Disabled Body with an Able Mind

SYNOPSIS:

A personal story about a creative and able mind
trapped in a disabled body.
I will attempt to bring awareness
of how Society treats people with disabilities
and suggests ways to bring acceptance for disabled persons
in America and maybe all over the globe.

OUTLINE:

1. Discovering My Disability

2. My School and Church Experience

3. My Depression and Therapy

4. Misery

5. The Epiphany & A New Community

6. Society's Disability

7. My Dream For Tomorrow

1. Discovering My Disability

Let me transport you to a cold November night in 1980,
I was born in Athens, GA
and basically was a healthy baby or so it seemed.
But, life had a different path for me.
As it turned out, I've needed a pacemaker.
That was not the final punch nor did it even compare
to what was knocking at the crib where I slept.
Who knew what I would have to face in my older years?

At the age of 7, my life began to literally topple like dominos.
For a while, I would walk a short distance and be so tired
that my father had to pick me up and carry me on his shoulders.
We'd go to Stone Mountain or Six Flags
and I couldn't make it around the park without help.

As I turned 8, walking became harder and on top of being tired,
I was falling more and climbing stairs was getting difficult.
My family and I didn't understand what was occurring.
We figured I was just clumsy and lazy.
We didn't know my body was declining.

When I turned 9, we visited a doctor in Athens
and we discovered something no parent nor child should ever hear.
After a few tests, the doctor left the room
and returned with the brutal news.
"You have Muscular Dystrophy, the most severe type for boys." he said.
My mother was shocked but I was only a kid and didn't understand.
Still, my grades declined.
I gave up on my studies and the teachers gave up on me
and placed me in special education classes.
Slowly, as the doctors predicted, my body started a change,
one that brought my entire world to a halt.
I felt that my fall would never end.
My legs had walked their last steps and my back was unable to function.
Imagine being a little boy dealing with these major issues.
I couldn't play with normal kids because their parents didn't understand
and feared their kids could be infected with my disease.
That does a lot of damage to a young kid's mind.
He starts to think he's just an illness.

2. My School and Church Experience

Well I dropped out of school in December 1995
because it was simply a nightmare filled with anger and hateful desires.
I was bullied, and everyone was so condescending
and I was verbally abused.
I started going to Holiness Church located in my city.
They told me that God had healed me.
I felt this was true and decided to become a member.
I attended faithfully for over a year
hoping that God would cure me,
but slowly I drifted away into a deep depression
because I felt like God didn't care.
Maybe, comments like this one is why I decided to leave.
"If you're a cripple, you're the spawn of Satan," a preacher said there.
How could a "man of God" be so cruel?
That made me feel that I was the spawn of Satan.
Eventually, I left this church.
And for a long time I had a lot of hatred for all Christians
because of the behavior of a few.
But I've come to see it's not right to hate like that.
It's taken some time though.

3. My Depression and Therapy

By the end of that year, I was a freak of nature, and lonely.
A great depression set in.
I was caught up in a storm of anger.
The wrath of Kris rained down on everyone.
I was ruining good friendships
and damaging myself more every time I breathed.
On July 4th 1998, suicide weighed heavily on my mind and I longed to die.
I was lonely once more
and if a gun or pain medicine had been in my grasp,
I wouldn't be alive today.
But I sought help from a Psychologist and discovered myself again
after shutting down, almost to the point of no return.
I found a new way to relieve stress and that therapy was heavy metal.
One band that changed my mind about suicide was Metallica.
I'm now a fan for life.
The song that made all the difference was Fade to Black.
This song was a way to express myself with words instead of with suicide.
And, I struggled with these demons inside of me for a couple of years.
I fell into a dark hole,
completely embedded in a massive swirling emotional vortex.
I wasn't sure if I would have enough strength or the will power
to even try to climb out of the hole.
I became withdrawn, trapped in my own prison
of self-doubt, loneliness and darkness.
Could I escape the endless battle without an end,
permanently damaging my soul,
and possibly ending my worthless life?
I was in a very dark place when I was moved to write this poem.

4. Misery

The pain is here inside my soul,
misunderstood so broken and cold.
The misery is here inside my soul,
mistaken I'm not within control.
The hurt is here inside my own solitude,
no way to control the hate,
the anger, the hurt, the pain, tear me open
let me bleed out all these feelings
deep inside before I go insane
and end my own life

5. The Epiphany & A New Community

In 2001, around the end of the summer,
I discovered a version of myself that I never thought existed.
After 9/11 happened and it made me look deeper inside myself
and I discovered love, reason and, most importantly, peace.
But after 6 years of therapy and music, my views changed a lot.
Yes, I escaped my own prison.
But, it took something severe to break me free from the torment.
I watched my aunt die a slow agonizing death from cancer.
I had an epiphany that made me completely rethink my existence.
Her death made me understand what pain is.
Above all else, I finally discovered compassion.

It's 2003 and life has completely changed.
I discovered a new community in April of 2002.
And after one year, I'm a proud member of
the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Athens and their choir.
I love being part of wonderful fellowship.
Since I have been going, it's completely changed my view of the world.
I saw a bright shining light at the end of depression's darkness,
and discovered a new life for myself.

6. Society's Disability

I am no longer living on the idea that I'm crippled
or different from the rest
and I'm now on the same level as the rest of humanity.
It's just too bad that the rest of society hasn't learned this yet.
I think society hasn't yet learned this
because of the programming people receive from society.
This programming shows up
in the very words that we use to describe disabled people.
The word "crippled" used to be the common terminology.
Now "handicap" is the new improved putdown.
Words like this express certain attitudes about the people they are aimed at.
They're usually not positive attitudes.

And speaking of programming,
I recently brought a new PC a few months ago.
But while I was speaking to the salesman, instead of looking at me,
he looked at my parents and talked to me indirectly.
Did he pick up the idea somewhere
that you shouldn't stare at a disabled person
even if you're having a conversation with one?
It took a lot to keep me from lashing out and making a scene.

See, this programming still exists in society
because society have mistreated people with disabilities in the past
and that attitude has seeped into today's generation
and we must accept that we have a crippled society
and only we can heal society's disability.
Historically, people with disabilities have had little success
in vindicating their rights in court.
This data proves that there is a dangerous virus
infesting society's view about disabled persons.
And today is the day that I will start a process
of exterminating the virus that has been dominating society for centuries.
It is time, it is a new day, and soon the programming in society
will be debugged of its errors
and a new program will take over
because I'm tired of being the stereotyped disabled person.

So, I'm sitting up and holding my head up
and will let my voice ring around the world.
Only this way will the views of the next generation be different.
I feel it is time to make a statement of concern,
a statement for every home that cares for a disabled person.
I, for one don't seek pity or want someone to belittle me.
I see it, I felt it, and it saddens me to see how society treats the minority.
The Jews and the African Americans have felt the sting of discrimination.
Gays are feeling that hatred
because society has closed them out of the mainstream.
And disabled persons are feeling that also.
It's impact on society will be beyond mending it's wounds
unless we turn this American nightmare, back into the American Dream.
We should brave the society's storm of pity,
the rain of hatred, the damaging winds of discrimination
and we can overcome this man made disaster
that reigns over the minds of humanity.

7. My Dream For Tomorrow

One year ago, I had an idea, which is now my dream
to break thru the sound proof walls
that are keeping the voices of disabled persons muffed.
I am that voice that will destroy that wall.
Now, after 22 years of my life,
I've finally discovered the reason I am this way.
The reason why I'm disabled
is to change society's view of disabled persons.

See, Martin Luther King Jr. stood for justice, equality
and above all else, freedom for his fellow man.
He stood amongst millions in 1963 and made his speech.
He said, "I have a dream today."
See, I also have a dream today and I mean no disrespect.
I have a dream that in the near future people who are disabled
won't be treated as though they can't think.
I have a dream that we can change society's views
and change the negative attitudes that disabled persons face.
I have a dream that my dream will become reality
and this dream will be fulfilled only if we educate today's generation
to accept different body types
and only if we refuse to allow teachers and schools
to place disabled students in a room for special education all day.
I have a dream that the disabled students
will not be an outcast and other students can see for themselves
that a disabled body has an able mind.

I'm asking you to help my dream come true.
It is a dream of compassion for and acceptance of the disabled persons
into the mainstream of society.
My dream is closer to becoming a reality.
I feel that only we can change this sad attitude,
an attitude that has been oppressing disabled persons for years.
I feel the metamorphosis starting to occur.
The transformation of Society
that views disabled persons as weak, and imbeciles
to a new society seeing disabled persons as strong, intelligent humans.

And I believe, that one fine glorious day,
society's hammer will crumble away,
allowing that hate and oppression
that exists for disabled persons in every nation to melt away,
thus letting all humanity hear my words of acceptance.
Only we can break these chains
that have tied disabled persons down to pity and stereotypes.
Help me change this hateful attitude that only creates
more hatred and depression among disabled persons.
Help me make the life for disabled persons joyous and full of peace
instead of an imprisonment filled with self doubt,
and emotional wounds instilled in the minds, hearts & souls
of disabled persons all around the world.

And, when my dream becomes a reality,
disabled and able bodies will hold hands and we will stand & sit together
and justice will prevail and the injustices will finally cease
because we have broken the bondage of hate,
we conquered the demons of oppression,
and we have engulfed discrimination in flames,
and melting the ice of society's cold shoulder.
This is my vision for the future,
and the world will change when my dream is realized
and I can see a entire planet finally living
with freedom, justice, and peace for all humanity.
Let's wake society up from this nightmare and that is still my dream.

AUTHOR:

Kris Kirk is an advocate for disability rights.
He also has a deep interest in music.
During his free time, he is developing websites and singing.
He has created an online journal
and enjoys writing short stories and poetry.
He has many goals and the will power to make them reality.

I'd love to hear what you think about this article.
Email me via musicman2003@alltel.net
http://vividxp.cjb.net
& http://thinkinsoul.diaryland.com

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