You’re absolutely right; to base a real-life relationship on a poor quality photograph and fewer lines worth of dialogue than what you’d find in a Hallmark card is absolutely unrealistic. However, like Burbie mentioned in her most recent article, the internet has actually put us back in time to a place where one has to rely on the strength of their intellect and their ability to express themself clearly in the written word in order to build relationships. So if you aren’t very articulate, the likelihood of building any relationships (romantic or otherwise) online is close to nil. And no one’s just going to hop on a plane to meet what is, essentially, a pen pal without a decent quantity and quality of discourse. I certainly didn’t hop on a plane, or open up my home to the half dozen or so internet friends I’ve met face to face after only knowing them for a month and exchanging a handful of tweets.

Home is anything you want it to be. Having only three friends there is not (IMO) pathetic, especially since that isn’t what you intended it to be in the first place. If you want to change that, that’s great! There’s plenty of people here alone who are willing to extend a hand. And where it takes you, well, that’s up to you. Enjoy the ride. ^_^

Now before anyone gets nasty and yells at me, let me explain:

I am a gamer. It’s one of my hobbies and I’m tired of being ashamed of it. I’ve been heavily involved since my three Commodore 64s. I treat Home as more of a game, a social experiment if you will, than a serious dating or friend site. I use Meetup.com for the friend and dating. Try it if you haven’t!

So, when traveling through Home my avatar is probably the only thing that is fake. You can blame whoever (I think it was Keara!) who wrote the article about fashion or eye candy for the ladies in Home! I tried my best to make a cute guy avatar for the ladies but I’m a guy so when I meet some of you you’ll have to tell me what works and what doesn’t! My color sense is probably comical! I have NO relation to that avatar except for hair color and weight but since Home is what it is I think that’s OK to do.

It does amaze me however when people tell me they have traveled hundreds or thousands of miles to meet someone they met online. I’m not saying thats bad or they’re stupid I just don’t think I could do that on a paragraph of text and a bad picture of a cat.

I like to consider myself something of an internet socializing veteran and in fact have been lucky enough to meet many of my internet friends in real life. And guess what, I’m still alive (they were probably more worried that I was the creepy one, instead, but I digress). However, bear in mind too, that these people who stuck around long enough for such a meeting did so because of their integrity was congruent with my own. Sure, we had originally had all defenses up in the beginning, but that’s there to weed out the people who aren’t worth the time (this is also something worth doing in real ife as well). And once we invested time -- real, quality time -- with each other, the frienships grew. That’s when the personal information gets exchanged (to a reasonable degree -- if you’re naive enough to still think it’s safe to give your Social Security number, credit card number, or physical address out, cancel your ISP, NOW and stay off the internet forever, kthx) and you learn their real name, see what they look like, and get a glimpse into their life beyond Home. How long should such a relationship should be going on… Well, that’s up to the indivduals; some people just “click” faster than others, and everyone has different comfort levels.

What makes it so frustrating about the people who hide themselves online is that nine times out of ten, their behavior would probably get them some jail time, should they try it in the real world. And there are times when people hide themselves over the most petty of things, and it’s just not necessary. It’s okay to be you. No, really, it is.

I never ask for photos or personal info from my friends, and as a rule don’t provide personal information either. This doesn’t mean however that I don’t know anything about my friends.

I’ve seen photos of several of my female friends, but in almost every case it wasn’t until I had already known them for at least six months, which is a very long time in Home. And afterwards, in a few cases I was grateful that I hadn’t known what they looked like up front because it gave me a chance to get to know them as individuals, rather than a collection of pretty faces. My oldest friend in Home knows my name, as well as details about my work and personal life, and vice versa, but we’ve known each other for more than 18 months, which in Home terms is like an eternity.

It’s funny what you mentioned with regards to showing people your best, because I do the opposite, ha! ^_^

I have a very caustic exterior, honed over many years due to various misfortunes, and as I see it, if you can’t handle me at my worst, you definitely don’t deserve me at my best. It’s only once we get past the typical “getting to know you” formalities that I show you the rest of me. This is doubly true when I get into a internet setting, such as a chatroom or Home. And for me, once I’ve more or less adopted you as a friend, you are now considered a part of the family (not a “fam” people) and pretty much are welcome to the house for Thanksgiving, Christmas, impromptu jam sessions, or what have you.

And should someone hurt my friends… They better have good life insurance.

The internet (and Home in particular) has become this place where a person can either be the person they always wished they were, or the person they really are, but can never be in their real life. These groups, as diametrically opposed as they are, are both looking for the same thing: escape. They just go about it differently.

I see no problem with people who choose to withhold information about themselves (or perhaps portray themselves as someone/thing else) due to self esteem issues, but the fact of the matter remains, that eventually, someone’s going to find out. And the people who are hiding are going to have to face telling the truth. If one speaks from the heart about the reasons why, the majority of the people with give a person the benefit of the doubt. There will still be some who feel hurt (getting hurt and feeling hurt in this instance are two separate things), and while that is sad, those are their feelings, and they’re entitled to them.

So long as you speak your truth in the end, that’s all that really matters.

It’s funny, but this actually has been up on my PSHT blog for a few months now. I can recall the day after I posted it, I got a private chat message from cynella saying essentially, “you know, when Norse reads this, he’s gonna want you to write for (that which shall not be named).”

And well after a bit of turbulence, here we are.