I had a reader recently contact me, a little confused as to why a girl who'd seemed to like him had turned down the first date idea he'd proposed and counter-offered that they go golfing instead. This is one of those things that, on the surface, in the moment where you're trying to think of date ideas, it seems like a great one: should be easy for her (she works there, so she's already there and doesn't have to go anywhere), safe to assume she likes it (she wouldn't work at a pool if she didn't like swimming), and it's fun.
But in fact, on further reflection, this is ends up being one of the great many bad first date ideas a man could have, and on top of that it's a very easy dating mistake to make. Today, I'm going to break out what those factors are that differentiate a good first date from a bad first date, and help you make sure you only ever have great dates (or, at least, great date ideas!) going forward. Go on an expensive date, and the girl starts seeing you as boyfriend material and things slow way down and usually the two of you never get together. Go on an inconvenient date, and all manner of things can go wrong and you can be late or she can be late or logistics are bad or other things get in the way and feelings get hurt or too much time is spent managing the logistical nightmare that is the inconvenient date and it all falls apart.
Go on a date with little conversation, and frequently attraction is stymied (but not always! In other words, a girl who might've gone to bed with you soon into your first date together if no one she knew had known much about you or known you were seeing each other will instead push things out -- potentially forever -- if her friends, family, coworkers, or other acquaintances know about your date. That social circle girl'd thought we were just friends, and assumed my then-girlfriend hadn't seen me again after that first outing. Well, from experience, I've found it's almost never a good idea to go on the date a girl wants to go on with her. The first date is arguably the most important date, because it determines the entire progression of what is to come.
Also, if you're like me and you're moving fast with women, the first date's going to be the date you most often end up taking women to bed! Conversely, almost all the dates I've gone on over the past 8 or 9 months have been structured to follow all the five Cs -- they're simple dates, where the girl meets me somewhere convenient for me, I pay nothing or next to nothing (a small meal at a cafe, perhaps, though many times the girls spring for that too), we have plenty of conversation, no one she knows knows about us, and I'm the one who sets everything up and arranges the date, time, and place.
The majority of girls I take on dates like this end up becoming my lovers on the first date. In addition to the violation of the "covert" rule, the swimming date also violates the "conversation" rule -- you can't do a lot of connecting and getting to know a girl while you're doing laps around the pool. Golf's still a date our hero ought to counteroffer her counteroffer on -- it's a little inconvenient, and the logistics to pull from a golf course are horrible (unless you're the only ones on the course and there's a grove of trees somewhere you can take her to go get together in!). You've got to be in charge of arranging the date -- that's how you make sure you end up on a date that satisfies the Five Cs of Dating and that's how you give yourself the best possible shot at having a good outcome and having your girl end up becoming intimate with you.


If you stick to the Five Cs of Dating, you'll avoid bad dates and regularly end up on good ones. If you run through those five questions real quick in your head any time you're weighing a date option, you pretty much can't go wrong. From a guys end, one of the worst bad date signs are definitely when women appear to flirt with other men.
If women wanted uninteresting and unromantic dates, there wouldn't be so much romance propaganda in the chick flicks. I've heard a lot that especially for girls under 25, the idea of going on a date is really just something unheard of. I'm not sure if that is just in reference to the classic dinner date or not, I doubt most guys in "the game" start a conversation with a girl then an hour later are in bed with her. If he’s on the phone with his buddies or texting throughout the date, this is not the guy for you. The reasons why this and many other first date ideas make for bad first dates are a little cloudy and a little hard to see until you're trained to look for them. About a week-and-a-half later, we became lovers (we had some crossed signals on that first date that ruined logistics when she went to meet me at the wrong place, and it took about a week more for us to get the next date scheduled). To build attraction with a woman on a date, your best bet lies in you being in control, you calling the shots (in a warm, inclusive way -- not oafishly, mind you) and you deciding what the two of you do.
It's also potentially a little on the expensive side, and it's definitely not a date he's in control of or calling the shots about setting up.
Get used to structuring your dates to maximize success, and you can really get hitting them out of the park.
Yeah, ending the date after an hour or two can be an effective strategy for priming a girl for the next date, especially if you end it when she wants it to continue on. I canceled dates a few times just because the guy refused to go to my location and kept proposing we go somewhere "new and quiet". I met a stunner at a bar and took her out, was nervous on the first date but she wrote me a message saying she had great time and taking her out later in the week. Even if things are going very well in the first few minutes of a date, there’s no reason on God’s green earth why a guy should feel the need to tell you that you belong together- for eternity. Phones shouldn’t even be out on the first date unless he is showing you a funny picture or a video or something.


Money can make things awkward -- trying to decide whether you should pay for a date -- and money can make a girl more likely to start seeing you as a boyfriend candidate -- and more likely to slow things down with you.
You don't have to have absolute control -- you can propose a date at 1 o'clock, and she counteroffers 3 o'clock, and you tell her that's fine -- but the basic structure of the date ought to be something you decide on. We don’t expect a lobster dinner for the first date, but we certainly don’t expect a coupon dinner either. I'm at the point now where if I tell a girl she can meet me at my subway stop, and she counteroffers somewhere else, I'll often just cancel the date because I know it's very unlikely to amount to anything and isn't worth spending a lot of my time on.
Clearly he has no common sense and he shouldn’t even be on a date if he still has feelings for someone else.
Not to mention the fact that he should stay clear headed so he can remember the date and learn things about you. You're not going on a date to have a new fun activity pal for climbing rocks and hitting up comedy shows platonically).
Gathering data from more than 400 speed date matches, researchers found that male daters placed a far greater emphasis on appearance than female daters did. It is an imperfect market at best, and the unpredictable, oft-confounding outcomes of first dates have served as the raw material for many a self-help book, romantic comedy, and Carrie Bradshaw quote.As the author is a straight female, she decided to investigate the dating landscape through the eyes of straight, single guys - at first, admittedly, to explain some of the baffling behavior exhibited by guys her age. Appearance was the primary deal breaker in 33% of all online dates, as compared to 11% for dates organized through social circles. According to an It’s Just Lunch survey of 38,912 singles, 52 percent of respondents felt that they were too busy to date. Combine busy schedules with a surfeit of dating choices (including the ever-replenishing well of the Internet), and it’s no wonder that many daters want to keep their options open. And in the gay community, Grindr markets itself to those not necessarily concerned about commitment.For many daters, defining and signalling just what they are looking for can be a major challenge.



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