In 2018, Hannah Lichtenstein struggled with the idea of graduating from Swarthmore, likening her commencement to a death.
"When you play sports since you've been 5 years old, it becomes the one constant in your life," Lichtenstein said on being a student-athlete. "By the time I ended up leaving (college athletics), I had tied aspects of my self-worth and identity to being a soccer player. It was everything to me."
Lichtenstein's "commencement" felt nothing like a beginning for her. It was the end.
The end of using the equipment she had for four years. The end of working out with teammates all united by the goal of becoming better. The end of a coach's texts to come down to the office to discuss the next game. It was the end of her college athletics career.
"(Those texts) make you feel important, and then, suddenly, they're done. It's not that coach doesn't care about you anymore, but it's just the cycle."
This cycle pushed Lichtenstein into a dark place after college sports, a place she "didn't really know how to talk about" and was unsure if anybody even felt similarly.
On top of facing the challenges of this new cycle in her life, Lichtenstein suffered a pulled hamstring and was diagnosed with depression her last semester at Swarthmore, making the transition out of soccer even harder. She'd always cared so much about soccer, maybe too much. In addition to scoring 33 goals and 24 assists for 90 career points — the third-highest in Swarthmore women's soccer history — Lichtenstein wanted to build a culture at the Division III program centered on winning and having fun.
"I was a ninth-semester senior captain with all these expectations of how my last season would go. I was a forward with a big ego who wanted to break these records and be an All-American, but I got injured," Lichtenstein said. "I think that, in combination with all the 'lasts' and the approaching end of this major chapter of my life, was just too much. It felt like something snapped in my head. Every part of existing during that time felt hard."
Lichtenstein now hopes to help others in her shoes. Inspired by her own battle with depression in the twilight and aftermath of her career as a college athlete, Lichtenstein launched "Run Along," a podcast dedicated to sharing raw stories on life after college athletics.
After 80 episodes of "Run Along," whose guests have included former Olympians and NCAA athletes from all three divisions, Lichtenstein has learned not everybody has a hard transition out of athletics. And that's OK.
"Some people burnt out, and it was a relief. Maybe a coach made them hate sports. Others quit or they had to retire because of injuries," Lichtenstein said. "There are all these different endings. There are all these different levels in which we leave sport. The experiences that we've been able to share on 'Run Along' have been really diverse, and I think that's important."
Like many graduating athletes, Lichtenstein was juggling a job hunt with the emotional toll of leaving her sport. Her last year at Swarthmore, she sent numerous cover letters and resumes out for a job, but nothing happened.
"Sports gives you a lot of confidence and this idea that 'you get what you put in.' But when it comes to the job application process, that's just not true," Lichtenstein said. "You're starting from the bottom. You can put five hours into a cover letter and just might never hear back. It was really humbling."
With no job prospects on the horizon at that time, Lichtenstein's next step was sending letters pleading her case to play professional soccer to approximately 90 teams in seven countries across Europe. Through a random connection, she wound up in Sweden playing for Enköpings Sportklubb.
While she was happy to continue playing the sport she loves, Lichtenstein came to realize that the grass was greener on NCAA fields.
"When I would say I moved abroad to play soccer, everybody thought that was an intensification of my sport experience because I moved to this country for this game. But I found that NCAA soccer was my peak, and I feel like that's the peak for a lot of people," Lichtenstein said. "There was more downtime in Sweden because I didn't have the cadence of student-athlete commitments of practice six days a week and games twice a week."
During that downtime, Lichtenstein had her epiphany.
"When I couldn't sleep from depression, podcasts were helpful. You don't have to read anything or look at anything. You just let them play."
She thought podcasting could be a platform to share the story of her transition out of college sport and as a resource for others who have gone through a similar transition. "Run Along" was born, and soon after she retired from professional soccer.
Since shifting from podcast listener to podcast host, Lichtenstein has realized that her passion for the world of sports did not have be packed away forever when she retired. Repurposing that passion to pursue a career as a sports journalist, she's working on a master's in journalism at Northwestern while continuing with her podcast.
"Podcasting showed me how to combine my love of storytelling, writing and research — a skill I really gained through being a history major at Swarthmore — with my love of sport," Lichtenstein said. "I've always loved podcasts. They're really therapeutic for me."