August 26, 2013 Sheila 106 Comments Every Monday I like to put up a Reader Question and then take a stab at answering it.
So let me offer a few thoughts today for those of you who feel that your husband is lazy and refuses to work.
Perhaps you can help by talking to him and breaking it down into bite sized pieces for him. If you are going to be the one going to work, then he needs to understand what it is that he will be expected to do with the kids. Perhaps it could be that you need to go out and work, and he needs to stay and care for the kids. Living with someone who doesn’t have a job is tough, and so many of us are going through it.
I hope that helps, and if anyone else has ever had a husband who refused to work at a job or at school, please leave a comment and tell us how it ended up for you!
So, my advice to you, and to myself, is to accept that you cannot change human behavior, but you CAN change your reaction to human behavior which will in turn force the other person to react in one way or another. I know it’s a scary step and not for everyone, but if you aren’t willing to do something to change it then you can’t really whine about it anymore either. I too have a husband like yours I almost cried hearing youe story and in a way it brought me comfort knowing I wasnt alone. Let me add that he was a mamas boy and still is and I believe this has made things worse because his mom sends him a check every month which I dont see any of it.
You call lazy your husband, maybe, but are lazy who born and never work, like two I know, a man 25 big man but super lazy and a second 23 old woman look for SS. My husband has a back injury which makes him very slow in the mornings till his pain relief kicks in. I know all this has already been said so has the last thing that I am going to say, you both have to work. Well, I suppose someone could go and sell everything, but trying to sell a video game used isn’t going to really net you a luxury profit, so I see why many people would keep their gaming consoles and games until they do get a job. So you’re the one making sure everything is well oiled and he has everything he needs.
They work full-time, and then they get home and she has done very little during the day except for making sure the kids were safe. A lot of guys are really depressed in this economy, and they are feeling like they’re not worth much of anything, which can get them on a downward spiral of trying even less. I just sold one of our three cars (3 because we each had one for work and we have a son in college who has an older used car he commutes with).
His mom doesnt speek to me…thats a whole other story so for me leaving is the only option. My husband worked to support us when we first got married and I was finishing college, but we moved after I graduated so I could go to grad school and it took a long time for him to start looking for another job.
It was very difficult at times especially because he would play video games during his downtime and I would feel so angry because he could be spending that time applying for jobs.


But this is seasonal and weather dependent, we often talk about heading to another area during our slow season but there always seems to be a reason not too.
My mentality is that video games are a luxury of luxuries and should be at the bottom of the priority list, if there is a need that would be the first thing on my for sale list.
If he has things distracting him that he can use as an excuse, take it away and save some money too. In the above emails, though, the problem was more that the husband was refusing to work or doing nothing to move towards that goal, and that’s a problem. If a man is refusing to do any work at all, and is acting like an adolescent, this isn’t something you can tolerate. I have a good job too, but my husband was always the primary provider making the most money and you just can’t lose that amount of money and stay floating in most situations.
I have taken on an extra part-time job just to keep my son in college which means I’m working one full-time and one part-time right now.
I figure if his maid is gone he will have to figure things out for himself and hopefully change. It was a tough process but we came out of it a lot stronger and more understanding of how the other one works. I often get frustrated by this, because I am the one who sees the bills and has to make ends meet, and talk to the bank when things get overdue etc. I find it helpful to ask the night before what the plan is for tomorrow, then get the day started early enough with breakfast and early medication. What I do when I’m helping my girls study is take an endpoint and then work backwards.
I had to sell the house and go into a rental situation just this month over his amotivational attitude.
I will not divorce him because of my religious beliefs and the fact I love him, but I will take a stand and move with our son to a home of our own which will force him to get a job or he won’t eat and presumably will be homeless.
I run his business work side jobs and take care of my fatber take care of my five children and know exactly how u feel.
I have often offered to find work, but he wont hear of it, he is very old fashioned and believes that the wife should be the keeper at home. So pick a date when he’ll write the exam, and then figure out what he has to do between now and that date, and divide it up into tiny, bite sized chunks. I have finally hit the end of my road I decided to move out and go live with my father and im taking my two youngest children with me. Gov must close down Welfare, are a lot of woman have a many child but don’t won work,close down welfare, food stamp, section 8, force all lazy go work and paid back all wrong money collect from tax payer. I was so frustrated and I felt like I was enabling him to waste his time, but for some reason I thought if I helped him find a job, I would be babying him.
He just says there aren’t any out there, but if I tell him about places that are hiring he huffs off and leaves the room.
X from church, who runs human resources for a big company, to look at it and tell us if it’s a good resume or not.


But do make plans, and do set goals, and be on his team so he that he can see his way forward. My heart is broken not because we are losing things, or even our financial ground, but because he doesn’t care we are losing our security and finances and we are approaching old age.
I hope ur situation changes and your husband wakes up before he looses you and everything else ….
I have kidney disease and an autoimmune disease that has been flaring up due to the excess work load and increased stress. I did break up with him at the end of those two months because I was scared and thought that he wasn’t who I thought he was. I worked last month despite a severe kidney infection and outbreak of shingles that included my eyes, yet he sits home watching the Food Network all day. The Bible says that if you don’t work you should not eat, and he who does not provide for his household is worse than an infidel. It turns out it was exactly what you said: he was so nervous to do the initial searching and interviewing, getting a job seemed too overwhelming.
He was never extemely helpful to begin with and when he got laid off he wouldnt even make dinner or clean up and I too have been sick and got shingles twice! My advice from experience is love your husband, respect him, you are his wife not his mother. I’m more aggressive than he is so I was applying for jobs for him during the day (while he had to sleep for work at night) and he would review and sign them. It hurts me to have to do this and leave my home just to get him to do something but I have talked with him encouraged him shown him jobs gotten angry cried tried to make him see what it was doing to me.
I know exactly what it feels like to have something seem too scary you don’t even know where to start and you don’t want to try!
I was frustrated but I felt this I’d what I had to do to help him because his job was physically and mentally draining (he worked at a chemical plant and the conditions were questionable).
I have become a very depressed angry and stressed out person and I feel very alone when it comes to solving problems and it sucks! Maybe find something you can do from home, always be on the look out for how you can make and save money. Now the job he got has given him the confidence to go back to school too, even though applying and auditioning still seems like scary work. And just last night he said that his life is so much better since he married me cause I helped him with finding his job, planning for the future, etc.



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Comments

quneslinec12.10.2014 at 22:18:43
Can be put off if these girls something quickly??you you to land an impressive man, I would encourage you.

QARTAL_SAHIN12.10.2014 at 20:51:53
With the felt like this times a lot more strong than a man's. Of my husband is lazy and doesn't work course, at the time.