I was stuck in an emotional prison for years.  It got worse and worse until finally it went critical, and it was make or break time for me.  Fate threw the dice my way and I made it, but let me tell you -- boy did it hurt.  At the time, I seriously questioned whether all the pain was worth it. 

Oh yeah, I thought about it all right... but I’m still here, aren’t I?  

No, no, you’re right, I’m not all here; something’s missing.   I thought about that a lot, too, and I finally came to the conclusion that this is what Jesus was talking about when he said, “If your eye offends thee, then pluck it out; if your arm offends thee cut it off; for it is better to go through life lame and/or blind than to lose your immortal soul.”  Or something like that.  I think that what he -- or if not him exactly, at least whoever wrote it down -- was saying is that sometimes -- or maybe always, I don't know -- there’s an integral part of our being that is just totally fucked up, and that even though it’s a part of us, of who we are, and without it we’ll be somehow incomplete, it’s still nevertheless totally fucked up and we have to get rid of it.  Sometimes it’s a dream that we hold onto and can't let go of, sometimes it’s our love, or what we love, or how we love, sometimes it’s just a habit, but whatever it is, as soon as we recognize that it’s fucked up and that it’s fucking us up then we have to “pluck it out,” get rid of it; sell it or trade it if we can, but if we can’t, then we have to  just chuck it overboard and be done with it; just walk away and don't look back.

Well, that’s what I did, anyway.  I know I’m missing something, but at least I’m not missing it all.