Just Say Gno To Gnomeo And Juliet
February 10, 2011
http://www.ugo.com/movies/gnomeo-and-juliet
One of my all-time favorite classic rock tunes is "Rocket Man." As a kid I used to listen to it over and over again on the Wonderland Space Shuttle's Star Wars and Other Sci-Fi Themes record. And after seeing Gnomeo and Juliet, a Disney-distributed animated feautre exec produced by Elton John, I hope never to hear it again.
Gnomeo and Juliet, based (vaguely) on Shakespeare's tragic pair of lovers is something of a tragic pairing itself. It marries a befuddled, helplessly zany script with, I hate to say it, not that interesting animation. I mean, look for yourself. Do those lawn gnomes do anything for ya? There are some ceramic frogs and bunnies that help a bit, but the stars of the show just look. . .creepy.
This is not the type of kids movie, like Pixar or Despicable Me or even Ice Age, that you can take your nephew to and enjoy on your own terms. Instead, you'll hope the kid needs to use the bathroom six times - anything to get you out of the theater for a minute.
In between horrible puns (to the mushroom: "you look like a fun guy!") and baffling "adventure" sequences there is a shoehorned forbidden romance that ought to engage. . . no one. Set all this to instrumental versions of Elton John's most overplayed hits and you've got a true disaster on your hands.
The worst sin comes at the top of the second act with the introduction of a madcap flamingo character. In the midst of a loud, desultory story the last thing we need is an extra dose of wacky, changing an annoying movie into something almost impossible to stomach.
There is one sequence, a would-be heist bit that involves bidding for a lawnmower on the Internet, that shows the creative sparkle we've come to expect from "kid's pics" of the last decade. It will make a good YouTube clip, but in context all it does is make the rest of the film seem weak.
Below: an InstaReview from moments after the screening, and a great example of cinema's afterglow. Had I recorded this a few hours later, I would not be singing even these meek praises. Had it been done the following morning, I'd be more in line with the tenor of this written review. I include it anyway, because changes in opinion are sometimes fascinating.