We readily accept the notion that we all have
‘sex-drives’.
These are supposed to be innate impulses based in biology.
But when we examine our ‘sex-drives’ closely,
we see that they differ substantially from animal sexuality.
Perhaps we find the notion of ‘sex-drive’ appealing
because it allows us to be somewhat irresponsible with our sexuality.
We like believing our sexual urges are beyond our control.
We do experience our sexuality as something
given to us,
a force or tendency we did not create and which we do not understand.
Our ‘sex-drives’ might feel like strange forces possessing our bodies.
We are often tempted to compare our ‘need for
sex’ with hunger.
Because we are biological organisms, we naturally get hungry.
Likewise, because we are sexual organisms, we naturally get horny.
But is horniness really like hunger?
Do we need sex in the same way that we need food?
Without food, we die; but we can survive for years without sex.
(See Chapter 4 of James Park’s New Ways of Loving: “Loving without
Needing:
Seven Pre-Existing Needs and How to Transcend Them”.)
Chapter I INTRODUCING
THE SEX-SCRIPT
HYPOTHESIS by
JAMES
PARK
7
But our experience of sexual urges does disclose this truth:
We did not choose the sexual ideas that arouse us.
These responses have been imprinted in us more or less haphazardly.
We just discover that certain things arouse us sexually.
Unlike our need for food—which we must satisfy
or die—
we can respond to our sexual urges more rationally.
We can even reject the sexual urges we discover within ourselves.
This is another sense in which we speak of having sex-drives.
We might feel driven in directions we would never have chosen.
We might wish we did not have these sex-drives—or that they did not
have us.
This experience of being possessed by our sexual interests
reinforces the feeling that sex is a drive.
Perhaps we feel driven by a force larger than ourselves:
“My sex-drive made me do it.” “I was possessed by an overwhelming
urge.”
“I don’t know what happened to me; I felt controlled by an alien force.”
But the sex-script hypothesis might explain
more than ‘sex-drives’.
Usually we do not remember how our sexual fantasies were imprinted.
(Neither do we remember the imprinting of our native language.)
We just discover these sexual images and symbols deep in our minds.
We cannot really disown our sex-scripts.
But we can acknowledge them as given parts of our psyches.
We did not choose which sexual fantasies ‘turn us on’.
And as we mature, we must cope with our imprinted sex-scripts.
Probably most of us have imprinted sexual
fantasies we like,
but some individuals find themselves possessed by troublesome ‘drives’.
If we study these unusual and problematic sex-scripts,
we might discover some interesting elements of ordinary sex-scripts.
People who have trouble with their imprinted
sexual fantasies
often experience them as especially powerful.
They find themselves ‘driven’ into patterns of sexual behavior
that in more reflective moments they are not proud to admit.
They experience themselves as unfree with respect to these impulses.
When we find ourselves in conflict with our sex-scripts,
we see clearly that our sexual fantasies were not learned responses,
which we cultivated by careful practice—like a golf swing or playing
the piano.
When our sex-scripts ‘cause’ behavior of which
we are ashamed,
we are dealing with sexual impulses we would prefer to repress.
When we find ourselves in situations that trigger our sexual fantasies,
we experience sexual interest and arousal as happening to us.
For instance, some men say that sexy women provoke them beyond
endurance.
They feel out of control when women trigger their sexual responses.
8 IMPRINTED SEXUAL
FANTASIES: A NEW KEY
FOR SEXOLOGY by
JAMES PARK
If sex-scripts are imprinted at an early age,
this might explain why we sometimes experience them as alien sexual
impulses.
When we think more clearly, however,
we realize that our behavior always remains under our conscious control
—even tho we feel pulled by internal impulses that we do not control.
Even when our sex-urges feel very strong, as rational beings,
we always have the choice to follow or resist those impulses.
Perhaps it is quite difficult to avoid the unwanted behavior,
but the examples of people recovering from all manner of ‘addictions’
shows that we do have the power to govern our behavior.
Popular thinking has not criticized the notion
of ‘sex-drives’
because it is a concept that suits our feelings about ourselves.
And if we have imprinted sexual fantasies that cause little or no
trouble,
we just accept them without asking where they came from
and how much power they have over us.
We feel comfortable accepting our ‘human sexuality’
—as we assume animals accept their sexuality.
We believe our ‘sex-drives’ are natural, requiring no further
explanation.
But when we note that some people have
troublesome sex-scripts
—‘sex-drives’ that lead them into sexual behavior they do not like—
then we have reason to pause and examine human sexuality.
If sex-scripts lead some people into sexual behavior that is illegal
or that people with common sex-scripts call “perverse”,
we need to explore the connection between will and sex.
The two pages above are from Chapter I
of Imprinted Sexual Fantasies
by James Park.
This link leads to the table of contents,
from which you can read the rest of this chapter.
Page numbers appear at the bottom of each page—with
the footer.