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How to forgive someone and let go of the past,how do you know your soulmate,gifts for appreciation - Good Point

I lived in painful stories and in visions of what could have been if I hadn’t been wronged.
I realize it makes less compelling writing to talk so generally, but these stories aren’t only mine to tell. It’s a hard thing to do—to completely let go of something painful and forgive the person who may or may not have realized what they did.
No one is purely bad, and everyone carries their own pain which influences the decisions they make. And for the most part, we all do the best we can from day to day—even when we hurt someone; even when we’re too stubborn, ashamed, or in denial to admit the hurt we’ve caused. I decided to consult the Tiny Buddha Facebook community to learn how they’ve moved on from anger and resentment. About Lori DescheneLori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. As many others have said, forgiving others is something we need to do for our own health, not the other person’s.
It also means that we no longer need resentment and anger as an excuse for our shortcomings.
I can relate to your story in a big way, and it definitely sounds like you’re making good progress! Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. I have been struggling with forgiveness for many years and I am finally at a point where the anger from it is destroying my being. I have experienced that until it hurts, it is hard to forgive….but as the pain subsides with time, forgiving becomes natural and easy! Thats great to hear all of you have found it in your heart to forgive, but honestly i havent and i dont want to.
After about a month of not really speaking to her even if we were in the same room I just keep my mouth shut and focused my attention on anything but her, we finally discussed what happened.
It sounds to me that you’d prefer not to have her in your life anymore but you think you need to stay angry and hurt to create that protection for yourself.
How do i alter relationships and set bounderies without hurting someone who had nothing to do with any of this, Im not big on hurting the innocent. I understand how all of these suggestions can help, however it doesn’t make me resent the person who wronged me any less.
There came a point when I realized (a) how miserable I was going home to such a toxic and negative environment, and (b) that I was slowly but gradually turning to be like him. I ended up physically distancing myself from him for most of that period, while feeling guilty about it, and hating myself for being so harsh and unforgiving.
It’s OK to forgive from a safe distance and not have anything to do with that person in some situations. If you’re trying hard and haplessly making zero progress, stop trying.  Stop trying and start being. When you see yourself as trying – to do something else or get somewhere else – you don’t interpret what you have and where you are as being good enough.  This perception of constantly trying makes living seem like an endless struggle.
In his best selling book, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle tells us to be the watcher of our thoughts.  What he suggests is that instead of trying to change our thoughts – via gratitude or deliberate forgiveness, for example – we need to simply notice our thoughts without getting caught up in them. By not judging your thoughts or blaming them on anyone else, and merely watching them, there will be a big shift within you – your sense of self worth.
It’s not like you won’t get upset anymore or never feel anxious, but knowing that your thoughts and emotions are just fleeting feelings that are independent of YOU will help ease your tension and increase your positive presence, allowing you to forgive and let go.
The way beyond the pain from the past is not with vengeance, mockery, bullying or retaliation, but with present love. Mistakes are the growing pains of wisdom.  Most of the time they just need to be accepted, not forgiven. There is an obvious shift in your heart and mind that happens when you go from feeling hurt and upset to peaceful and loving, but it’s not necessarily forgiveness that’s taking place, it’s just the realization that there was nothing to forgive in the first place. To help you wrap your head around this concept, try to look at your situation from 40,000 feet.  Imagine a more seasoned, wiser and more compassionate version of yourself sitting at the mountaintop of life, looking down and watching as the younger minded, current version of you hacks your way through life.
Perfection doesn’t exist.  Forgiveness is oftentimes the simple realization that there is nothing that actually needs to be forgiven.
If someone out there knows some kind of way I can apply this to my life so I can get over myself and grow up, please lmk. Act of forgiveness is one of the best deeds, the moment we forgive someone, we feel lighter and relaxed. I started reading your articles and found they were so close to me, situations that I have faced and felt extremely depressed with. I forgive those who hurt me because carrying around hate is just too heavy of a burden to carry. Up until yesterday I thought forgiving someone literally meant letting them off the hook, but I now realize it’s only letting me off the hook.
The one I love may not be in love with me, but I know someday, I’m going to find somebody I love who will feel the same way about me.
I’d like to forgive a friend, who used me for attention when her marriage grew stale. I have to say this article touched home on so many levels and I have to say thank you for taking the time and effort putting this great piece out there for everyone to read. I can say though just by exercising all the points you mentioned be it willfully or simply by accident I came to realize what my own self worth based on seeing the value I bring to those I hold dear to my heart.
Your last point “Would this wiser version of yourself conclude that everyone in their own unique way was doing their very best. I have read countless articles and blogs on forgiveness this past month, and I can honestly say that these five points have had the most impact.
Thank you, after reading the thoughts on your page, I know exactly what I have to do, sometimes reading the wisdom of others is all you need. Your thoughts are true and to the point, its just that some times it is hard to deal with your emotions especially when you have given all of yourself and for no apparent reason your spirit is crushed. My father leaned back in his overstuffed recliner, eating the double-chocolate raspberry gelato I had just bought for him as he stared entranced at the television. My father is slowly deteriorating from Parkinson’s disease, and at the age of eighteen, it’s a difficult experience for me to go through. When I was younger, he wasn’t always the nicest man, especially when it came to disciplining. His eyes were full of hate and anger, and for the next ten years I would hold a deep resentment for him centered around memories such as those. This past May, I graduated from high school and was faced with the path of choosing a school.
I decided to take a gap year to spend time with my father and take some much needed time for myself.
Giving up all those schools and scholarships was difficult, but what I realized would be more difficult was giving up the healing process I could go through right now regarding my past relationship with my dad. I appreciate the sacrifices he has made for me and realize he was the exact father I needed for my self-growth process. Remember that life has an expiration date, which should push you to live the fullest every day. But…I have a feeling with the poison out of my life, therapy and self work is going to stick this time. I definitely agree there is a place where setting boundaries is not only useful, but actually more beneficial for the relationship. I can’t tell you how much therapy, meditation, yoga, journaling, and self-work has changed my life. This article gave me so many reasons to forgive and realize that life is too short to feel that all anger. DisclaimerThis site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. I’d been hurt by a person I trusted, and for a long time in my adolescence I wanted to hurt them back. I blamed someone else for the life I didn’t have, and felt vindicated in the soul-sucking resentment I carried around from day to day. At my angriest point, I was convinced the person who hurt me did it with full intention and cruelty.
And if they’ve hurt another person, even if their ego prevents them from admitting it, odds are they feel remorse on some level. This doesn’t condone their thoughtless, insensitive, or selfish decisions, but it makes them easier to understand. I remind myself that I forgive not for them but for me and that it’s easier to forgive than to hang on to so much anger, hurt and betrayal.

Remind yourself of how much forgiveness would mean to you if it was your turn for a mistake! Because it takes less energy to love and forgive than it does to stay angry and hold a grudge. I know that I need to forgive someone, not for their benefit, but for my own peace of mind. Forgiveness comes easy when you know that what people say or do is about them, it’s not about you. Shift the focus, feel the pain and think of the thousands of others in the world who are also feeling the same pain, then send a loving-kindness message to everyone to be relieved of this suffering. Write a brutally honest, emotionally raw letter telling them how much they have hurt and angered you, then tear it up and burn it.
For some wrongs, I just have to remember that they are responsible for their actions and then it is easier for me to just let it be.
It becomes easy when you remember a time when you were forgiven, centering on how it made you feel. It doesn’t deny, minimize, or justify what others have done to us or the pain that we have suffered.
It doesn’t erase what happened, but it does allow us to lessen and perhaps even eliminate the pain of the past.
We don’t need them as a weapon to punish others nor as a shield to protect ourselves by keeping others away.
It is understanding that the anger and hatred that we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them.
And at one time or another most of us have made the mistake of trying to run away from the past. It was so nice to read what you posted and I will print this and read it when I am feeling lost. I know that goes against everything all of you have said, but i knida fell like my unwillingness to forgive is the only thing thats gonna keep my from getting hurt again. I have found that sometimes the easiest way to forgive someone is to create situation where they can no longer hurt you. I understand about not letting her back into my life, but still forgiving and making the conscious choice to change relationships.
It’s been so long since it happened, and things have improved so much since then, that forgiveness feels easy. When I was old enough to realize that his behavior had had an impact on my self-esteem and self-image, I blamed him for it. I tried many times to forgive him, and I thought I had, but I could feel my anger and resentment surging whenever another of his outbursts or tantrums occurred, of which, by then, it was my mother usually bearing the brunt.
Rather than pretend this area of my life never existed, I tried to be honest with myself and to acknowledge it, even sharing with a few friends and anonymously online. I really want to be free from this emotional baggage, but it seems there’s just such a long way to go. I realized a long time ago that they are just being perfect in their imperfections, nothing to forgive. I am so thankful for this article; this is the first time I came across your site and rest assured I will continue reading it. We can have that with our pets, but if we are mature and individuated, we do have conditions. Letting me off the hook of resentment, and anger, and frustration, and hopelessness, and hurt. I have to move on, and not only that, I have to accept that there are things that cannot be, no matter how much we try to make it the way we want it to be.
Needless to say I had the opportunity to make a choice after all what was said done and that was to 1)seclude myself or 2)surround myself with those who are a positive influence in my life. The journey made me realized more then anything that my heart or rather my ability to love is the culmination of the love and kindness bestowed onto me by my friends and family and I am all but obligated to protect my heart but more importantly share it throughout without fear.
In that what I thought was a great lost was only another step towards reaching that kinder and wiser individual sitting at that high viewpoint. I have not been able to get past some things that have hindered my relationship with my girlfriend. I forgive you for all the angst and bitterness that I formed due to the words, And I forgive myself for the things I did to hurt you.
After reading your thoughts I have been helped to move on but more especially to forgive because the pain I felt had compelled me to wish the same on the individual.
I have been unable to find the words to describe this feeling I’ve been having sometimes during yoga or meditation. Be single and enjoy it – It is vital that you not only learn how to live alone, but learn how to be comfortable in your own skin and enjoy your own company. Travel – You don’t have to wait until the kids are grown or you’ve finished that degree to see the world. Let go of the past – There is something that all of us could benefit from letting go. I can remember him screaming at me to get on the ground and do push-ups for back-talking my mother. I’m a very serious musician, so I auditioned at eight schools all over the country, and got accepted to six. But, as my anger continued to brew for my father and his health deteriorated, I realized that he wouldn’t be here much longer.
I’m sure I will learn much more in the year to come, but I believe I have learned some valuable lessons thus far. Saying, “I’m sorry,” and expecting everything to fade away and be sunshine and roses is ridiculous. I’m happy that my sweet father is transitioning to a better place and am thankful for all of the life lessons he has taught me. The silver lining to this final straw is that I am able to walk away, and be happy with my family of choice.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my life is forgiving, regardless of where the other person was at. I think everyone has to go through this phase and it is very important to have peace than anger. Forgiveness is definitely a process and a difficult one to overcome, but I believe fully worth it in the end:) Have a blessed week! Self-forgiveness is a difficult process, but one that I have found and am sure will continue to find is very rewarding. I am in a similar situation with a dear friend right now and am learning the balance between forgiving someone, but still holding some boundaries. I was searching an article for how am I forgive the one who hurt me but this one is my favorite article. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. So perhaps the kindest thing I can do both for them and me is not retell the story, but instead create a new one: a story about letting go.
I tend to find that, if I am wronged, I forgive the person before they forgive themselves, and when I am in need of forgiveness, it is I who feels the guilt for longer.
As you watch the smoke rise, think about the fact that you are not that hurt and that anger.
The pain from our past no longer dictates how we live in the present, and it no longer determines our future. It is seeing how we hide ourselves in our anger and how those feelings prevent us from healing.
It is realizing that the energy that we spend hanging on to the past is better spent on improving our present and our future. The problem is that no matter how fast or how far we run, the past always catches up to us-and usually at the most inopportune time. You are right when you say forgiveness is not easy but it’s wonderful you have found it.
When I trusted myself, the anger was gone, and I could trust myself to interact with them without collapsing or lashing out. Forgiving her does not have to mean letting her back into your life–it just means you release your resentment and then take better care of yourself going forward. You can just as easily make a choice and set a boundary from a place of strength and peace. I didnt think about it in the last post, but her husband is also my other best friend and weve never had any problems as long as Ive known him.
I dont mind being around her anymore, but its more like Im in her life rather than shes in mine or were in each others, cause I dont let her close enough to really consider her in my life at this point.
If taking care of you means you need to see him less, then in the end, that’s probably the best thing to do.

I’ve been unable to forgive myself for the fact that I exist for a very long time now.
I also need to forgive myself for the mistake I made in betraying those I care about and love deeply.
I have exerted so much energy into a relationship that has not given much back, full of dishonesty, lies and pain. People do have to treat each other well and behave responsibly to feel loved and truly be loved. And then she broke up with me because she admitted to not being able to end her relationship with him.
We still to this day have not spoken, and have barely acknowledged each other’s presence when we are in the same room or place. I know in order to set myself free I must forgive and I just ask you all to pray for me and my husband and that he too will break free from his addiction.
Of course the choice was a no brainer and needless to say surrounding myself with loved ones helped a great deal but the process of forgetting what was lost was still a difficult one. We are at a boiling point and for the first time Ive been able to smile and I forgive you for everything.
I can now move ahead and not carry that load on my shoulders and work at being a better man, and if I can continue this journey with you then you can expect a better man by your side.
In the aftermath of infidelity I find myself loving and being loved more than I ever thought possible.
Well it is inevitable and here is a list of 9 things that you must do while you’re still 29. It may take time and it can be stressful or challenging, but when you finally get there, it will be worth it!
Accept the past, your mistakes and the things that may have happened to you, and then decide that you won’t let it define your life anymore. I would rather forgive his behavior and look at how it has benefited me than hold resentment.
Angela dreams of writing a self-help book to help teenagers find happiness and spirituality. I can move on with my life without having to forgive the person who did me wrong, but their actions will be a constant reminder, so it will stay in the back of my mind. After all, life isn’t always positive and uplifting, sometimes it can be abrupt and sad. I let go of the anger 6 months ago by seeing their perspective but a part of me felt that there wasn’t any justice.
Forgive is one of the hardest decision that we make but when we are finally to end up those hatred feelings we need to forgive, not only for those who hurt us but of course its for own good. My fiance and I are in a really bad place right now because he’s crossed boundaries with female coworkers.
Were also all doing the best we can, according to our own evolutionary state, including those we find hard to forgive. And it allows us to see how much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not forgiving.
It is discovering the inner peace that becomes ours when we let go of the past and forget vengeance. Letting THAT obsession go as well as the socially unacceptable one of anger, maybe that’s a way of remembering the fact of impermanence (in THIS second, every second), which automatically provides lightness, presence, and inherent rather than manufactured forgiveness. What’s helped me is to remember that while it might not always seem like it in the moment, things always get better and easier with time. Then before i know it i was being told by her in an angry voice I should stop complaining and just kill myself, which she was aware that i had already tried twice when i was younger. Ive had people in the past screw me then apologize then do all over again, like some kinda sick game.
We’ve started hanging out again since that incident, and she thought everything was fine and all is forgiven but Ive noticed when im around her now my guard is almost always up and i still refuse to open up to her emotionally like i used to at all. It took me a long time to fully forgive, and I couldn’t do it without time and space.
As far as I know, either he doesn’t know the affair happened or chooses not to acknowledge it.
I wonder sometimes if I should just bite the bullet, re-friend her, but keep her at a distance. Sometimes I feel very down about the situation, but if I ever hope to heal our relationship, I’m glad to be reminded that mistakes need to be accepted. I have love for her and if I truly love her I must forgive and honestly I have forgiven myself for the wrong that I have done her in the past and recently. I have always said sorry but I have never asked for forgiveness nor have I offered it until today.
As I allow my mind to work through its struggles I have been feeling the let go happening, it isn’t forgiveness, though it is the absence of the need for revenge.
Losing weight not only has a feel good factor but it also makes you realise how you were ignoring your health all this while. If you’re at peace with yourself now, then you’re ready to rock your thirties and the remainder of your life. She is a lover of what is and is constantly improving her internal self to better serve humankind. He’s managed to develop these so called platonic friendships with two women at work and I found out about them a couple of months ago. As the smoke carrying your hurt and disappointment disappears into the air, you can let it go.
It was a lot easier for me to forgive people who hurt my terribly after I made the conscious choice to change those relationships.
I would always pull from the past and throw it in her face when I felt she hurt me and she would do the same. In such an absence I find my mind fills with gratitude & appreciation for the clear space in my thoughts where something resentful used to live. In any event, holding onto negative emotions regardless of the justification only ever harms yourself. It is so amazing how many ways God speaks to us, it brings a tear to my eye as I type because when we think He is not there, when we think He is just watching, He really has His hand right on our situation. Putting life in context of an expiration date will hopefully encourage others to keep this in mind and forgive those people who have hurt them the most. So I reached out to the ones that hurt me and asked for their forgiveness of me not letting go of the hurt. We are high school sweet hearts and have two beautiful kids together we are best friends and all of the sudden this comes out of no where.
I know you all say forgiveness is better than not, but what if i forgive her and it happens all over again.
I need to let go of all that garbage and of course there are a lot of values in me right here, right now.
He just seemed to be acting funny and I decide to check his phone I found text messages between him and one of the women discussing how angry they were that a rumor was Hong around the work place that they were secretly seeing each other. She’s a sweet girl but has plenty of friends, and a husband who loves her unconditonally. I forgive her and all that is in the past can stay in the past I can not wist a brighter past I can only work with what I have now at this moment and make it brighter.
I feel alive right now, as if the first time I don’t have a heavy heart and bad feelings towards her about an argument. Red flags went up I decided to check his phone bill he was actually speaking to her on the phone during work hours for long periods of time.
All this drama aside I just want an opinion from someone who has an idea of what im going through. Time will help your wounds, although they will not fully heal until you commit to making your life better. I understand the concept if someone had a short term memory issue which had them with no choice but to live in the moment. I turned to God, positive sites like this that speak openly and honestly, and confided in people I could trust.

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