"Thousands of years ago, these hunters found a backwater planet. They taught humans how to build, and were worshiped as gods. Every hundred years, the gods would return. And when they did, they would expect a sacrifice. Humans were used to breed the ultimate prey. The hunters would battle with these great serpents to prove themselves worthy to carry the mark. But if the hunters lost, they made sure nothing survived. An entire civilization wiped out overnight...
... and they use us like cattle. We're hosts for them to breed. The heat bloom was designed to lure us down here. This whole thing was a trap. Without us, there could be no hunt."
- Sebastian de Rosa, AVP: Alien vs. Predator
Here they are, the best throwdowns in the Alien, Predator and Alien vs. Predator franchises. There will be blood... sometimes green, sometimes white, sometimes with acid in it, and most often red.
Predator vs Mike Harrigan
The climactic fight in the original Predator featured the creature taking on Arnold Schwarzenegger. How do you top that in Predator 2? You have the creature take on... Danny Glover. Uh... hmm. Yes, it's somewhat awkward, but there's something about it that works, if only because Glover, as Detective Mike Harrigan, spends the entire film so freakin' pissed off that you think he might be able to defeat the Predator with just his L.A.-fueled rage alone. Harrigan is so angry by the end of the film that he follows the Predator back to its ship, where he eventually kills it with its own smart disc. Angry, angry Danny - guess he's not too old for this sh** just yet. This is also the scene where we spot the Alien skull in the trophy display - a joke from the art department that prompted an entire new franchise.
Ripley vs. Christie and Johner
In one of the more bizarre scuffles in the Alien franchise (in the most bizarre of the films, Alien Resurrection), Ripley Clone #8 is minding her own business, shooting some hoops in the gym (science research spaceships have gyms, you know), when she's suddenly accosted by the rough and tumble Christie and Johner of the mercenary ship Betty. Ripley's in no mood for Johnner's alpha-male advances (or a game of one-on-one, apparently) - she hits him in the testicles and back-hands him across the room. Christie doesn't like seeing his buddy get smacked around by some dumb girl - he quickly declares, "I have a new game: Tag!" and then smashes her in the face with a barbell. Since when did Tag involve such a violent, random gesture? Ripley then strikes Christie to the floor with the basketball... then sinks a three-point shot (over her shoulder, no less) as she walks away. What a strange film.
Predator vs Predalien
The Predalien was the result of the Predator-Facehugger merging at the end of the first AVP. That film ended with the little hybrid beastie bursting forth from the Predator's chest - in the sequel, AVP: Requiem, we see this monster in all its glory, and boy does it cause some damage. The film ends with the freak taking on another vaguely heroic Predator - and the fight ends in a draw as they simultaneously wrist-blade/Alien-tail-skewer each other. Of course, you know what this means - the Predator activates his self-destruct doohickey and sends all Aliens, Predators and variations thereof to the E.T. afterlife.
Ripley vs Alien Queen
Consider the following: You've managed to survive wave after wave of Alien attack on a distant world. All but one of the marines in the squad sent with you have perished and you find yourself, with only minutes remaining until a planetary-level thermonuclear explosion erases all signs of life, standing in the nursery room with the Alien Queen and all of her eggs.
Do you: 1) Slowly walk away, secure in the knowledge they'll all be dead within minutes and you'll be safely aboard your ship, or 2) Use up all the ammunition you have by shooting/setting fire to the eggs, causing the Queen to detach from her uterine sack and chase you back aboard your ship where you're forced to throw down using a futuristic forklift. Ha! Trick question! There is no "choice" - you do Option #2, of course! 'cause that bitch needs to watch while you destroy all her disgusting freakin' eggs, damn right.
Alien vs Predator
The last 15 minutes or so of the first AVP film are pure stark raving sci-fi insanity courtesy of director Paul W.S. Anderson. Following a fierce battle in which all of the Aliens, including their Queen, are either blown to smithereens or sent to the bottom of the Antarctic Ocean, the body of our heroic Predator is brought on board his ship by his comrades... and soon, an Alien/Predator hybrid emerges from his chest! The two... made one! While this grotesque abomination suggests an attempt to make the two races live in harmony... heh heh, no dice.
Ripley vs Facehugger
There's really nothing more disturbing than the idea of a spider-like creature attaching itself to your face and laying an egg down your throat. As if that weren't enough, upon waking you then have the prospect of a rat-sized Alien bursting violently from your chest - not good. Imagine, then, Ripley's unease in waking up to find her weapons gone, the door locked and two facehuggers running amok in the room where she and Newt are sleeping. Having announced her intentions to the reliably treacherous corporate lawyer Carter Burke, vowing to expose him for sending the colonists to LV-426, Ripley might've done better to keep her whistleblowing plans to herself.
Predator vs Billy Sole
The only battle on this list in which the fight itself is never actually seen, the showdown between the Predator and the laconic Native American in the original Predator was no doubt a humdinger (albeit a brief one). And what a build-up: Billy, coming so close to being one of the film's survivors, decides at the last minute to forego the sage advice of his commanding officer to "git to da choppa," choosing instead to throw down his rifle and challenge the pernicious creature to a good old fashioned knife fight. What follows can be left only to the imagination, though it's over extremely fast: as the surviving members of his squad push ahead to the sound of his agonized scream filling the forest, it makes one wonder: in his final moments, did Billy maybe regret not hanging on to the rifle?
Ripley and Crew vs Ash
It stands to reason that the creepiest fight scene in the AVP universe would come from the creepiest film in either franchise. Indeed, the showdown between Warrant Officer Ripley and Science Officer Ash in director Ridley Scott's original Alien was the stuff of nightmares. After discovering Special Order 937, a mandate from the nefarious Weyland-Yutani Corporation ordering that Ash return the alien specimen to Earth for study, Ripley is set upon by Ash, who proceeds to violently force a rolled-up stack of papers into her mouth. After Parker and Lambert come to the rescue, Ash is revealed to be an android after being partially decapitated by a fire extinguisher, continuing to fight and flailing his body about as milk-white blood sprays from artificial arteries in his neck. Great Scott... thanks for the memories.
Dutch's Squad vs Guerilla Rebels
Question: What's cooler than sneaking up on a heavily fortified camp of rebel guerillas with your elite team of US Army Special Forces soldiers (with the erroneous impression the guerillas were responsible for deeds actually committed by a monster from outer space), setting off explosives, destroying their homes and mowing down dozens of armed militia before kidnapping the most beautiful woman in the village? Answer: Throwing a machete into a guy's chest and impaling him to a wall, then quipping, "Stick around"... that's what. As Major Alan "Dutch" Schaefer, only Arnold Schwazenegger had the charisma to do such things and still remain a sympathetic character for whom people cheered. It's truly a shame that man can't run for President.
Aliens vs Colonial Marines
Their sentry guns exhausted, the surviving Colonial Marines including Hicks, Hudson, Vasquez and Gorman find themselves holed up in an LV-426 operations room. The Aliens are coming and nothing can stop them; the time for a final stand has come. And what a stand. Hudson distinguishes himself in battle, raging against the dying of the light - his is a hero's death. Gorman, likewise; timorous no more, he joins Vasquez, who requites his act by calling him an asshole with her final words, signifying that she has forgiven him for the death of her beloved Drake - hands clasped together, they die as one. Wounded soon afterwards is Hicks, who will not recover from his injury, as we see at the beginning of Alien 3.
Iconic casualties in a mythological tragedy for the ages, we say to those Marines: semper fidelis.
Dutch vs Predator
In the lexicon of classic film quotations there are but a few immortal calls to action. The "No prisoners!" line from Lawrence of Arabia is one example. "Madness? This... is... Sparta!" from 300 would be another (maybe). Fewer still, however, can match the climactic gravitas of Major Dutch Schaefer's enunciatively loutish challenge to the Predator, "COME ON, KILL ME! I'M HERE! DO IT! DO IT NOW! KILL ME!" In a film influential enough to have featured two future United States Governors, this symbolic donnybrook is our number-one pick for Top Fights in the AVP franchises. And while it might seem odd to some - a heavily accented bodybuilder given to use of bad puns, utilizing a combination of reverse psychology and a Wile E. Coyote booby-trap to defeat a technologically superior member of an alien race - what this classic showdown teaches us, if anything, is the danger of hubris. The Predator simply had too much... and it got him a big log to the head. Game, set, match.
