Sony News
by Kassadee Marie, HSM team writer
There was a doleful double announcement from Sony Corporation, Tokyo, Japan early yesterday evening that has caused untold dismay throughout the gaming world and beyond, with far-reaching effects that have been felt across continents, but are not completely known at this time.
Sony’s statement came as a complete surprise to those in the known to be in the know, as well as those known to be completely clueless. Ripples of sadness, dismay and many disheartening comments were made in response to the announcements that have spread as far as Australia, the Aleutians and the Hawaiian Islands.
Within fifteen minutes of the announcement, Sony stock prices had fallen over $4.00 per share and continued to drop until the market closed. An Australian Sony spokesperson responding to our query regarding this news by saying, “It’s been a bit of a bingle, but apples, she’ll be. No worries, mate.” Translated into English, for our American readers, that means, “It’s a momentary set back. Stock prices always rebound. We aren’t worried.”
Sony’s plummeting stock price has affected the overall market which has also seen a significant drop, as shown in exhibit “A” attached to this article.
Exhibit "A"
In the first piece of shocking news, Sony announced that their social gaming network known as “Home” will not be available for the newly introduced and heavily promoted Vita. Their carefully worded press release stated that it would, “Never, ever, ever be available, at any time, for any price. What are you, nuts? Do you want to be hit by a car while playing and walking down the street? And quit your whining about it on the forum.”
Later Sony denied that announcement was authorized by them and stated, “We regret to announce that due to internally restricted legal matters and private company issues which we are not at liberty to discuss at this time or any time in the foreseeable future, Home will not be available for the Vita at the present and is unlikely to be available in the near, nearly near, or even nearly far future, as we perceive it to be at this present time and in the coming months of this year or the next few years following, as far as we know and are able to state, at this time.”
While developers, reporters, sycophants and the general public, was still reeling from this news, Sony additionally announced that after careful consideration, statistical reviews and a coin toss, that Home will not be offered on the PS4, which is due for arrival in the stores on March14, 2017 or earlier, if they feel like it.
Many questions were thrown at the Sony representatives at this point, but when a reporter from another magazine inquired about refunds for virtual items purchased by hundreds of thousands of Home users for the last three and more years, a hush fell on room and all waited for Sony’s response with bated breath. Sony representatives had this to say in reply, “We regret to announce that due to internally restricted legal matters and private company issues which we are not at liberty to discuss at this time or any time in the foreseeable future, refunds will not be available for the Home users at the present and they are unlikely to be available in the near, nearly near, or even nearly far future, as we perceive it to be at this present time and in the coming months of this year or the next few years following as far as we know and are able to state, at this time.”
When asked to comment about this news, HearItWow of Homecast Rewind replied, “Gaaa? Erg, K.. whaaa?” and fainted on several friends, including Sue and Olivia, who were barely able to save him from hitting his head again on a desk on his way to the floor.
When asked to comment, Jersquall, Home Community Volunteer and HomeStation Magazine (HSM) podcast editor replied, “I’m waiting for an official announcement from GlassWalls, which I’m sure will be received in a timely manner. At that time I will be able to speak.”
And you may ask, what is our position on this matter, here at HSM? NorseGamer, Editor-in-Chief and Taurus states: ”We have had an incredible run here in HSM with over a year of the finest publication, equivalent to several novels in length, with articles as worthy as those found in the Atlantic Monthly or the New Yorker; and also, many delightful and outstanding podcasts starring myself, Terra_Cide and the man himself, Jersquall, as worthy as performances by Spencer Tracy, Katharine Hepburn and Clark Gable; and our newly developing machinima was perhaps going to set the world on its ear, in the manner of the camera obscura perfected by Giambattista della Porta or the introduction of sound to movies with The Jazz Singer in 1927 by Warner Brothers. Wherever we here at HSM may end up as individuals, and whatever we may be doing, I see all of us being successful in any of our endeavors as Sergey Brin. And, by the way, April Fools!”
April 1st, 2012 by Kassadee Marie | 4 comments
Home is endlessly entertaining to this California girl. Kassadee has been in Home for about four years, and loves almost everything about it (with a few notable exceptions). She spends way too much money there, and perhaps too much time... Someday she will travel the world and write about the people she meets and the places she sees.
Nicely done!
Great job Kass! Loved it, you can really have fun and write girl!
Can i have that controller please? LOL
You crack me up… DORK!!!