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01.05.2013

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These tools are intended to supplement treatment, and are not a replacement for appropriate training.
Ask them to share a story about some times they have displayed these traits, or just let them take the list home to keep as a reminder of their positive qualities.
Coloring page from the book, Be Proud, teaching traits like self respect, honesty, and building self esteem. Coloring page from the book, Be Proud, teaching good character traits that guide good choices.
Talking with Trees books for children teach good character traits, like honesty, respect, responsibility, forgiveness, self-control, and more. The SEA's Model of Self-Esteem As presented in:Self-Esteem Seekers Anonymous - The SEA's Program of RecoveryBy James J. Low self–esteem is at the root of behaviors which make your life feel unproductive or unmanageable. These sources helped to distort your thinking, emotions and actions, resulting in lowered self–esteem. Your emotions and feelings were distorted by the sources of low self–esteem because you were not allowed to express feelings in a "normal'' healthy way. Distorted actions and behaviors resulted from the distortion of thinking and emotions derived from low self–esteem.
The end result of distorted thinking, feelings, and behaviors was low self–esteem which resulted in the development of a personal behavioral pattern or role, we call old unhealthy personality traits.
Your personal adjustment is affected by low self–esteem because you lack the self–confidence to believe in your own abilities and worth.
Relationship problems at home, school, work, socially, and in the community result from low self–esteem. Low self–esteem has its origin in dysfunctional environments and other disastrous relationships.
There are a number of sources of intervention to begin your process of recovery from low self–esteem. The next source of recovery is to get into a peer support group which advocates the twelve steps of Self–Esteem Seeker's Anonymous (the SEA's Program) and the and Buddies at SEA support process. The professional and self–help sources of recovery are essential if you are to recover fully from low self–esteem.
The first goal in the recovery process is to address the distorted thinking, feelings, and behaviors which resulted from the sources of your low self–esteem. To change your unhealthy behaviors you will need to begin to act only on rational thinking and true self–felt feelings. As you work at rewriting and changing your old personality trait's self-scripts, you also need to work at addressing seven problem areas. Self–destructive behaviors — to eliminate these behaviors and gain outside support to ensure your continued abstinence. Control issues — to let go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables in life and to accept self–control over your behaviors and feelings. Personal adjustment — to let go of self–defeating behaviors and to adopt new, healthy behaviors by accepting personal responsibility for self. People with healthy self–esteem have a productive personality; they have achieved success to the best of their ability in school, work, and society. People with high self–esteem are able to accept the responsibility for and consequences of their actions.


Adults with healthy self–esteem look to the future with excitement, a sense of adventure and optimism.
Healthy adult self–esteem is supported in the family, peer group, workplace, and community. The purpose of the twelve–step recovery program of Self–Esteem Seekers Anonymous (the SEA's program) is to assist you to get life under self–control so as to feel more productive and successful.
These old unhealthy personality traits are compulsively driven ways of acting learned in family of origin, school, work, socially, or in the community. Each of these seven problem areas not only results from low self–esteem but contributes to low self–esteem in its own way and to your compulsively driven, unhealthy personality traits.
These negative situations distorted your thinking, feeling, and behaviors which resulted in low self–esteem. The first is individual psychotherapy in which you, with your counselor, explore ways of correcting your irrational thinking, distorted feelings, and aberrant behaviors to help you grow in self–esteem.
These peer support group provide you a laboratory to learn what "normal'' is, to learn to really feel and express your emotions, and to eliminate self–defeating behaviors. If you are not recovered from the self–destructive acts of alcohol abuse, drug abuse, overeating, or gambling, you may need specific treatment programs to help you abstain from these habits. For this reason the first step of SEA's requires that you accept a slow, steady program of recovery to overcome the low self–esteem which has resulted from your home, school, work, and social life.
Because of your low self–esteem, you have sabotaged your own efforts to be successful in life. As a result you develop an unhealthy personality traits which exacerbated your low self–esteem. The combination of professional therapy modalities and twelve–step groups depends on the unique problems arising from your low self–esteem.
You will need to identify, discard, and replace negative self–scripts with daily self–affirmations.
In your new script you need to keep the positive elements of your personality and replace the unhealthy aspects. Self–esteem is a consequence of your recognition of your self–worth by the self–affirmation of your competency, intellect, talent, skills, and abilities. The SEA's program does not dwell on the sources of low self–esteem except to identify the irrational beliefs, repressed or denied feelings, and unhealthy relationships which contributed to it.
If, in a relationship with a parent, a family member or spouse, you worked hard to overcome the other person's irresponsibility and yet no matter what you did it was "never good enough'' to fix the other person's problems, this `"codependent'' relationship negatively affected your self–esteem. The concept of irrational thinking is covered in Tools for Personal Growth, Handling Irrational Beliefs, and Self–Affirmations. The void in your life created by the lack of accepting and letting go of the loss may have created emotional barriers which affected your thinking, feelings, and behaviors resulting in lowered self–esteem. They are often only the visible symptom of the bigger problems emanating from your low self–esteem.
In either case, these control behaviors were unhealthy and negatively affected your self–esteem. These faulty communications resulted in poor problem solving with a sense of failure and lowered self–esteem.
You then experienced unresolved loss, grief, self–destructive behaviors, control issues, unresolved anger, faulty communications, personal adjustment problems, and interpersonal relationship problems.
Your family might need counseling to accept the changes in you and to rewrite the rules, roles, and behavioral scripts in the family which contribute to the lowered self–esteem of each family member.


You will need to feel the power of self–affirmation which results in your growing in self–love and self–caring. Being given the freedom of self–expression within the established rules and norms allows individuals to explore their potential to its fullest; thus there is a greater possibility of becoming successful, healthy achievers. What is more important in the SEA's program of recovery is for you to identify the negative impact of low self–esteem which has resulted in your feelings of being out of control, unproductive, and a loser in life. If, on the other hand, you were dependent on another person to make things right for you, your self–esteem was also hurt. Irrational thinking led you to develop negative self–scripts which keep your self–esteem lowered and make you feel bad about yourself.
Because unresolved anger contributes to a faulty belief system, inadequate emotional life and unhealthy behaviors, it contributes to the lowering of your self–esteem.
You may have severe insecurity and lack of trust in self which inhibit your ability to take a risk. Both parties in a relationship need to have healthy self–esteem in order for the relationship to be healthy. You may need group psychotherapy to work on self–confidence, anger or control issues in an environment where confrontation and honest feedback are used as tools to help you grow in self–love and self–caring. You can "let go'' of the compulsive nature of your old unhealthy personality traits and work at thinking before you act. Hard work, persistence, patience, and a sense of faith and hope will pay off in the end as you begin to feel the glow of healing self–esteem. If you were ever in a relationship at home, school, work or in the community which was disastrous and marked by ill feelings and bad will, your self–esteem was impacted negatively.
It is almost impossible to eliminate these behaviors unless you fall in love with yourself, forgive yourself for your past self–negating behaviors, and enhance your self–esteem.
It also emphasizes taking self–control over your thinking, feelings, and behaviors so that you assume personal responsibility for yourself and enhance your self–esteem.
Low self–esteem has had a major impact on your life and stands as a barrier to your current personal health, serenity, and happiness. You can redefine yourself by letting go of self–defeating behaviors with their negative consequences. If you or a close family member have a developmental disability or chronic illness, your self–esteem was lowered. Distorted feelings, be they repressed, denied, exaggerated or explosive, result in depression, a common feeling experienced by people with low self–esteem. People with low self–esteem seem to seek out others with low self–esteem to establish personal, work, or social relationships.
Self–affirmation and changing old behavioral scripts not only leads to enhanced self–esteem but also to the ability to accept personal responsibility for a healthy self. In recovery the goal is to retain the positive and healthy aspects of the behavioral pattern and convert or eliminate the negative and unhealthy ones.



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