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Healing thoughts for the day,how do i build my own confidence,acem meditation usa - For Begninners

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I am going to the bathroom about every 15-20 minutes during the day and 8-10 times at night, not to mention increased incontinence ( 3-4 medium pads a day).
Course when I learnt the Vipassana energy from the Source, it heals our every need advanced. I just wish they were magicians too, lol!So I made it through the day yesteray, but I made the mistake of holding it alot. I have IBS and an as yet undiagnosed suspected auto-immune disease and my symptoms from both of these are spiking as well.
I know I shouldn't hold, I have had IC for almost 5 years and I know I did two of the bigest no-no's: holding and pushin!

I'm sure the added stress of worrying about your job makes the IC symptoms worse, but I also know it is impossible not to worry.
The thought of having to put my happy face on and get through this day is daunting at the least. I am desperately trying to work, but missed a few days last week, which isn't good as I am out of sick leave and any days I miss now are unpaid. But I got so caught up in a busy work day and now I am paying for it!I got alot of sleep but have a nasty headache from taking the max of painkillers and valium! My doc is in high demand; he has patients coming to see him from several other states, NYC and Canada (his office is in Rochester, NY) He is one of the top IC doctors in the country, he collaborates with the famous doctor Moldwin and his hospital is constantly doing IC research. Even though I am in a Union and have contacted my rep (they are letting me use FML again this year), I could still be fired for just about anything as I am a year shy of tenure.

I do have all my restrictions and a note saying I need frequent restroom access from my doc on file, but people have been fired for little things lately and I am super scared. My entire summer was horrible, and all I remember about my summer was the extreme PAIN and discomfort that I was in.
I am home from work today, even though I know I won't get paid I couldn't go, just too much pain.
This way I can take my stronger meds without fear of having to drive and care for a disabled child, and I can get some rest too.

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