by NorseGamer, HSM Publisher

My lady has caught my gaze falling upon her ample décolletage; her blush adds a rosy hue to her high cheekbones, something hopeful and alluring dancing in her eyes as she gazes at me from under her parasol. The soft light of the early afternoon sun casts a warm Elysian glow over the Cotswolds countryside; it is a quiet day, and my lady, whose favor I court, secretly sets my heart to the wildest thunder whenever I but casually look upon her.

It is a Saturday date night, and I am wooing my Lady Terra at her Abbey Hill Cottage. For a time, we forget that we are thousands of miles apart, surrounded by concrete and noise; for a time, it is simply her and I, enjoying the Arcadian bliss of each other’s company in a beautiful setting. And we are together. There she is, straight out of a Jane Austen novel, and here I am, in full Horatio Hornblower regalia. Yes, we’re grown adults. Yes, we lead happily well-adjusted lives. And yes, we are thoroughly enjoying a bit of virtual fancy, as only Home can allow.

Tonight, though, my darling lover has something different planned.

So we leave the comfortable, walled garden of Home. She holds my hand and introduces me to Ninja Gaiden Σ2.

And I am astonished. My quiet, shy, demure maid of the English countryside has suddenly turned into a ninja death blossom, dropkicking thugs so hard that their heads explode. Explode. But I can barely see this, because she’s busy decapitating fools with some sort of Gogo Yubari sword-on-a-rope Cirque du Soleil kata. Before I can even unsheathe my katana, she’s already racked up a body count equal to Rambo.

Oh, and the things she says! (We’re on Skype while we game together.) My god, you thought Revy from Black Lagoon had a mouth. My shy, withdrawn maid has just unleashed a torrent of adverbs that her opponents would object to as being anatomically impossible — assuming they had any anatomy left.

This should come as no surprise, of course. My darling lover knows her way around firearms, vehicles and damn near anything else you can think of. And it’s such a wonderful duality, isn’t it? Here’s a woman equally at home being a Brontë sister or a blunt-force killer. The moment you make the mistake of assuming female gamers are either a stereotype or somehow inferior to their male counterparts, the sooner you get your Nelson Eddy handed to you in a doggie bag.

The magic of video gaming is that it’s the ultimate form of escapism. Rather than passively enjoying a story — as you would with movies, TV or radio — you’re interacting with it. Just as we wear different faces and personas in real life when shifting from one setting to the next, so we do the same when we leave behind the real world and for a time entertain ourselves in a virtual one. And if there’s one thing that the internet has really done for gaming, as far as I’m concerned, it’s the sheer fun of online co-op.

To this day I still don’t know what the hell the plot is of Ninja Gaiden Σ2. I don’t much care, either. The game is merely a fun vessel for Melissa and I to buttonmashkill. The average person might not think of this as a romantic night out, but every gamer reading this is nodding their head in understanding.

If this article has a point, it’s this: use Home as a springboard. Hell, it’s what it was originally designed for. If you’ve made some good friends in Home, and you have some other PlayStation titles which support online multiplayer (preferably co-op), then for god’s sake take advantage of it. It actually enriches the Home experience to go play other games and then return Home to talk about them and hang out.

Melissa’s calling. Not sure if she wants to be a ninja, pirate, maid, soldier or mage tonight. No matter which way we go, though, it’ll be fun. Ciao.

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