For those with the good sense to DVR Monday Night Raw and watch the whole sordid affair on delay, fast-forwarding through everything that doesn’t have CM Punk commentary on it, let me recap what, while not WWE’s worst storyline, is certainly its least riveting: John Laurinaitis got fired from his job as Interim General Manager by Chief Operating Barbarian King Triple H, but then reinstated by the board. Then, using his knowledge of THE LAW, Laurinaitis’ lawyer pal David Otunga figured out a way for Johnny Ace to get control of SmackDown as well. Mr. Jennifer Hudson’s master plan? Having Laurinaitis go out to the ring during Elimination Chamber (a pay-per-view fans PAID to watch) and say that yes, he would like to run SmackDown as well. Not unpredictably, current SmackDown General Manager Teddy Long feels strongly that the person to run both shows should, in fact, be him.
Putting aside the fact that this could put the final bullet in the head of the brand extension, which while never perfect, I always liked as a way of servicing fans who didn’t have time for two weekly two-hour wrestling shows, it’s also absolutely mind-numbingly boring. Why would anyone care about this? More importantly, why would WWE think anyone would care about this? Is it just a giant rib on the fans, never paying off the Punk/Laurinaitis feud and instead doing a whole thing with Long and the humongous sentient suit that covers his shriveled body like some type of comically large battle armor? What are the stakes? Aside from that hilariously pandering Martin Luther King Jr. portrait coming down, how would anything change on either show? WHY IS THIS ON TELEVISION?
