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David Archuleta - Top 24 Contestants - American Idol

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 10:44:49 GMT

# Hometown: Murray, UT
# Favorite Quote: "You'll never be lonely if you learn to befriend yourself."
# Audition City: San Diego
# Musical Influences: Natalie Cole, Stevie Wonder, Kirk Franklin, Bryan Adams.

Holy Cross High School has announced the names of students attaining honor roll status for the third quarter. Holy Cross Releases Voices Area Honors

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 10:55:14 GMT

Voices area students named were:

Bethlehem

First Honors

Brendan Loyot, grade 10; Andrew Wells-Qu, 12.

Second Honors

Joseph Stein, 12; Tanner Young, 9.

Middlebury

First Honors

Joseph Jacovino III, 11; Caitlin Zimyeski, 11.

Second Honors

Maria Albini, 10; Katie Brown, 9; Christopher Bussiere, 10; Michael-Vincent Croce, 12; Paul Dente, 9; Alexandra DiMeco, 9; Brian Elser, 12; Jaimie Kanca, 11; Arielle Matthews, 11; Gregory O'Donnell, 10; Timothy O'Donnell, 11; Taryn Papa, 12; Steven Zembruski, 11.

Oxford

First Honors

Ryan Borowy, 11; Jeanette Scinto, 9.

Second Honors

Kaitlyn Aiksnoras, 10; Joseph Hogerheide, 10; Richard Marano Jr., 10; Michelle Marano, 12; Russel Stepan, 12.

Southbury

First Honors

Timothy Brady, 12; Sarah Herlihy, 11; Sean Ramsey, 11; Patrick Wellington, 12.

Woodbury

First Honors

David Buckley, 12; Alicia Mirabilio, 12; Erik Misenis, 9; Ashley Steinfeld, 10; Christopher Torello, 12.

Second Honors

Nicholas Hogrefe, 12; Julia Schiano, 9; Conner Sumrell, 9; Gregory Warner, 9; Jenna Wilke, 12.

Demolition of giant Buddha statue at Tibetan monastery confirmed by China

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:24:17 GMT

The Chinese authorities have issued a rare statement acknowledging the 'removal' of a giant gold and copper plated statue of Guru Rinpoche (Padmasambhava) donated by Chinese Buddhists to Samye monastery in Tibet and demolished by Chinese People's Armed Police in mid-May. There has been a trend towards the tightening of control over religion in Tibet, and this demolition is an example of the aggressive enforcement of wide-ranging new regulatory measures introduced in the Tibet Autonomous Region (TAR) in January 2007, and in China in 2005.

The 30-feet high statue at Samye, Tibet's oldest monastery, was apparently funded by two Chinese devotees from Guangzhou in the southern Chinese province of Guangdong. There is an increasing interest in Tibetan Buddhism among Chinese people, with many now following Tibetan Buddhist teachers and going on pilgrimage in Tibet. Local Tibetan devotees were frightened to disclose information about the incident after People's Armed Police troops were deployed around the monastic compound during the demolition process in Lhoka prefecture (Chinese: Shannan), the TAR.

Lodi Gyaltsen Gyari, Special Envoy of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, said: "This divisive and sacrilegious act by an atheist state has caused deep anguish among Tibetans in the region. It is particularly sad that the authorities destroyed the statue of a Buddhist leader who is revered by both Tibetans and Chinese. The Buddha Dharma has the potential to bring more Tibetan and Chinese people together, and so the demolition of the Guru Rinpoche statue at Samye is nothing less than an act of splittism."

New regulatory measures adopted in China from March 1, 2005, outlaw construction of "large-size outdoor religious statues" by individuals or organizations "other than religious bodies, monasteries, temples, mosques and churches." (Article 24). Article 13 of the new religious measures adopted by the TAR from January states that "Organisations and individuals not belonging to religious organizations or places of religious activity may not erect or construct large-scale outdoor religious statues or mani lhakhang [prayer wheel temple]."

Images on ICT's website at taken by a photographer who wishes to remain anonymous show the statue nearing completion in February before its demolition three months later. The official Chinese report, issued on June 9 by the Democratic Management Committee of Samye monastery and published by the China Tibet Information Center, said that the construction of the statue "disobeyed the Law of the People's Republic of China on Protection of Cultural Relics and the Notice of Illegally Building Open Statue of Buddha....Samye Monastery then self moved the open-air statue forwardly [sic]" (the full statement is at: http://info.tibet.cn/en/news/tin/t20070609_250524.htm).

Guru Rinpoche ('precious master'), or Padmasambhava, is accredited with establishing Buddhism in Tibet in the 8th century, and with laying the foundation for Samye monastery. Worship of Padmasambhava is of particular spiritual and historical significance to Tibetans, who believe that worshipping him can remove obstacles to the practice of Tibetan Buddhism, as well as preservation of Tibet's unique Buddhist culture. Samye monastery, in Dranang county, is recognized as the first monastery in Tibet, the place where monks were ordained and trained for the first time.

Even if Samye monastery had arranged for the construction of the Guru Rinpoche statue, the monastery would still have had to apply to higher Communist authorities for permission from the State Council (the State Administration of Religious Affairs), after the Lhoka prefecture and Religious Affairs Bureaus of the TAR regional governments had both granted permission. The scope of the new regulatory measures, as well as hostile statements against the Dalai Lama made by leaders in the TAR, indicate a stepped up commitment in recent months to strengthen the Chinese Communist Party's control over religion.

A Tibetan in the Samye area told the Tibetan Center for Human Rights and Democracy: "Tibetans in Lhoka, particularly in Dranang country, did not dare to challenge the officials openly but deep inside their heart, people fear and worry that the demolition of Guru Rinpoche's statue and transportation of its rubble bear a resemblance to the dark era of the Cultural Revolution." (TCHRD report, June 4).

Implementation of state religious policy has been particularly harsh in Tibet because of the close link between religion and Tibetan identity and nationalism. As the Dalai Lama and Tibetan Buddhism gain in popularity and influence worldwide - including among many Chinese - Beijing has entrenched its position on religion, introducing new measures in an attempt to curb the Dalai Lama's authority and control religious practice.

In Second Life, no jail time for fictional crime

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:23:31 GMT

There are digital worlds out there that most of us have no idea about. One of them is called Second Life (SL), and it's got 6 million residents. These residents are avatars – animated cartoon-like characters – created by ordinary people who register to take part in Second Life. These ordinary people buy their avatars houses, open bank accounts for them, take them out to bars, and let them throw parties. All the things we all do in our first lives.

Occasionally things get out of hand, as often happens when cartoon characters get together. Recently, an avatar was allegedly raped, and some people want the perpetrator brought to justice. And I don't mean the avatar.

They want the real person who created the rapist avatar to be punished in real life for what his character did in Second Life. The Washington Post recently reported that police in Belgium are investigating whether a crime had been committed.

I think I can help with their investigation. And I'd like to. The answer to whether a crime was committed is no. Because if the answer were yes, we'd have to start prosecuting authors who create characters that commit crimes against other characters. We'd have actresses on "Law & Order" who play rape victims filing charges in the real world against the writers who created the characters who assaulted them. See how obvious the boundaries are when applied to fictional worlds we're familiar with such as those in literature and TV? But boundaries are not so obvious when applied to digital worlds.

Officials in Germany are looking into an incident involving sex between an adult and a child that occurred in SL. German laws against child pornography are so strict that many reasonable people believe they apply to acts that occur in digital worlds such as SL. The FBI has also been called in to SL to ensure that casinos there comply with US law.

Apparently, the line between fantasy and reality isn't so clear anymore. And I think I know why. It has to do with a phrase you may have last heard in English class, "suspension of disbelief."

For thousands of years, storytellers have created fictional worlds, which we enter through our willingness to suspend our disbelief. This is a uniquely human sort of thing, a psychological and emotional contract that allows us to spend several hours caring about characters and events that aren't real.

The contract works beautifully as long as there is a creator who does the creating and a reader or viewer who does the suspending of disbelief. But digital worlds such as SL have made us all creators and suspenders simultaneously. And that changes everything by creating a fictional world with two key characteristics of the real world.

One is randomness. We can't control everything that happens to our character. And the other is time. Traditional fictional forms have a built-in escape hatch: the final curtain or the words, "The End." But the digital fictional world of SL, like real life, is 24/7. Maybe if you suspend your disbelief for too long, it's difficult to return to disbelief. Maybe at that point, suspension of disbelief + time = reality.

Studies show that a similar thing happens to kids when they watch too much violence on TV. It's not necessarily that the violence causes them to be more violent. It's that it causes them to lose the line between reality and fantasy. So they might pull a real trigger not expecting real results. In essence, their mechanism for suspending disbelief is stuck in the "on" position.

One of the hallmarks of fiction is the quest for justice. And so I hope justice is done to the SL avatar if he did, indeed, commit a rape. The solution will no doubt require police investigators, lawyers, and judges. As long as they're avatars, all will be well. In fact, this gives all those would-be cops and lawyers out there an opportunity to be what they always wanted to be. It gives them a second chance – and a second life.

Texas arrests seven MySpace sex offenders

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:22:18 GMT

Just weeks after social network MySpace asked for advice on how to legally hand over information about sex offenders using its pages, law enforcement authorities have started to make arrests.

In Texas, a total of seven convicted sex offenders have been taken into custody. Six were registered sex offenders, arrested for parole violation. All six had MySpace profiles, despite the terms of their probation barring them from using the internet.

A seventh man was arrested for failing to register as an offender after his profile turned up on the social networking site.

None of the six men arrested has been charged with any new sexual offences, but between them have convictions ranging from aggravated sexual assault, to molestation of a child, and indecency with a child by exposure. The youngest victim was just four.

The Texas attorney general issued a press release giving details of the arrests.

"Texans will not tolerate criminals who prey on our children," Attorney General Abbott said in the announcement. "These convicted sex predators established online identities on a website that is popular with teenagers and children. The Cyber Crimes Unit will continue its aggressive crackdown on sex predators who threaten our kids."

Allison Stokke Newport Harbor pole vaulter

Wed, 16 May 2007 14:53:30 GMT

For those few seconds she's in the air, the world that spins hundreds of miles per hour seems to go in slow motion.

It's the best feeling, said Newport Harbor junior Allison Stokke, who doesn't get to savor those moments often.

When she does, however, it's a feeling unmatched by any other sport she can think of, making it easy to solely focus on pole vaulting with the Sailors' track and field team.

The week after winning the Sea View League championship last season, Stokke broke her right leg on the cement box where she plants the pole.

She hopes to get back in championship form, perhaps breaking her personal record of 13feet, 3/4of an inch she set a year ago today at the Surf City Invitational at Huntington Beach. Stokke said it's always a goal to break a record, and she'll get that chance today at the same invitational.

She recently took time to speak with the Register's Miguel A. Melendez to talk about how she got involved with the sport that takes her high in the air.

Question: So how did you end up in this sport?

Answer:I did gymnastics for about nine or 10 years, so when I decided it wasn't for me anymore, one of my friends had just started pole vaulting so I decided to go with her.

Q: Are there any other sports you'd like to participate in?

A: Right now, pole vaulting is my only focus.

Q: What other sports grab your attention?

A: I actually think it would be really interesting to try rock climbing, indoors and outdoors.

Q: How do you prepare or practice for pole vaulting?

A: I do sprints for speed several days a week. I also weight train and do plyometrics for the power. For the technique and timing, I sometimes go back to a gymnastics gym and do several drills that apply to pole vaulting. Then, of course, I do the actual pole vaulting several days a week.

Q: How has pole vaulting benefited your life?

A: Through pole vaulting I've met so many people, close to home and across the country. They have taught me so many things, and I have had so many exciting experiences from the places I have visited and competed in. These people and experiences are things that will always stay with me.

Q: How are pole vaulting and gymnastics similar?

A: When I first started jumping, I was still in gymnastics, so it was almost just like learning a new series on the beam or a new tumbling pass on the floor. It was thrilling, but I knew I had control of my body because of all the gymnastics training.

Q: What goes through your mind when you're in the air?

A: When I'm high up in the air, time usually goes so fast that there's really no time to think about what's going on in my mind other than what my coach has been telling me to do. Sometimes, though, I'll have that one jump where I know I've done everything right and it's such a thrill. Everything seems to go in slow motion. That's the best feeling.

Q: Is pole vaulting something you'll pursue in college?

A: Yes, I definitely want to pursue pole vaulting in college because if I've worked this hard already, there's no reason not to see it through until I see how far I can go. I know I'll always have the people and experiences to keep me in it, too.

Q: What do you plan on doing after high school?

A: I hope to be graduating from college and going on to a graduate school of some sort.

Q: What do you enjoy doing outside the sport and school?

A: I like going to the beach, meeting with friends, going to Starbucks and going to concerts.

High School Pole Vaulter an Internet Sensation Allison Stokke

Wed, 16 May 2007 14:47:20 GMT

Yesterday I noted approvingly that swimmer Amanda Beard is posing for Playboy. So you might think I'd also approve of the way pole vaulter Allison Stokke has become an internet sensation because of her good looks.

Well, I don't. Take a look at this YouTube interview of Stokke (which has been viewed nearly 30,000 times) and you'll see why:

One difference between Stokke and Beard is obvious: Stokke is still in high school while Beard is a grown woman.

The other difference between Stokke and Beard is that Beard has accomplished what she set out to do in her athletic career and is now choosing to pursue a career in modeling. Stokke shows in the interview that she's serious about her sport and wants to focus on that, and she's had internet stardom thrust upon her. If, some day, Stokke chooses to pose for Playboy, fine. But right now, it's a little creepy that a young woman who's still in high school is garnering this kind of attention.

A great prank to pull on an acquaintance with a Chinese tattoo - The Chinese Tattoo Prankette

Wed, 16 May 2007 00:19:32 GMT

I get easily bored at work. One of the ways I amuse myself is by playing little tricks on my co-workers. The more elaborate the prank, the longer I'm able to remain amused, so I have no qualms about going to extraordinary lengths for a gag with the most minimal payoff. The punch line is not the point; it's the journey there that keeps me going.

My most recent scheme involved tattoos. I noticed how many people were getting tattoos of Chinese characters, and wondered why Americans of European descent think there is some special magical property to all things Asian. Buddhism, acupuncture, kung fu, feng shui: if this crap originated in Germany, no one would care.

So I got an idea. I started by talking to the delivery guy from the Chinese take-out near my office. I made up a few fake Chinese phrases from words I saw in a Chinese newspaper, and started throwing them out at him. Now, I have no idea how to speak Chinese. I couldn't figure out how to pronounce the stuff I had, or how to make sentences out of it, or what dialect it was, but none of that really mattered. What mattered was having the proper Charlie Chan accent and loud, confident delivery.

"Wan shang an!" I'd shout out when he came in. "Hao chi bao fan jin wan?"

The guy would respond, sometimes in English, I think, but no one can understand him, so sometimes I think he responded in Chinese. Once I think he said, "Crazy," in English, but I can't really be sure.

"Song bie!" I called out as he left. And he never failed to wave.

Naturally, some of the people who work for me asked if I knew how to speak Chinese. "Not really," was my response.

Anyway, we're in the middle of the busiest time of the year at work, and we have about 100 temps working for us. It is out of this group that I pick my mark: a young woman, probably 20 or so, and very pretty, in a kind of higher-class New Jersey trailer-park way. Sort of a skinnier, dirty-blonde version of Jessica Alba. She has a little haze of pot smoke around her, and a Chinese character tattooed on her bicep.

(Note: not really her. This is Mel C., a.k.a. Sporty Spice!)

She's working in our bindery, and the first copy of every job off the binding line has to come to my desk for approval. Eventually everyone has to come in here. Finally, my victim arrives.

"Hao dan!" I start.

"Huhnwha?" she replies.

"Wu zhuang diao?"

"Are you talking to me?"

"Mei yu sheng han?"

She stands there, looking confused.

"You don't speak Chinese?" I ask.

"No, why?"

"Well, I saw the tattoo, and I thought you must."

"No."

So I launch into the questions: what made her decide on a Chinese symbol, who was the artist, were they Chinese, everything except what the symbol stood for. She stammers through the answers, which boil down to no real reason for the Chinese, no real interest in Asian culture or language, just got the tat from some white American dude in a shop in Sayerville. Then she launches into an explanation of what it means: inner peace or some nonsense.

"No," I tell her, "it says 'hao fu,' which means bean curd."

"What?"

"Bean curd. You know, like tofu. Kind of sounds like tofu -– hao fu, tofu, tofu, hao fu. Pleased to meet you!"

"There's no way," she says, "it means inner peace."

"Did you bring the art to him, or did you pick it from a book at his shop?"

"He had a bunch of them on the wall."

"Well, I think the guy is having you on," I tell her. "He probably copied a bunch of symbols from a take-out menu and hung them up on the wall."

"I don't believe it," she says.

"Well, believe what you want, but I spent six years in mainland China teaching English when I first got out of college, and I picked up a little bit of Mandarin while I was there."

"Oh, shit."

"Here, don't believe me, let's look at a menu." I lift up the blotter on my desk, and underneath it is a utili-jac (kind of a glassine envelope) filled with take-out menus. About halfway through the stack is one from The Great Wall.

"Here it is, vegetarian meals, bean curd, HAO FU!" I hold out the menu, and there, in black and white, is the exact symbol she has on her arm (well, pretty close).

(Note: not the actual menu.)

Now, you don't have to be trained as a graphic artist, or working for a company on the cutting edge of printing technology, to be able to scan and doctor a take-out menu. But if someone you know is, you might want to be a little wary of any printed documents they show you as proof of something.

"Oh, shit."

"Look," I tell her, sympathetically, "it's not as if anyone will know. Outside of actual Chinese people. And it could still mean the same thing to you that it always did. Wow! I better get back to work. And you better get that sign-off book back out to your operator."

As she left the room, I called out cheerily, "Song bie!"

I looked back and everyone in the room was looking at me, silent.

"You guys think she bought it?" I asked.

"Shit," said my assistant, Sam, "I bought it."

General hilarity ensued, and many congratulations, and much admiration of my mad, leet graphix skillz, and passing around of the phony menu. Only Roberta, one of my project managers, was unimpressed. She thought it was mean. And started making me feel guilty. So I went out to the bindery to 'fess up and apologize.

The poor girl was sitting in a chair, surrounded by four or five of her co-workers, crying hysterically. She started threatening to drive down to Sayerville and stab the tattoo artist, or to just slice the tat off herself. The permanent staff in the bindery had agreed that I was probably fluent in Chinese. It took me nearly three quarters of an hour to convince her that the whole thing was a joke. I had to take her back in the office and show her the original menu, and the doctored version on my computer, and finally to call my mother on the phone and have her verify that I had never been to China.

So the joy of my successful prank has been pretty well dulled, and I'll probably be facing disciplinary action for this, but at least I got an article out of it.

Do you play runescape?

Sat, 12 May 2007 15:32:54 GMT

a massive online adventure?

Reports Name Amy Winehouse As Next 'Bond' Girl

Sat, 12 May 2007 10:42:02 GMT

British singer Amy Winehouse will reportedly get up close and personal with hunky actor Daniel Craig in the next installment of the James Bond movie series. Bond producer Barbara Broccoli has offered Winehouse a part in the Casino Royale sequel after falling in love with the Rehab star's hit album Back to Black.

A source tells British newspaper News Of The World, "She's perfect for the role because she's the embodiment of the retro glamor of the original movies."

The latest film in the superspy franchise is set for release next year.

Riots in France following election results, Tear Gas Fired Into Crowds

Sun, 06 May 2007 16:06:28 GMT

Riot police in Paris fired tear gas into crowds which gathered after Nicolas Sarkozy's presidential election victory.

The disturbances happened at the Place de la Bastille, a popular hub for demonstrations and strikes.

Thousands of police have been deployed in the capital and its suburbs.

Railway stations are also under high surveillance in case gangs of youths travel to disrupt victory festivities.

The trouble followed news that Sarkozy - a right-wing Conservative - is thought to have beaten socialist Segolene Royal by six points to replace Jacques Chirac.

Sarkozy - who in his victory speech vowed to represent all of France - said: "The French people have chosen change.

"They have decided to break with the ideas and habits of the past. I will rehabilitate work, authority, morality, respect, merit.

"I will restore honour to the nation and national identity - I will bring French pride back to the French people."
Police fire tear gas at stone-throwing crowds
Police fire tear gas at stone-throwing crowds

In a second speech to massed crowds, he said: "France has given me everything and the time has come for me to give back everything it has given."

Sarkozy, who has promised 100 days of action when he takes control, added that America could "count on our friendship" but that it must take the lead on climate change.

Initial exit polls revealed the reform-minded victor won 53% of the vote. Although unofficial, the exit polls are usually accurate.

Ms Royal, addressing her faithful supporters in Paris after conceding defeat, said she had given "all her strength" during the campaign.

She added: "I would like to thank the 17 million people who voted for me and I express disappointment but I would like to say to them that something has been started that will not stop."
Sarkozy and Segolene Royal
Sarkozy and Segolene Royal

Sky's Foreign Affairs editor, Tim Marshall, said Sarkozy is known as 'Thatcher with trousers', after former UK prime minister Margaret Thatcher.

He added: "He'll think he's got a mandate to change this country."

Voter turnout was 85%, the highest level in 33 years.

Mr Sarkozy, 52, the son of a Hungarian immigrant who heads the ruling Union for a Popular Movement, was seen as the clear frontrunner.

The latter stages of the campaign had been marked by a bitter war of words between the two.

On Friday, Ms Royal - who would have been the country's first woman president - warned of "violence and brutalities triggered across the country" if he wins.

She was highlighting fears that a victory by him could spark unrest in the poor high-immigration neighbourhoods that were the scene of riots in 2005.

Mr Sarkozy, who was Interior Minister at the time, is a hate figure for many young people of black and Arab origin.

He has also been vilified as a hard-right authoritarian by many on the left.

Floyd Mayweather Jr. earned a 12-round split decision to beat Oscar De La Hoya

Sun, 06 May 2007 09:30:55 GMT

Floyd Mayweather Jr. earned a 12-round split decision to beat Oscar De La Hoya for the WBC super welterweight title Saturday night.

Mayweather earned a 116-112 victory on the card of Chuck Giampa and 115-113 from judge Jerry Roth. Tom Kaczmarek scored it 115-113 in favor of De La Hoya.

After the bout, the 30-year-old Mayweather said he was sticking to his plan to retire. The bout capped off an incredible build up to the fight known as "The World Awaits" which matched two of the best in the boxing world at the 154- pound weight class.

Neither fighter seemed in danger of being knocked down the entire fight, and it seemed De La Hoya's downfall was him not landing enough jabs.

Mayweather, considered the best fighter pound-for-pound in the world, moved up in weight to challenge De La Hoya for the title, battling at the 154-pound weight for the first time in his career.

Mayweather adorned a Mexican robe and a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo with rapper 50 Cent at his side rapping as they approached the ring. De La Hoya chose a more conventional walk to the ring, wearing a red robe.

Although the crowd favored De La Hoya, the defending champion, the 34-year-old had trouble at times matching the speed of his younger opponent.

Why Women Love Spider-Man

Fri, 04 May 2007 14:05:17 GMT

1. He swings through the air on nigh-unbreakable strings of awesome.

All women that aren’t lesbian bull-dykes have the desire to be thrown over a shoulder, carried, tossed, swung, cradled, and thrown about. That’s pretty much how Spider-Man would take you out. Girls love to scream for no reason, and when better to scream for no reason then when you’re being tossed a hundred yards at a time through the air by a masked man with the powers of a spider?

2. He’s safe, but he also makes a woman feel dangerous.

Women love a man that’ll take care of them, but if they feel too safe, they get bored. Women feel the need to be in danger sometimes, but rather than just acknowledging the danger of driving 100mph the wrong way down a one-way street while talking on a cell phone, they prefer to date jerks that’ll probably cheat on them. But Spider-Man is the perfect solution to the danger equation. She’s dating Spider-Man… she could be kidnapped at any time and held for ransom by The Green Goblin. That’s about as dangerous as you can get… I mean, look at Gwen Stacy.

But most of the time, he saves the girl. Most of the time, if she gets thrown off a bridge, he’ll arrive in time to swoop in and save the woman’s dumb ass AND have time to save a trolley full of nuns and school children. And he’s a superhero, so if he cheats on her, some paparazzi will find out and JJJ will make sure that everyone knows.

3. He’s got that hot athletic build, instead of the big huge muscle-bound look.

Women are whores for muscles. They like them any way they can get them. But it is practically a scientifically proven fact that they love the lean build of an Abercrombie model rather than the huge bulk of Mr. Universe. When was the last time you heard of a girl creaming herself over Stone Cold Steve Austin instead of the lean, flexible body of Orlando Bloom? I’m not going to wiki-link that article because if you don’t know who Orlando Bloom is you obviously haven’t been hitting on enough 15 year old girls lately. I’m sorry, steroid users, but you’ve lost. Maybe you should comfort yourself with a warm cup of your tiny testicles.

4. The upside down kiss.

Sometimes kissing right-side-up isn’t enough for a woman. Sometimes you need to hang upside down and lock lips. It helps if you wear a mask and are suspended by your super-human strength and your web-shooters, but the principle is the same. Also, if you’re going to attempt this, you should be able to break off the kiss quickly and swing away dramatically, as kissing upside down is actually not all that much fun and a lot of work. You need to be able to dash off into the night before she realizes that the kiss wasn’t all that good and the dream dies.

5. He’s like a policeman, firefighter, soldier, and secret agent all rolled into one.

Women love a man in uniform. Women love a man who’s only sometimes in uniform even more. Women love men who are sometimes in uniform and whose job it is to kick ass and save people and run into burning buildings. Women also love secrets. Spider-Man is all of this, plus he can lift a bus over his head, and he hangs out with Wolverine. Yes, soldiers fight in the sand, and policemen fight criminals, and firefighters fight fires, but Spider-Man secretly fights a man made out of sand who is a criminal (and he was probably on fire or caused a fire at some point).

Spider-Man is all these things, plus he’s a nice guy. I mean, you’d think fighting crime for free, having your loved ones tossed off tall buildings every week, and having the public hate you (aside from the women) would kind of wear on a guy, but Spider-Man persists. He’s pretty spectacular that way. He’s got enough going for him that women don’t even care that he’s poor as dirt. He doesn’t even own a car, unless you count the Amazing Spider Car.

So, now you know the answer to why women love Spider-Man. However, don’t be too ambitious and start letting radioactive spiders bite you, as you’re more likely to get cancer and die than receive strength proportional to a spider. Also, the cool organic webbing (and come on, you’re not smart enough to program a VCR clock, much less make a web-shooter in your spare time on the budget available to you as the assistant manager at Kinko’s) probably won’t show up somewhere as convenient as your wrist, it would probably (as many online webcomics have mentioned before) shoot out your ass. However, that would make swinging from building to building a hell of a lot more impressive.

Miley Cyrus Official Site

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 18:25:34 GMT