Dealing with Perfectionism

Are you a perfectionist? There’s nothing wrong with wanting things in your life just so, 
wanting things beautiful, wanting everything done right, and wanting to work hard to 
achieve great goals. However, there is no such thing as perfect, which is what so many 
people forget. You can’t have a perfect home or a perfect life or do a job perfectly. 
Mistakes are made, flaws are present, and every day is not perfect. If your 
perfectionism is severe, it might have a negative effect on your mental health. Do you 
think your desire to have everything perfect all the time is hindering your ability to live a 
good life?  

1. Your Views of Perfectionism and How They Affect Your Life 
Set high standards for yourself in every area of your life. You don’t want low standards 
to live by, but you cannot set high standards and expect perfectionism from each of 
them. There will never be a perfect job or a perfect mate. You will never look perfect or 
behave perfectly, and nothing will ever happen perfectly. Set high standards, and learn 
how to re-evaluate them as needed to allow for small imperfections. 

Pressure and Perfectionism 

Your high standards are not your problem, but it’s your perception of reality that is a 
problem. If you believe you cannot go through life if things are not just so, done this 
way, or appear that way, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. For example, if 
you cannot leave your home without everything being put away and all things looking 
perfectly clean, you might put a lot of pressure on yourself if you’re already running late 
when you realize you need to clean up behind your kids. 

Now you’re late for work, your kids are late for school, and what did you get out of this? 
A clean house is what you got, but is that worth the detention your kids must now attend 
or the reprimand your boss issued when you rushed into the office 10 minutes late for a 
meeting? 

If you put pressure on yourself to achieve perfection, you’re going to get perfection. 
Unfortunately, you’re going to get perfection in only the area on which you’re focused. 
The rest of your life is going to fall apart.

Mental Health and Perfectionism 

You’ll drive yourself crazy if you want things perfect and don’t allow any room for 
mistakes. You do want things to be perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You 
must simply allow yourself to understand that there will be things that prevent 
perfection. Until you understand that, you might just suffer from depression, anxiety, 
stress, and even health issues that affect your physical body, your emotional health, 
and even the relationships you have with the people you love. 

It’s not easy to give up the idea that perfection does exist, but you cannot live like this if 
you want to maintain a happy and well-balanced lifestyle. You cannot live this way if you 
want to be healthy. It’s time to face your fears and learn what makes you feel this way, 
fix the problem, and learn to talk yourself out of being perfect all the time.

2. Signs You Might Be a Perfectionist 
While living your life as a perfectionist, you may not realize the toll perfectionism can 
take on your physical and emotional well-being. The quest for personal perfection often 
leaves the perfectionist with internalized feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem and fear. 
If you are a perfectionist, you may recognize these signs and symptoms.

You Perceive Everything in Black and White

For the perfectionist, the world is black and white. You see only two sides to everything, 
the right or wrong, good or bad. You take first place, or the competition is lost. There is 
no middle ground and grey areas are unacceptable. Because of this black and white 
belief system, anything less than perfection is a failure in your eyes. You fear that 
mistakes prove you unworthy.

You Have Unrealistic or Demanding Standards

If you are a perfectionist, you may feel an unhealthy sense of competition. The 
expectations and amount of pressure you put on yourself are not always reasonable. 
You may set unrealistic goals causing you to feel stressed, anxious and fearful of 
imagined failures lurking around the corner.

Rather than enjoying the journey or process of an activity, you focus only on the 
outcome. You play to win, but may shun activities when you feel that others could out-
perform you. You may also procrastinate projects when you fear that you may not excel.

You Are Highly Critical of Yourself and Others 

Perfectionist are often as critical of others as they are of themselves. You may find that 
you are intolerant of other people’s shortcomings. You may feel angry or resentful when 
other people fall short of your high expectations.
Since you may believe in only one right path to any goal, you may feel it necessary to 
do most tasks on your own, rather than trust, delegate or ask for assistance. You may 
also believe that asking for help is admitting failure.

You Believe You are not Enough on Your Own 

As a perfectionist, your self-esteem and your perceived value to others are proven by 
your most recent accomplishments. You may respond to this belief by setting your 
standards even higher and working even harder to accomplish more. You might 
wrongfully believe that your value in this world is reduced any by error or oversight.

These are a few examples of the beliefs and difficulties that haunt the perfectionist. 
Your quest for perfection does not need to continue. Recognizing some of your 
perfectionist tendencies could be your first step to creating more realistic expectations 
for yourself. You could begin living your life with less self-doubt and less self-induced 
stress when you allow yourself to be less than perfect. 

3. Perfectionism: Finding a Healthy Balance 
Perfectionism is a continuous obsession to be perfect. Perfectionists obsess over one 
thing that must remain perfect at all times due to a fear of failure. Common things to 
obsess over include (but not limited to) career, social acceptance, life goals, body 
image, academics, sports, or facial appearance. To avoid falling into the perfectionism 
cycle, practice these tips daily.

Embrace Mistakes

In school, various teachers emphasize mistakes and failures are bad while successes 
are good. This mentality created many perfectionists who won't try new things. In life, 
mistakes and failure are lessons. If people viewed mistakes and failure as a teaching 
tool, it makes setbacks easier to accept. Schools are adapting to life's teachings, so 
perfectionists should embrace life's teachings too. 

Erase the Uncompromising Approach

Why add an all-or-nothing stipulation to everything? The correct question to ask is "why 
is there an all-or-nothing stipulation?" Life is infinite. Life's vantage point offers 
boundless possibilities to solve a problem that the mind didn't examine. There's room 
for compromise or happy mediums. Perfectionists cannot fathom that because they 
demand total control over their lives. Still, perfectionists can break the inflexible 
approach if they embrace mistakes and failure first.

Focus on the Journey

Obsessive perfectionists stressing over a real or imaginary destination is never 
satisfying. A satisfying outlook is appreciating the journey by smelling every rose. 
Concentrate on self-fulfillment and purpose and enjoy the process. Understand that 
progress and results will come, but it won't arrive on a set timetable.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

With little evidence, perfectionists assume the best of everyone else and the worst of 
themselves. This creates comparisons, which leads to competition, which leads to rash 
decision-making, which leads to consequences and reverberations. Television, radio, 
newspapers, magazines, websites, and social media add fuel to a perfectionist's fire. 

The reality is everyone else is displaying a facade of his or her best selves without 
flaws. Besides, everyone has a separate race to run, and it doesn't coincide with your 
marathon. Therefore, say positive things daily, show self-gratitude, and focus on your 
journey. People comparisons are detours and dead ends designed to prevent and 
hinder personal success.

Reward Yourself

Congratulate yourself on small and big accomplishments by spoiling yourself on self-
indulgence and incentives often. A cheat day, a spa, a vacation, a massage, and a 
baseball game are great examples of rewarding pleasures. Celebrate (for example) a 
test passed, a winning bid, a job promotion, or advice that worked like a charm. The 
rewards system is beneficial for recharging batteries too.

Perfectionism is beneficial when used correctly and self-destructive when used 
incorrectly. Find a healthy balance between ambition and perfectionism with these 
reality checks above. Breaking perfectionism requires baby steps taken one situation at 
a time. Surround yourself with a loving support system who will keep perfectionism far, 
far away. 

4. Weeding Perfectionism Out of Your Life 
It is not uncommon to want everything to run smoothly, however, some people take it to 
an extreme. Have you ever had friends or family label you as a perfectionist? It may be 
a badge you wear with pride. Sometimes, you can set standards so high, that they are 
even impossible for you. If perfectionism hinders your daily activities and goal planning, 
try some of these helpful hints for overcoming it:

Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously

Do you base every decision on what others may think? While we can consider other 
people’s opinions, the ultimate decision is ours. Does it matter that all your glasses are 
turned the same way in the cabinet, or your car has a little ding in the bumper? Most of 
the things you fret about probably are not even noticed by others.

Take a breath, relax, and be yourself. Stop sabotaging your social life just because you 
think you think that nothing in your life “measures up”. Give yourself the same courtesy 
that you would show to others. Instead of focusing on things that are not perfect in your 
life, concentrate on the blessings you have.

Do Not Use Perfectionism as an Excuse

How many times have you set aside your dreams and used perfectionism as an 
excuse? You may say that unless you can maintain a 4.0-grade average, you will not go 
back to school. What about hobbies you have wanted to pursue, or your dreams of 
traveling? Your excuse may be that if it does not unfold as you planned, then forget it. 
These façades may hide the fact that you are nervous to try something new. 

Write down some of your goals, and break them down into segments. Instead of 
dreading mistakes, embrace them as a chance to grow and learn. Celebrate each step 
to your final goal—whether it is perfect or not.

Let Up a Little on Others

Not only do perfectionists put unreal expectations on themselves, but they also apply 
them to others. Instead of being grateful and considerate of the people around you, do 
you constantly find fault and express disappointment in everyone? Maybe your parents 
were perfectionists, and their skewed reality affected you. 

Giving people slack does not mean you give up on high standards. It means that you 
accept others as they are, and make the most of what you have. Offer your children 
loving guidance and encouragement instead of condemnation and criticism. Your 
relationship with family and friends will improve.

While you try to overcome perfectionism, remember that it is a process that will not be 
perfect. If you try too hard to change, then it can be self-defeating. Learn to take life as it 
comes, and enjoy every step of your journey. 

5. 4 Tricks to Keep Perfectionism in Check on a Daily Basis 
People who have never dealt with perfectionism might not think it's a terrible problem to 
have. After all, doesn't being a perfectionist make you more likely to be motivated and 
successful? On the contrary, perfectionism can make it hard to manage time and deal 
with everyday problems, as perfectionists often get hung trying to do even the least 
important tasks perfectly. Here are some tips to help you manage your perfectionism on 
a daily basis:

1. Prioritize

Perfectionists often spend far too much time trying to perform mundane tasks perfectly. 
One way to combat this is to prioritize your daily activities before you start working on 
any of them. List everything you need to do in order of importance, and try to tackle the 
most important tasks first--this way, if you're finding it hard to let yourself finish a task 
and move on, at least you'll be spending the extra time on something important. 

2. Take Mistakes in Stride

If you're a perfectionist, you know that when you make a mistake, it can feel crippling 
and derail your productivity for the rest of the day. Making mistakes, however, is the 
best way to learn, so it's important to learn to take your mistakes in stride. Next time you 
mess something up, force yourself to analyze what you did wrong and figure out how to 
avoid the mistake next time. 

For example, if you got a few questions wrong on a test, instead of worrying about the 
lower grade, figure out what you did wrong so you don't make the same mistake next 
time. It can be easy to get caught up on mistakes as a perfectionists, but try to remind 
yourself that by taking the time to learn from your mistakes, you can do things more 
'perfectly' in the future.

3. Take a Perspective Break

Next time you find yourself panicking over a small detail that isn't perfect, try to take a 
step back and give yourself a 'perspective break.' This refers to the simple process of 
asking yourself how important a task really is, a trick that can be surprisingly helpful for 
perfectionists. By forcing yourself to acknowledge whether whatever you're doing is 
important in the long run, you'll be able to recognize when you're obsessing over less 
important tasks and save time for working on the things that actually matter.

4. Get a Friend's Take

Another way to keep your tasks and problems in perspective is to ask a friend for their 
take on things. If you're convinced that your room just doesn't look right no matter how 
you arrange it, for example, asking a friend what they think can show you if something is 
actually off or if it's just your inner perfectionist speaking. For people who find it hard to 
give themselves a perspective check, asking someone you know and trust for their 
opinion can make it easier to realize when the detail you're stuck on simply isn't a big 
deal. 

6. Reward Progress Instead of Perfectionism 
If anything proves that too much of a good thing isn’t always great, the constant self-
evaluation of a perfectionist is it. In striving to be at their best, people can often fall short 
of their expectations just by simply burning out while trying to steam ahead.

Instead of waiting to earn a reward only after every milestone is made, learn to reward 
each accomplishment as a step on the path towards progress. 

Break It Down to Build Yourself Up

Struggling with perfectionism can often result in a lot of negative feelings and self-doubt. 
Evaluating your goals and breaking them down into manageable tasks or smaller 
accomplishments makes it easier to achieve you short-circuits in the end. 

This short circuits sometimes grander expectations of getting everything done at once 
and teaches the mind to compartmentalize better. These micro-achievements build on 
each other to increase a sense of completion and comprehension, which can have a 
direct and positive impact on someone’s self-esteem when they’re struggling to feel they 
have it all under control.

In many cases, a goal may be lifelong or ongoing — which means looking at everything 
as only a work in progress instead of some peak to reach goes a long way towards 
easing stress.

Holding Yourself Accountable with Kindness

There’s nothing wrong with striving for excellence, but if that comes at a cost to sanity or 
self-esteem, then somethings definitely not right. Staying kind and understanding about 
your own flaws and inconsistencies is key to sharing that generosity of spirit with others. 

When you’re your own worst enemy, you have firsthand knowledge of what makes you 
feel the most vulnerable and like a failure. While it’s common for perfectionists to 
engage in harsh and demeaning self-talk, it’s all the more powerful when they can use 
positive reinforcements instead. 

Look back at your track record for the successes instead of the failures and know when 
to give yourself a break.

Stay Challenged Enough to Be Inspired

For the practiced perfectionist, advice that tells them to chill out and do as little as 
possible might as well be a punishment. There’s a fine balance to strike between being 
an industrious individual and a stressed-out mess, though.

Scheduling each day with a reliable routine and some basic structure helps a lot of 
people keep a sense of accomplishment going on an everyday level. Plugging in special 
projects, ideas or necessary tasks into this daily schedule can manage those higher 
functioning goals working despite any ups and downs throughout the weeks.

Understanding how to compartmentalize expectations using rotating schedules and a 
fair measure of time management helps keep you busy but flexible in case changes or 
challenges to your plan arise. 

7. How to Use Your Journal to Help You Ease Your Desire to Be 
Perfect 
Journaling is one of the most therapeutic ways to change your life. It relieves stress, it 
helps you gather your thoughts into one place, and it even helps you work through your 
issues as you simply write them down. Journaling is beneficial in so many ways, but did 
you know it can also help you with your perfectionist tendencies? Here’s how to use 
journaling to help you with your perfectionism. 

Spend a Few Minutes Each Day with Your Journal 

The most important thing to do here is to spend time each day with your journal. You 
can draw a picture, tell a story, write out your frustrations, or even focus on detailing 
your day. Whatever comes to your mind is what you can write down. Now you want to 
make it a point to go back and read your entries every few weeks to see what you said. 

You might begin to notice patterns. Perhaps you feel stressed so much it changes your 
handwriting. Does your writing clue you into what is stressing you out? Does your mood 
change and shift based on certain things you did, said, or bothered you on a specific 
day? Patterns are what help you learn more about yourself and how to change your life. 

No One Reads This

Here is where your journal is really going to help your perfectionist traits. No one else 
ever reads it. It’s all your private thoughts. You can write down about how much you 
hate when your mother-in-law visits because she is so critical of any imperfections. 
Over time, you will learn to recognize what sets you off and causes you to seek 
perfectionism. 

Keep A List 

Your journal is for whatever you want to use it for, but keeping a list in your journal is a 
nice way to learn more about yourself and help with your perfectionism. Keep a list of 
things you really want versus things you really need. Do you see a connection? 
Sometimes seeing what you need in life versus what you want in life helps you realize 
it’s all right to settle for your needs and work on your wants. This helps your goals, and 
it helps you overcome your perfectionism. 

The purpose of a journal is to help you get your thoughts out of your mind and onto 
paper. Sometimes that’s enough to calm you down and talk you off the ledge that’s 
bothering you. Other times it is not enough, and sometimes it takes more time. 
Perfectionism comes from a place of not feeling in control of certain aspects of your life 
so you look for other areas of your life in which you can control. Journaling can help you 
identify these problems and work on changing your life.



