You’ve Got A Private Message!
by PixelCub, HSM guest contributor
Love in Home? The idea that two people can meet in a virtual setting and find a connection that can transcend the fiber optics that connect the two is at first something that may seem unreal. How strange is this concept though? How new is it? I am taken back to the early days of the general public use of the Internet. Hearing stories about people meeting online, and finding love. Those stories also followed by reports of marriages being torn apart by cyber romance. Cyber cheating, and cyber sex – how common place are the concepts?
This phenomenon is nothing new. There was a time when people courted each other by means of letter writing. That form began to die when the phone became a common place device. Party lines then replaced the art of mail romance. Only to be replaced itself, ironically enough, by the exchange of letters again in email and chat transmitted through phone lines via internet.
I first heard of love in social video games from games like Second Life, and World of Warcraft. I recall how absurd it seemed, but it was an obtuse judgment when I began to realize how this was just a new form of an old method of courting. It seems almost natural and inevitable now. When two people interact long enough there is bound to be a connection that subsequently develops. That these connections should then turn romantic is based on only a few variables – attraction to the other’s gender, and personality.
I became intrigued by this concept when while waiting for a Dolphy race I happened to witness a user whom must have been a juvenile ask a female avatar to be his girlfriend. What I at first found comical – a boy that was undoubtedly a teen if not younger approaching a stranger and asking to be a couple – made me then take note of how many couples I saw while exploring Home. Sometimes you can’t help but be witness to the chat log in a public space and see a lovers’ quarrel unfold.
I realized then I myself knew several people whom found partners in the game. Some over long distances and some local to each other, but all meeting their current partner while interacting in the game. One of those couples spawned out of the dismantling of a failing relationship. I decided to interview these couples and get to know how they met and how their interaction evolved into something so intimate. I promised to maintain their anonymity, so for the sake of the article I will refer to them as John & Amy, Roy & Drew and Luke & Mark. (Editor’s note: the avatars depicted in the photos for this article are not those of the people mentioned. ~T~)
Q: How did you meet?
John & Amy:
Amy: We met at Irem beach; I was waiting around for a treasure chest to appear when John came up to me and started talking to me.
He wanted to know what I was doing, and when I said I was waiting for the giveaway he asked me if I had claimed my welcome back package. I didn’t know about it so he showed me where to get it. From then on, I always went to him when I wanted to know where to get the free stuff in Home.
Roy & Drew:
Roy: We had actually met in person before, at a post-E3 party in L.A. I had a girlfriend at the time and so nothing happened and we didn’t keep in touch. I broke up with my girlfriend later that month, and about three months later, I ran into her on Facebook. I checked out her page and saw she was following AlphaZone4. I found her gamer tag, and added her as a friend on Facebook and PlayStation Network.
Luke & Mark:
Luke: I am a shameless flirt and was all over him when I first met him through other friends in the Central Plaza. We started chatting every time we saw each other logged on from then on, and hanging out together. Eventually we made it a point to hang out in Home every night.
Q: How did the attraction develop when you can’t see each other? Was it the avatar you were attracted to, or the real person?
John & Amy:
John: We hung out all the time at first and eventually I just started liking her a lot. After a week or so I asked her if she was on Facebook, and we shared Facebook pages. I saw her pictures, she was so pretty and I already liked her personality, so I crushed on her big time. I guess at first I was just trying to talk to a girl, and I got to like her so I wanted to see a picture of her; that’s why I asked her about Facebook, – everyone has pictures on their Facebook. I thought it would be more subtle than asking for a picture.
Roy & Drew:
Roy: I already knew what she looked like, and she was way cute, so I really wanted to go out with her. I don’t think the avatar does her any justice. Avis are generic and fake, but I know what she looks like so when I see her avi I don’t see the computer model, I see her, and that’s all that matters.
Luke & Mark:
Luke: I liked his avi, it was cute and dressed in skinny jeans, and the Fei Long buff top. The attraction developed when I saw his pictures in the frame hanging in his Harbor Studio. We exchanged pictures via XMB message, and our Facebook profiles, which was ten minutes into our conversation.
Q: Have you met in person?
John & Amy:
John: After a couple of weeks of chatting I got the nerve to ask her out, and she for some reason agreed. She lived like an hour away from me, but [it was] totally worth the drive.
Roy & Drew:
Roy: We met in person, but she was only visiting L.A. from San Diego when we met at that party. We did – after a couple of weeks of hanging out in Home – meet again in person, and we have been getting together every weekend since. During the week when we can’t get together though we just hang out in Home.
Luke & Mark:
Mark: I live on the west coast and he lives on the east coast. So we have not met in person yet.
Q: Have you made plans to meet each other?
Roy & Drew:
Roy: We see each other only weekends now, but we have already made plans to move in together after her fall semester.
Luke & Mark:
Mark: We have talked about it and we want to, but I have school and he has work and doesn’t have any vacation any time soon, and he also lives with his ex still, so that is complicated.
Is your romance strictly based with in Home?
John & Amy:
John: No, we live together now, but we still spend time in Home with friends. We have both PS3s on the same TV, but we have worked out a system where I walk behind her so she can see where she is going, so I am basically her camera man. We always do stuff together anyhow, so it doesn’t really conflict much. Fortunately our TV has multiple HDMI ports. When she wants to shop or play a mini game though I just switch the video source between the two PS3s.
Roy & Drew:
Roy: No, we interact a lot in Home, but our weekends it’s all in the real world.
Luke & Mark:
Mark: Well not strictly in Home, we text back and forth, talk on the phone, chat, we use web cams, and Eye cam on the PS3, but that is just when it’s just us. We hang in Home to spend time with friends, and sometimes have dates in Home as well.
Q: How seriously do you take this relationship?
John & Amy:
John: I take it very seriously, we have moved in together, and we have already talked about marriage.
Amy: I love him, and I know he loves me. We take it pretty serious, I moved in with him and marriage has come up, but we both want to finish school first.
Roy & Drew:
Roy: We are very serious about it. We are going to live together soon. I don’t see us as starting our romance in Home, I guess we kinda did, but it was more like we used Home as a way to meet up when we couldn’t meet up in person. Usually trying to cam chat was a pain because we would be distracted or doing multiple things at once, but when we are in Home we are both playing the same game. Sometimes we play other games. She is killer in AC Brotherhood. I dread being in opposite teams because she always beats me.
Luke & Mark:
Mark: I take it pretty serious; I haven’t dated anyone else since we met, and usually just make time to spend time with him.
Luke: My relationship with my ex was already falling apart, we still live together but we are not romantically involved. We are just financially tied together, so we are waiting to settle a few debts so he can move out. Mark understands this, and knows about it. I do take that relationship seriously; as far as I am concerned Mark is my boyfriend now, and I am just trying to clean up the mess of the last relationship so I can move on to the one I have now.
Q: Do you get jealous of other avatars?
John & Amy:
John: Not really, I get more jealous of guys on her Facebook. When someone does friend her though, I usually like to know who it is, but she lives with me so I don’t care if other users in Home flirt with her, she always tells them she has a boyfriend already.
Roy & Drew:
Roy: Not in Home, but I do worry about guys at her school. She is pretty hot after all, but we are going to live together soon.
Luke & Mark:
Mark: I get a little jealous sometimes because he flirts a lot, but I know he loves me so it doesn’t bother me too much.
Luke: Of course I get jealous, he is a cutie, and there are a lot of trolls in Home.
***
I came to the conclusion that Home is just another hub to the world. Global regions aside, it just opens you up to meeting people from anywhere, much as the Internet did at its first inception. The powerful thing about the Internet and virtual connections in whatever form they develop is that it allows for a real connection that is beyond superficial physical attractions. It allows you to get to know someone first, before you make a quick judgment on appearance alone. One thing we forget also is that video games are more than entertainment, for some it is a very time consuming hobby, sometimes even a passion. For two people to share an interest in something so powerful is a very solid base for a strong connection to establish.
httpvhd://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQONty9uRgA
We have seen it happen before with other means of communications. If you have ever seen You’ve Got Mail – which was a lose remake of Shop Around the Corner – where a romance develops through the exchange of emails, as opposed to the exchange of post mail, it is the exchange of pure thoughts and ideas that sparks the flame of love between people. Home, and social networks, which includes social gaming is just a new spin of an old story. Home is just a software tool, for entertainment, or to socialize. Many users have found creative ways of using it; from Club meetings, virtual wakes or funerals to commemorate the real world departed, and recently I was invited to a virtual ceremony for a friend’s wedding in France, and even a virtual birthday party. So why not, with all these other uses, be able to use it to make a love connection?
October 12th, 2011 by PixelCub | 8 comments
Several stories of people meeting and falling in love within Home have been cited in this magazine in the past months. Marriages and even babies have resulted from these occurrences. I think that meeting someone here gives you an advantage in some ways, as most people don’t show their pictures to another person til they already know them quite well. This bases the relationship on who the person is, not what they look like, which I think makes it all the more real.
Love is a crazy emotion, it can transcend age, distance, and many other obstacles. Home is no different than any other internet medium when it comes to finding someone and falling in love. My cousin met her husband online many years ago when the internet was in its infancy and they are still together now, more than 20 years later. It can really work, irregardless of what others believe.
Great article PixelCub!
A place called home is where I roam
For laughs and fun with virtual everyone
I came across a tender heart
We fused as friends right from the start
We talked and shared our deepest cares
As we sat on benches in the Plaza square
The time we had and memories made
The jokes we told and the games we played
Then one dark day she came no more
I searched from dolphins racing to memories shore
My friend had vanished with out a good-bye
Leaving only the how’s and why’s
So now I sit with my heart broken
Waiting on healing words to be spoken
Dealing with the pain that this all brings
“PLAYSTATION IT DOES EVERYTHING”
Wow I never thought about it but I do know a lot of couples that have met from playing Home. love the player 2 poem, lol cute. Yours too Punkwillie.
I’ll wake up beside you laying against the soft graphical textures of inviting sand, i watch a Virtual Sunrise hit a digital ocean, the 5.1 surround ambience of birdsong sing in the distance.
Standing behind you I wrap my pixelated arms around your avatar’s waist and watch as a family of dolphins leap out of the water texture before disappearing again.
A line of Lyric enters my mind as we watch the sky turn into hues of red, then pink as if some great artist painted it there for all to see.
A lyric to a song reads out something of which has meaning for us for a long time to come ‘To be Held & Understood’ by Air Moon.
Soft acoustic tones play in the background as I surrender to this moment, this happiness, laying my head against your shoulder and holding you close.
In this Virtual reality this is a beautiful digital morning and all that I can type to you is ‘I love you’ x
A sort love poem I wrote in binary
01001 11011 01110 0111
110100 100110 01 101
01 100110 111011
10001 00010 100011
01+01=11
01001 11011 0111 2
In that book which is
My memory . . .
On the first page
That is the chapter when
I first met you
Appear the words . . .
Here begins a new life
-- Dante Alighieri
Did someone mention Dante Alighieri?
Great article, PixelCub! You made a lot of great points. My only critique is that I found it a little confusing to follow all three stories at once, so I personally would have separated them. But then I get confused easily, so perhaps that’s just me.
But getting back to Dante, if the NA Home ever decides to give us a wedding chapel, I know the perfect music -- Vide Cor Meum by Patrick Cassidy, which was based upon Dante’s La Vita Nuova.
http://youtu.be/KN5AG14x8mQ