Like the song goes, breaking up is hard to do, and in some ways it can be even tougher when you are in a long distance relationship. Step 4Speak directly and clearly to the person about how you feel and why you want to end the relationship. No matter how nervous you are to end the relationship, remember the healing process will be easier since the person doesn't live anywhere near you. Based in Los Angeles, Zora Hughes has been writing travel, parenting, cooking and relationship articles since 2010.
If the person you’re breaking up with feels he has no voice in the matter, that feeling of powerlessness can lead to depression, warns clinical psychologist Susan Heitler in her article "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, So Here's a Six-Step How-To" for "Psychology Today." Instead, give your ex the chance to offer feedback and ask questions. If possible, end your conversation by acknowledging the positives of the former relationship. For most of human history, long-distance relationships have been impossible to sustain due to travel reasons alone.
If your long distance relationship is spanning multiple time zones, things are going to get tougher.
If you want to get a sense of how much this matters, try showing up to your next dinner engagement three hours late (or more if your partner is on another continent). The catch 22 is that depending on where you're at in a relationship, talking about plans to move to be together may be premature and put unnecessary pressure on you both. If you can't make plans to pick up and move across the state or country just yet, at least plan your next meetup before the current one ends.
When I got started in my first major long-distance relationship, I had the good fortune to have a friend tell me something that helped frame most of our issues in the right light. If your relationship begins locally and then moves to long-distance, it might be easier to get an idea of what you're reaching towards. Like I said at the beginning of this piece, I can't tell you how to have a perfect or perpetually happy relationship. If you are undecided, make a list of positives and negatives: reasons to stay in the relationship, and reasons to leave it.
If you are tired of the distance, but you still love your partner, consider talking to him or her about the future. If your confidante has experienced a long-distance break-up themselves, it may benefit you to ask for their advice. If you cheat on a long-distance partner and they find out, they may be more likely to take the initiative and break up with you. The troubles of everyday relationship life may fade into the background of a vacation, and you may find it more difficult to initiate the break-up. Whether it is the distance that has caused the two of you to drift apart, or you simply don't reciprocate the same feelings, it is important not to let things drag on, letting the situation get even worse. Make sure you understand why you want to end the relationship, such as not feeling the same way for the person any longer or not seeing a future with the person.


Since you are long distance, it is not likely you will be able to break up in person, which is generally the best way to do it, according to psychotherapist and relationship counselor Robin Bowen Siebold. However, whether the decision to split was spurred by cheating or simple incompatibility, you would be doing yourself and your partner an injustice by trying to keep an unhealthy and unhappy relationship together.
For example, rather than assigning blame, just give your reasons for why you want to end the relationship. Try to understand his reaction, even if it doesn't change your decision, and clarify any of his uncertainties about why you are ending things. For example, you might want to describe how she changed you for the better, or let her know the ways in which she added to your life. The internet age has made it much more feasible, but as I found out with my girlfriend, romance and relationships are a different beast when thousands of miles separate you.
My girlfriend and I are on our second try now after the intial attempt at long-distance went awry. Most people will tell you that spending time together is key to keeping a relationship alive. Relationships are built on shared experiences, which are tough enough when you're separated by a hundred miles.
While the warning may not be universally accurate, the truth is, when you're in a long-distance relationship, you make a lot of promises. Whether you cannot handle being far away from someone that you love, or you feel trapped in a long-distance relationship with someone that you don't love, it is easy to put off a break-up and let your feelings fester. Ask yourself why you want to break up with this person, and identify all of the things that make you unhappy in the relationship.
Consider the weight of each point; one very powerful negative may negate a long list of positive aspects.
If you need to bounce your thoughts off of someone, but you aren't ready to speak with your significant other about the problems in your relationship, consider seeking the advice of a close friend, family member, or counselor. If you begin to disconnect from your long-distance partner, and you like it, it may be the right choice for you.
You may find that taking these steps actually gives you room to breathe in the relationship.
If you've agreed upon an exclusive relationship, but you want to see other people, it may be best to break up with your partner before you move on in a romantic sense.
However, the process may be exponentially more painful, and you will only prolong the situation. It's generally best to break up in person, if you can, so that your partner can get the closure that he or she needs.[2] Show respect for the time and energy that you have both poured into this relationship. Be aware that he or she may not find peace immediately, depending on how emotionally invested he or she is in the relationship. If you have been having trouble in your relationship for a while, he or she may even expect it.


If you can maintain clear boundaries, feel free to do so--but be careful of letting a relationship linger on.
If you fall back into your old relationship patterns for in-person communication, you may give your ex the wrong idea. If you begin to reconsider the relationship and grow wistful for the past, you can read over this list and renew your purpose.
If you no longer feel the relationship is worth the extra effort a long distance connection takes, you need to end the relationship politely, but clearly.
When ending a long-distance relationship, there are certain precautions you need to keep in mind if you want to minimize the negative feelings that might follow. Eliminate the possible misconception that nothing good came from the relationship and that you both wasted your time. Since this was a long-distance relationship, you don't have to worry about running into your ex around town or within your close circle of friends. It's so easy for us to picture how perfect things will be and then discover that life is more complicated. Consider whether you can change any of these things, or whether they are simply immutable side-effects of a long-distance relationship.
Explain that the break-up is about you and your inability to stay emotionally invested in this relationship.
If you've been with someone for a long time, it may seem callous and anti-climactic to break up over text.
Heitler suggests telling the person you understand if he feels shocked or upset, but restate your position and end the call or video session with kind words, wishing him well. The first attempt didn't end well, but after learning several important lessons, we managed to move into a normal, ridiculous, local relationship. However, if your primary method of communication is via IM or text message, you can do exactly this without ever realizing it. It takes a lot of work and not everyone will pull it off, but it is possible that you can get out of the long-distance situation and have a regular, chaotic, messy local relationship just like everyone else.
I won't be able to tell you how to be happy forever or find the secret to a 50-year marriage. I'm currently very happy with my girlfriend that began as a long-distance relationship, despite some initial rockiness. However, you can never fully change the fact that when your partner is out having fun and you're home alone, it will almost always feel just a little bit like rejection.
This is one way that long distance relationships don't differ much from short-distance ones, but it takes extra effort to reach the baseline, so it can't be neglected.



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