SYNOPSIS OF CHAPTER VIII:
THE IMPACT OF SEX-SCRIPTS ON OUR RELATIONSHIPS
If our imprinted sexual fantasies shape our
sexual responses,
this is certain to have some impact on our sexual relationships.
We probably began our adult relationships for other reasons than sex,
for instance, because we experienced good personal interaction.
In the long process of becoming adults, we have matured in many ways,
but our sex-scripts have not matured along with us.
Thus our ‘immature’ sexual responses might disrupt our adult
relationships.
If our sex-scripts are particularly strong,
our ‘sex-drives’ might overwhelm us.
We might seem to be possessed by alien forces taking over our bodies.
And our sex-scripts might urge us to engage in sexual behavior
that is distasteful to our sex-partners—or even to ourselves.
Put another way, we might experience a struggle between lust and love.
As the adults we have become, we want good loving relationships.
But when we open the sexual phase of a relationship,
our ‘adolescent’ sexual responses might submerge
the adult persons we have become thru years of personal growth.
Because our sex-scripts usually come from an
earlier phase of our lives,
we often do not want to share them with our sex-partners.
But if we are entering a long-term sexual relationship with someone,
perhaps that person should know our sexual dynamics,
even if we feel silly or ashamed about our imprinted responses.
Many men seem to have Playboy sexual fantasies,
which means that they respond to conventionally-sexy women.
This might cause no problems as long as ‘their women’ like to play
bunny.
But women who resist being generic Playboy bunnies
might have problems relating to men who have such sex-scripts.
Likewise, women sometimes have sex-scripts
that depict macho men,
a stereotype that might be difficult for real men to emulate.
The kind of man who ‘really turns her on’ might not be someone she
could love.
The woman might be torn between her imprinted response to movie heroes
and her response to a gem-of-a-man who could never become a sex-idol.
Or perhaps the woman gets ‘turned on’ by a fantasy of sexual submission.
But in her adult loving relationships, she is not masochistic.
It should be possible for rational people to
admit to each other
that they have possibly-troublesome sex-scripts.
But once they have discussed their (unchangeable) sexual imprinting,
they might be able to build a relationship on a better foundation.
In any case, we should never allow our sexual
passion
to lead to unwanted pregnancy or to disease.
110 IMPRINTED SEXUAL
FANTASIES: A NEW KEY FOR
SEXOLOGY by JAMES PARK
Created
3-16-2008; Revised