped.



Cocky and confident album
Mind meditation in ct