Relationships, Real and Virtual
by Keara22HI, HSM team writer
In virtual reality, we can form strong friendships with people whom we will never physically meet. These people become an integral part of our lives, and we become genuinely invested, emotionally, in their well-being.
Richard Garriott de Cayeux, in Issue #10 of HomeStation, talked about how he wants to take social gaming and integrate it into the lives of people who know each other in real life. And this brings up a fascinating question: how many of us enjoy Home with a real-world friend, family member or loved one?
Obviously, the cynical out there will recall the “Playtime” episode of seaQuest, in which all humanity is gone save for two teenagers who are so attached to interaction via virtual reality that they do not know how to communicate face to face. Anything can be taken to an extreme. But this does a disservice to those people who strengthen bonds with each other via the shared experiences which Home can provide.
Humans are a social species. And, further, a tribal one. Tribes can be remarkably diverse in their makeup, ideology and format — but the sociological underpinnings fueling that behavior are the same. And shared experiences are the glue. Indeed, W. L. Gore & Associates — most famous for Gore-Tex — structured their corporate operations around decentralized groups of no more than 150 people per business unit, fostering group contribution over rigid hierarchical structure. HomeStation, to a large extent, is modeled on Gore’s principles. Other successful groups in Home — perhaps most notably the Homelings — tend to follow these principles as well.
Source: Cross Tab Marketing, on behalf of Microsoft
Although most people find Home on their own and spend time in here far from the realities of their everyday life, some people, like my friends GlowingMickeyVan, Nosdrugis, and PrincessVirginia are in here with their own parents, children, spouses, and significant others. It’s never been a secret that the editor-in-chief of this publication is one of my sons, and considering he’s a grown adult with his own life, it’s fascinating to interact with him through the context of virtual reality far more than I get to in the real world.
In conversations with some of my online friends, it seems that being together in gaming activities is an integral part of their life. In most cases, they tell me it creates an even greater bond with family members. The aphorism that “the family that plays together stays together” seems to be accurate. For some, this is a family activity that goes back long before Home came along. Some of these families started with board games, card games, and early video games going back as far as the Atari. Others were introduced to Home by their own children who were delighted that their parents took a real interest in what they were doing. Indeed, this publication has given coverage to real-world couples who cohabitate and use multiple PS3s to interact in Home while they’re together in real life.
In earlier days, friends would spend a rainy Saturday playing Monopoly. Or, with graph paper and weird dice, playing Dungeons & Dragons. And, prior to the introduction of the internet to console gaming, it was not uncommon for friends and family to enjoy multiplayer games together in a living room. What Home did, along with other social games, was to simply broaden the ability to interact and game with people who have shared interests.
The difference, however: in those games, the ‘game’ was clearly defined. And we were usually engaged in fierce competitions. I may be a septuagenarian grandmother, but I can still — to use today’s vernacular — pwn ur noobz. Not every gamer is a teenage boy, thanks.
But in Home, it is a completely different experience for those real-world friends, family and loved ones who choose to interact online. The competitive angle disappears, for the most part. Instead, I’ve witnessed (and HSM has published coverage of) parent/child combos in which a parent is helping their teenager with the social pitfalls of trying to deal with adults. And this does present quite a learning opportunity.
Think about it: for most young people in Home, the only adults they have ever spoken with are parents, teachers, or employers from their afterschool job. Learning how to behave around adults is a real rite of passage. Having a father or mother in the background as a safety net and sounding board in Home, ready at a moment’s notice to give guidance, is potentially a real bonus: virtual reality is a semi-controlled environment in which lessons can be inculcated while the repercussions for mistakes are greatly lowered.
This is one of the reasons why I disagree with the sentiment, so prevalent in today’s society, that children should be sheltered from everydamnthing out there. The world is a cold, capricious place, and children should be prepared for it. The only way to do that as a parent is to guide them through it.
I've met several Homeling family groups.
Example: a parent is trying to gauge the safety of a very young gamer in this unstructured environment. I have met gamers in here who are as young as twelve, accompanied by a concerned parent. Using PMs to help them cope with their first troll encounter is far better than just hoping they never are accosted by one. Other parents are worried about their child being approached by perverts. By watching from a distance – and eavesdropping (with the childrens’ consent) – they can help their young teen learn how to identify suspect behavior.
In the poker rooms, I met many couples and families with multiple PS3’s in their house who come into Home to play games together that they all enjoy. I find these same folks most often in the Home game sites honing their skills or repelling invaders or dancing on the beach. Sometimes, the child (or one of the parents) have a physical or mental limitation that makes similar activities in real life almost impossible.
Does being in Home with real life friends and relatives limit social interactions with others? From what I have observed, no. The only case I have seen that was limiting was one uncle and niece sharing one PS3. They have two accounts (obviously), but they have to take turns with whose time it is to be in Home having fun. People in Home develop some intuitive skills about what a person is really like, regardless of who they are in real life. The only thing you can know for sure about anyone you meet in Home is their conversational skill – or lack thereof. Social interactions in Home are without the visual cues that can cause people to pre-judge others: physical appearance, racial characteristics, economic class, aesthetics, etc.
And what of romantic relationships? There is no shortage of online couples in Home who use virtual reality to try to narrow the geographic separation between them, but there are also couples who, as mentioned earlier, live together and game together in Home. Considering the frenetic pace of today’s society, where there is precious little time to escape from real-world obligations to go for a literal walk in the park, virtual reality may provide a surprising emotional benefit for those people who seek to have social interaction and a change of scenery whilst still being able to take care of real-world tasks.
Grandma! Is that YOU?
The anonymity of Home can also lead people to trust others with information they would never share with someone in their immediate vicinity. Friendships are built that sometimes are as close as any friendship or family relationship in real life. For example, in Home, I despaired over one young friend who lost his job (and his wife lost hers, also), lost his home, had to pull up stakes and relocate to another state and move in with his in-laws to survive. I was as grief-stricken over what happened to him as if he had been my own grandson. Obviously, I would not betray his trust, but I knew that even his own parents did not know how devastated he was. I can only wish him the best of luck.
For me, and for most of the other family groups I know in Home, the bottom line seems to be that Home makes compassion, sharing, and caring even more precious because it offers a medium for shared experiences. It is perhaps ironic that in a digital world which isolates us and chivvies us from appointment to appointment, staring at a screen can build friendships with strangers which are as close as anything one might find in real life, and in fact create shared experiences for real-life acquaintances which can strengthen bonds amongst friends, family members and loved ones.
February 20th, 2012 by keara22hi | 3 comments
Keara is also known in Home as DarthGranny. She is a wicked little old lady with a wild sense of humor.
Well said granny my dear! I lost my family at a young age. I can not replace them but I can emulate the relationships I had with them while on home. No I don’t mean by roll playing but the wisdom and real world experiences that is shared with me and I learn from while sharing my virtual and real life with my friends on Home. I have a few mother figures and a few father figures, several aunts, uncles, bothers, sisters, and cousins on Home. They all are under the “friend umbrella” but truth be told, they are like family to me. By the way, you are MY Granny!
I have several extremely good friends in Home, but no family at all, at least none that I know of anyway. I think that playing together as a family has always been a great enhancement to relationships. My family always did so as my siblings and I grew up, mostly with board games like Risk and the Game of Life and Monopoly. We also did puzzles and played countless games outside in the neighborhood together.
I know many of the people you spoke of in the article who are families in Home, and I think it definitely helps draw people nearer. Another great thing that Home can be utilized for is when family members live a long way away from each other, be it the military or other reasons. Home gives them the ability to talk to each other in a way no other can.
Nice article