He needs to decide if he wants to be with his wife or not, and either work with her or dissolve their marriage *completely * before even considering moving on to something new with someone else. And quite frankly you should demand he be man enough to resolve his situation and make himself available to you totally and freely, or not at all.
The idea of meeting the person you want to be with and NOT leaving to be with them would probably be a pretty rare occurrence!
Based on what you’ve written, it appears you are in another country which probably frowns on divorce (but please correct me if I am mistaken).

If he is having overly explicit conversations about WANTING to sleep with someone besides his wife, he’s probably a cheater. Leaving his wife after 20+ years and all the baggage that brings, along with whatever cultural baggage comes along with it, too is almost certain to ruin your new romance. If he *wants * to be with someone else, or even is actively planning to LEAVE FIRST and then be with someone else, then no none of that is cheating.
If he is neglecting his obligations to his wife in favor of giving affection to another woman, then yes that is cheating.

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