This is the day I have set aside to explore my close surroundings before I head out on my Maui adventure activities for the next seven days.
As I allow the disappointment to get as big and painful as it needs too, something happens that has happened many times in my life during difficult experiences. During a recent trip to Maui, I rediscovered that beautiful child in the eyes of the aging woman I’ve become. For many years, I searched to be a better person, to become wiser, and to learn how to live a full and productive life, and to be admired. Patience has been my work this year and I’ve learned much about the difference between tolerance and patience. The voting was heavy and because most of us know each other in some way, our politics are often known. As Zach’s son-in-law returned to the inside of the voting precinct to witness the casting of Zach’s vote, he said two simple words: Thank you. Later heading home, fatigue turned to laughter and memory recorded these shared emotional experiences of inspiration.
The written word has often been the way spiritual messages have been received during my Life. The human survival instinct supports us in seeing what is there that needs to change or is threatening to us. Sometimes an old message said in a simple direct way can change the Life of the one who truly hears it. Since that time, I have written of the learning that came from my choice and consequently his choices. As I was leaving the workshop, a young woman came up to me and asked me to share what meditation had meant in my life. Michael Singer wrote a book called The Untethered Soul, and it speaks of the way to let the personality desires play out while the Seer of what is transpiring watches without judging or clinging to an outcome. It has been some seventy-two hours since I began this essay and then stopped writing because I realized I was living in a huge story and could not write authentically from that place.
During the last few weeks, I have begun to feel that my time here in this small community is limited. The rock in the creek feels cold against my warm skin in contrast to bike riding on this hot day.
When he turns, his familiar face and eyes are beaming toward me as he explains that he is looking for the rock we used in meditation the last time we visited the creek. His love for me is visible in the steady gaze of his eyes, and it both comforts and frightens me.
It is late evening and Mark Nepo’s words speak to me; his writings have been an inspiration in many ways during the past few months.
At first, the feeling is a bit overwhelming and tears flow as I remember Nepo’s request to include looking at the lighted candle as part of my meditation. It is good to remember the joy of him running across the yard, small frog in hand and joy in his face, panting as he recalls how challenging it was for him to catch it. He made the team, got a new girlfriend, went off to college, had much success, and oh so many friends.
May the light in the eyes of our children remind us of the light that is possible in our own. Mark Nepo is my author of choice the last few days, and his writing speaks to me in the silence of my being and I am changed by what I hear.
Recently I’ve been seeing growing older as a limitation; an ache here, a gray hair there, a bit of fatigue at the end of the day, a need for a short rest more often, a wrinkle on the back of my hand, a need for glasses more often.
As the mother, the blind child’s face filled with wonder inspires me to see more clearly through her blindness. As the cherry blossom, I stand in the glow of the sun knowing that I add beauty and wonder to the earth and to its inhabitants.
Mark Nepo in his book, The Awakening, asked the questions: How am I different from others and how am I the same. In this silence, the wisdom of Lamott’s quote is known somewhere deep in the part of me that I share with all others. Each of us experiences death of our physical body, each of us grows physically from birth to death, each of us is capable of thought, each of us experiences the pain of physical life and the joys.
I believe deep in our core of being, we are each a small piece of the Universe, and we have manifested into this unique physical form equipped with the tools and a gift we need to create our healing part of the collective. As I began to ride the bike, it seemed a bit big for my frame and often my back hurt after riding a long distance, so I chose to buy a new girl’s bike. On the ride back to the trailhead, my friend and I rode together; I shared that the bike had belonged to my son and he was the first to ride it besides me. A limiting belief—just as it sounds—is having a thought about the past, present, or future that keeps you from seeing what is true in the moment you are living right now.
Equality is a slippery word in our culture and the term is often used to compare one thing, one thought, one person, and one event to another.
Observation of the equality of light and dark during this Fall Equinox reminds me that deep equality means no judgment or comparisons are needed. During the past few weeks, I’ve spent time at the Wintergreen Nature Foundation as a volunteer. One particular Saturday, a call came that a baby rabbit had been very still in the garden for a long time and appeared injured. A few days later, I was the human contemplating the impermanence in nature and wondering what to do.
Recently I met my daughter and her family to fulfill her wish to visit the two homes where she had been a baby. As I approached the door, I remembered my husband carrying me across the threshold; I remembered bringing my son and daughter home to the loving arms of an extended family that had arrived to celebrate their coming into Life. Unbelievably, the man and woman that had bought the house from us still lived there, and it felt wonderful that they had continued to add their love of the house to ours. It was a balmy late spring day and the hydrangeas were in full bloom and served as a backdrop as we drank smoothies, ate rice chips and salsa, and enjoyed a glass of wine on my screened porch. We shared how important it is to avoid fearful story-telling about what is happening and to simply deal with what is happening right now in the present moment.
My friend is out of town and some part of me is pleased by the freedom that gives to me and I have an authentic knowing that he is doing what enriches his life. From some people the question triggers a feeling of annoyance within me, and I sometimes give them an answer like, “nothing special just the usual things or there’s always plenty to do.” It is more avoidance of responding from annoyance than an answer. As I examined my feelings during these different experiences, I discovered the part of me that wants to be what the other person perceives me to be, a busy, active, interesting person. This morning I awaken to the gentle sound of rain, and I snuggle down into the night’s accumulated warmth under my blankets.
Again no thoughts come, just an incredible presence and knowing that in each moment there is beauty and nurturing for the soul for the taking. The physical discomfort is in my second energy center, which I understand to be the energy center of creativity and belonging, and it is sending me a message. A few days ago, Eckhart Tolle’s book, called The New Earth, was mentioned in a conversation with a friend, and I had a knowing that I wanted to reread it.
In that moment, I began to look at my choices during the past few months and the intentions behind them. In that moment, I chose to look into his clear blue eyes and said, “Hi.” He didn’t look at me, but his eyes were alive with the joy and pure light of the incredible sun that rose through the window of the elevator. In gratitude, I left the elevator carrying the gift of pure light that had come to me from the sun through a young man that reflected it. Yesterday nature spoke to me through the visual image of a heart; it supported me in examining my own. The fast moving falls as it entered the pool of water surrounded by ice at its base had created the shape of a large and pulsing heart.
Many emotions were resident in my body; the state of love and the state of fear fought for domination.
Living without attachment and an open heart creates vulnerability, and it is sometimes difficult to do from the shadows of past experiences.
He did not have children of his own, but his extended family was more connected to him than many parents are to their own children.
It is a dark starless night, the rain slashes against the window, the winds howl with 50 miles an hour gusts.
It is morning, a light rain continues, the winds are not as strong and yet the bamboo grove sways and sweeps the ground.
The week continued to have some misadventures and some spectacular adventures and the courageous and joyous parts of me lived them fully. So as this year ends, the compassionate patience I feel for myself fills my heart and it is soft with love; a love that has always been close at hand and seemingly just out of my reach.
The voters are old friends, new friends, community workers, casual acquaintances, and families coming together to express their preferences through voting. As the voting lines formed for this election, we stood together only as neighbors—rich and not so rich, young and not so young, extraverted and not so extraverted, highly educated and not so highly educated, multi-raced, blue voters and red voters—without malice or ill intent. He looked concerned and said to me, My father-in-law is out in my truck; he is 85 and he’s had a medical procedure today and we’ve been with the doctors. The need for control is strong so supporting someone else’s ideas or interests each moment seems difficult at times.
This one has certainly changed the content of my last two days, and the intention to expand the experiment is exciting and feels like a spiritual loving act. As I sat on my deck looking out over the city, the leaves of fall were turning the world into bright hues of red, orange, and brown. I felt reluctant, but I had had some physical limitations during the last year that had been difficult to accept and meditation had really supported my healing. Mostly it happens when a small activity of the day seems more difficult than I judge it should be. Without being sure of outcomes or things unseen, this is my opportunity to act without attachment and with the joy of what I will learn from the experiences my actions create.
The withdrawal I needed and the healing it has brought to me has completed this phase of my life.
The need for expansion comes from an internal voice that says explore, experiment, and do not become complacent.
When the time and move is right, something within my spirit will say, “Get crackin.” The patience to wait for that insight has come as a part of the growth I’ve found in this small blue house on top of a hill surrounded by mountains. He agreed to run away for a day to escape the heat and discomfort brought on by a loss of electrical power in our homes even though his electricity had returned.
He wanted to have the biggest paper route and he wanted to make the most sales at his part-time job. Academics didn’t seem to be his focus, but he seemed to relish his relationships and became the life of the party and the favorite student to his teachers.
Now his spirit of aliveness lives in me and the memory of his voice reminds me that Life in this physical realm is short and that what we create here lives forever within those we have truly touched. Today in the quietness that is The Wintergreen Nature Foundation on some Wednesday mornings, my clarity about what I was to learn came.
His voice stills my mind, brings me to the present, and opens my heart to listen not to the words but to the message his words point too. What I’ve noticed is that they look more closely, eat more slowly, move more deliberately, and listen intently to others.
A young blind child’s face radiates the sun in his eyes as he turns his face up to feel the warmth. Then he issued an invitation to sit in silence with eyes closed and contemplate these questions.
We are here together at this time, in this place, and in this specific body to understand that the essence of all Life exists in each of us humans and in all living matter. If we examined each Life, it would not be what happens to us that would be different for pain and joy comes to everyone; it would be how we respond to what happens to us that has created our unique experience of our individual Life. Another woman loses a child and creates a charity in its name and supports the lives of many children. To live well is to choose to grow into what we are most capable of being and be grateful for the uniqueness of the Life.
I am a personality in a physical body with the power of logic and thought as is everyone else. Two years ago it was refurbished with new tires, new horns on the handlebars, and had been given a good checkup so it could be used for riding with my new bike group. Without hesitation, I offered the unused bike in the garage, and I felt my heart open to the possibility that the bike would finally be used.
They were planted by the property owner in the early 1900s and seem to be a symbol of welcome outside the front door of an ancient majestic medieval stone castle. To quote Wikipedia: …the Sun is at one of two opposite points on the celestial sphere where the celestial equator and ecliptic intersect. It is a deeper understanding that the Universal energy dynamic of which we are a part is without judgment.
If there is a value judgment placed by me on what I see, it is sure to mean that I do not see myself as equal—it could be a feeling of doing better or of a feeling of doing less, of being stronger or of being weaker, in control or not in control. It is summer and the calls to rescue injured or troubled animals and people come in quite often. The caller stated that hawks were circling and it wouldn’t be long before the rabbit could not be saved. What happens are visions of past experiences, people, and places that are pictures in the mind’s album.
They had added gardens, doors, patios, waterfalls, fireplace, and fish—just to mention a few of their creations.
It is challenging to accurately describe a sacred moment and the power it contains, so I’ll start slowly from the beginning. I can feel within me the need to know who is the night raider and how can I change what is happening in order to have my world be as I choose it to be.
The birds are chirping in the trees, the squirrels are trying to get into the bird feeders, the breeze is moving the leaves, the raindrops are collecting on the deck, and the mountains stand observing it all. There is no thinking only comfort and presence; it is as if I am one with my feelings and it feels like what I believe peace to be.
As I began, I felt I was reading it for the friend to support him in his relationship with someone he loves; but as I began to read, I knew the book’s message would bring me the understanding of what I needed to know that I was resisting unconsciously. My intention is to have compassion for the part of me that feels I need all the answers to life’s questions now. I don’t know what it is I am not aware of in this moment, but I am fully aware that I am enjoying the quietness of it. The elevator door opened and a middle-aged woman entered pushing a teenage boy in a wheelchair. He wasn’t concerned that it was crowded or that too many obstacles were in the way of what he wanted.
I thought of future losses that could ultimately occur with the experiences of living fully. Freely I stooped to pick them up; they are reminders of my choice to fully live from the most loving place I can find within me in each moment.
There was nothing to say or do, but each of us had brought our energy to share in whatever way seemed appropriate to us. The Greek army pretended to sail away and left on the shore a huge, hollow wooden horse as an apparent victory gift.
The underworld has successfully dispatched many human targets by beautifully wrapping a bomb as a gift with an ornate bow and paper that explodes when opened.
And not wanting to be deprived of something so important, I began a very deep search into the controversial subject of tongues. I also recognize that even among charismatics there are vast differences of interpretation regarding the gift of tongues, so forgive me if I generalize at times. If we look at these three cases, we should find a clearer picture of this controversial gift. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. It was not a gift of hearing given to the listeners, but rather a gift of the Spirit given to enable the believers to speak (Acts 2:4). And they of the circumcision which believed were astonished, as many as came with Peter, because that on the Gentiles also was poured out the gift of the Holy Ghost. History also tells us that the servants in a Roman home could be from anywhere in the world. In other words, they spoke languages they had not formerly known in a way that could be understood. When the Holy Spirit came upon these 12 Ephesian men, Paul recognized that they were prophesying, or preaching, in new languages. The Corinthian church obviously had a specific, temporary problem because Paul's second letter to Corinth never even mentions tongues. Because the Corinthian church was a melting pot of many different nationalities, its services often became chaotic and confusing. But the Scriptures teach that some of the gifts are more important than others and that we should focus on the most important ones. They would have us think that a Christian who does not speak in tongues is a second-class citizen.
But these same preachers would have us believe that the fruit of the Spirit is tongues or that every person who is filled with the Holy Spirit will speak in tongues.
This modern manifestation of tongues finds its roots not in the Bible, but rather in ancient pagan spiritualistic rituals. The Indians would eat the hallucinogenic peyote, then sit in a circle and chant and pound drums for hours. Eventually some of the people would become possessed by their gods and begin speaking the eerie languages of the spirit world. Many of the African slaves who were brought to America and forced to accept Christianity were unable to read the Bible for themselves. The reason God gives us His Spirit is to restore in us His image-not to rob us of all dignity and self control!
I have spoken in tongues for years and know it is from God!" As Christians, we should never base our conclusions on how we feel. Revelation is telling us that in the last days, God's people are to be called out of Babylon and its confusing counterfeit religious systems. The disappointment is strong and yet I can take a small step toward the bathroom and get dressed. As I compared the pictures of me as a child and me as a grown woman, I finally could see my own beauty and it made me laugh with joy. As the New Year begins, my heart is open and I look forward to the experiences I will create. As a poll worker, the day was long, warm inside, cold outside, enjoyable, inspiring, and at times emotional. He is immobile at the moment and concerned because he has never missed an election since he began to vote. Sometimes it is before an experience and during the experience the words start ringing in my ears. As we began to practice creating scenes, it was immediately clear that it was easier for me to say “yes, but” and it was equally clear that doing so blocked the scene from expanding. The experiment itself has supported me in living more fully in the present, which is, of course, the only place we can live fully.


My heart seemed to stop breathing, my throat was tightly constricted, and the top of my head felt as if it would fly into the trees so great was the pressure. His choices were courageous; his experiences were dramatic examples of how to live and not to live for those who watched his progress. The deep longing for companionship thwarted by my fear of losing independence is simple but complex within my thoughts about what to allow and what not to allow into my world. I’ve been living at least for the past few day in a story of my own making about what others want me to do, how they want me to live, or what they need from me.
Recently a friend was talking about his experiences and how excited he was about his hopes and dreams for the future; I recognized them as both different and similar to my own. Last night as I looked around during a concert on the mountain, I saw the same people I see almost daily. There is a joyful feeling of contentment as the warm air circles close in and sweat runs down my back. He encourages me to ask myself how the things I’m seeing are different and how they are the same and listen to my heart speak. It is orange and it’s light is a lacy hue; two triangles extending from it’s center one reaches toward me and the other away from me. What an awesome experience to see the love of a husband and a father reflected in the toothless grin of a new life.
I cannot change it, but I can surrender to “what is” in each moment in order to respond from the healthiest part of me rather than to fearfully react.
The woman in a wheel chair demonstrates patience as she waits to enter through a revolving door.
I now move slowly enough in the morning to watch a cardinal land on the bird-feeder, my glasses magnify the beauty of the gifts that fill my home, my aches encourage me to stretch and care for my body and to find the wisdom to rest when rest is needed. As I carefully describe what I’m seeing, my gift to this unseeing child supports me being present enough to fully see it myself; and this level of awareness is the child’s gift to me. As the child, as the mother, or as the cherry blossom, my purpose is simply to live my best life and to grow. The manifestation of that essential Life we have brought into being takes many physical forms; all different, all unique.
All of these things have resulted in my becoming the “soul in a body” that I see in my mirror this morning.
If in this Life, we do not become conscious of the power of the collective Life of the Universe, we will be given another chance.
To make that possible, I pulled it out, pumped up the tires, admired it’s beauty, and my heart felt lighter. As we remounted and rode on, the bike was “just another bike” racing to the song of the fall breeze. Perhaps you look in the mirror and think that you are getting older and no longer beautiful; yes you are getting older, but aging has it’s own beauty. The ability to bring awareness to the harsh, dramatic, judgmental, and repetitive sounds within our minds contains the freedom we think is not open to us. These points of intersection are called equinoctial points: classically, the vernal point and the autumnal point. So to carry the “Point” into an individual Life, who could argue that pleasant (light) experiences are better or worse than difficult (dark) experiences since every experience has the potential for learning by the being that experiences it.
Like the similar times of day and night in this season, we are connected by individual and collective purposes with an equal opportunity to live our best lives. As I was hearing the story, it occurred to me that we saved the rabbit or deprived the hawk of its meal. It is a beautiful spot and it was early evening as the light played its songs upon the angles of the rocks and crevices as we watched. Today if someone walks along the same path we took, there will be no hint of what occurred between the snake and the frog.
Going back there did not necessarily appeal to me either since my relationship to my former husband and her Dad had become faded memories of love and pain. As often happens with this friend, the discussion turned to nature and bird songs in particular. I’m grateful for the awareness of this part of me that continues to need challenging if I am to be at peace with what is in this moment. That feels nurturing and I can feel my heart open as I consider the possibility that life is an illusion created by my thoughts, and I can choose which thoughts I will give my energy too.
For others, I just say something like, “planning a quiet day.” That answer feels authentic and supportive of the way I want to live my life.
Today I have set an intention to answer the question, what are you doing today, with authenticity no matter who is asking. As the morning unfolds, the feeling of hunger comes and without questioning it, I stretch, arise, and move to my robe.
Without thinking, there is a deep knowing that I am not a separate entity seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling this moment, but an integral part of it and without my energy and presence it would be different. She said that I was flexible in my hips and so compensated there for the lack of flexibility in the last vertebra of my back. I begin to remember the times in my life when I have felt emotional pain and have chosen to override it with thinking.
Also this week, I’ve felt the need to remain quiet while reflecting with more stillness than is my normal pattern. This morning I read Tolle’s words I needed to hear: If you are not in the state of either acceptance, enjoyment, or enthusiasm, look closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others. I will ask for guidance to accept what is happening in the moment without adding drama and fearful thoughts or intelligent explanations. I felt impatient with the loss of time and the people that swirled around in the garage seemingly in my way. He seemed challenged both mentally and physically, and my reaction was to look away so that his mom would not feel I was staring at the young boy.
He wasn’t complaining internally, he wasn’t judging others; he was without fear and was gazing in awe at the light. The courage to challenge my own fear in that moment had supported my own pure light and brought pure joy!
In the sunny light side of the heart pool, the water churned and danced, but in the shaded darker side of the heart pool, the water hardly moved at all.
One of these experiences was contained in the laughter of my friends as they sat along the mountain stream. The rooms overflowed with food and sunlight and sharing and something else I could not identify.
Today the devil is using a counterfeit gift of the Spirit -a pagan form of the gift of tongues- to gain access to the church of God and destroy it from within. And there appeared unto them cloven [divided] tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them.
God chose this timely opportunity to bestow this gift of tongues upon the disciples so they could preach to the visiting Jews in their native languages.
It is not called the gift of ears for the listeners, but the gift of tongues for the speakers. Because there were obvious language barriers at this meeting, Peter likely began to preach through an interpreter.
Most likely they spoke in languages common throughout the Roman Empire, since that would be practical for spreading the Gospel. Evidently some of the members would pray, testify, or preach in languages unknown to the others present. But Paul makes it clear that different gifts are given to different people, and no one is expected to have all the gifts.
Yet out of more than 50 examples in the Bible where God filled His people with the Spirit, only three times is tongues connected with the experience. I used to wonder why, if this was a message from God, wouldn't He give it to us in English the first time. Before long, several were spasmodically muttering as they experienced their tormenting visions.
See Acts 28:3-6.) For people to hunt down and pick up deadly snakes in order to prove that they have the Holy Spirit is, in reality, tempting God! The dominant, repetitious rhythms and syncopated beat disarm the higher reasoning powers and put the subconscious mind in a hypnotic state.
Some of these charismatic churches go so far as to say that the Bible is the old letter, and that messages which come through tongues are fresh revelations of the Spirit and therefore more dependable. There are some basic requirements for receiving this most precious gift of the Holy Spirit.
Outside the window, the lily pond beyond the deck is beautiful, the deck is wet and shiny, and the door slightly open lets in a pure and sweet freshness.
I can take a small step toward my car and drive the dirt road to the main road; and if the wind is too strong, I can return to this rugged North shore bamboo farm and make the best of it. As I gazed at the photo of the beautiful child holding the doll, I remembered that feeling of love; my heart was soft and full. The beauty had nothing to do with the physical features displayed in the photos; it was the radiance that traveled from my heart through my eyes and took in the world around them. I focused on these positives as we supported him in whatever healing was possible, and eventually, supported him as his alcohol-damaged body died. As she led us in meditation, I felt the deep pain of powerlessness again, and again I invited it to get as big as it could.
When I’m in that centered place what happens outside me is like a movie and I can watch my personality, the actor, think and plan and wish without attachment.
It is all a “Story” from the part of me that loves stories and the justification they give for me to be less than open and less than loving. I’ve come to look forward to their presence and the feeling of security and safety they trigger within me.
Change for many is difficult, but for me the newness of change is invigorating and stimulating. Expansion now calls and the excitement of just what that will entail lifts my energy and makes me want to sing. In my view as I watch the water run over the rocks, he stands with his back to me looking into the creek. We are many flames from the same candle, and yet, just one light; apart we are a flicker but together we make a luminous Life.
The memory fills my heart and I see a vision of him in a jaunty Easter hat and sports jacket toddling up the small hill in front of my house; two steps forward and one step back and finally falling and rolling to the bottom only to rise again and begin again with laughter and determination.
In those magical days, he marveled at the beauties of the life of which he found himself a part be they giant mountains, rock music, or the smallest of butterflies. In time he began to drink alcohol to lessen the pain of the world not always being as he wanted. It is my full responsibility to live with presence and courage and to grow into the person I am called to be. This act of responsible choice and the intent behind it becomes the vehicle of my creation and the consequence it brings.
They are aware that the opportunity to connect must be given their full attention and they have learned how to do that. The man whose taste and smell is not so acute takes two bites before he makes his choice of what to eat.
The veins and wrinkles on the back of my hand remind me that I’m dehydrated and need to drink more water today. I hear from her there are five petals close together in almost a circle; and where the petals attach in the middle of the cherry blossom, it is a deeper shade of pink that grows almost to white at the petals’ edges.
This delicate flower filled with color and shadow created by the warm and nurturing sun comes alive in my being and is energetically past to this curious and loving child.
My heart called me to the computer to put down my feelings, and I became distracted by email for a moment. The experiences were the same; the creation process of what remained in each of them became very different. For this Life, in this place, I have a knowing that the Life I have created has supported the Lives of others and me. The answer for me is in what I choose to give my attention and time too; with a conscious intention to live my life fully not someone else’s, just mine. He had bought the bike as transportation when he lost his driver’s license because of a drunk driving charge. Later we loaded the bike into his SUV, and I felt as feathery light as the evening air rushing across my skin. No memories flooded me for I was in the moment, and this moment was another level of healing I had not expected. You see a friend walking and think she really wants to walk alone; but in reality when you join her on the walk she is welcoming and the walk enriches you both. Since being human with the power of our minds to create stories around our experiences, it is often easier to live in an imaginary story of what happened and how we should react than to see that how we respond to an experience in this moment creates the suffering or not. Growing and aging brought new “judgments” about equality and how to discover what equality really means—not to others, but to me. The rejoicing of another’s strength or my own cannot diminish or inflate my feelings about either if I am without judgment of that person’s or my own value as a result. It was peaceful and awe inspiring to see the effects the water has played and still plays upon the landscape as it all shifts and changes imperceptibly. But there we were in front of a house that I had come to as a bride, altered it with the support of my dad and husband to accommodate our family—a house in which I had brought my children, and where I laughed and cried and planned the perfect future.
I thought of a day when the world was perfect because we were exhausted together and happy. The small trees that we had planted cast some shade now, and the flowers his wife had planted added color all around them. My friend had started them from her plants, and her husband had traveled along with her to deliver them to me and to share a few moments of time. So she and I pulled out my IPad to compare what we were hearing in my yard with the Audubon recorded bird-songs. I looked at her husband and there I saw a deep pain quickly replaced with an expression of deep love for this woman with which he has shared many years. Only then can I make a responsible choice to support the life I want with the consequences that come from making choices within the presence of acceptance. This is not a new conflict; the difference is that I am aware of the thoughts and feelings within this dynamic that create circumstances I do not wish to occur. I alone am responsible for the experiences I create and it is those experiences that enrich my life if I choose.
The rain is, the fruit is, the wood is, the carpet is, the chair is, the joy garden is, Jon Kabat-Zinn is, the peace is, and I am.
She said that when some part of the body is not used, the brain notices and will see the lack of movement as “normal.” She said the unused area becomes more and more unbalanced and eventually creates pain in the body.
I’ve told myself that life is difficult sometimes and have moved on without giving the pain its due course and attention. As I sit with that question and just relax into the moment, I feel certain that if I remain open the question will be answered; not by the intellect, but by something deeper inside me that guides my life if I choose to listen. The light from the sun had entered his eyes and body completely and radiated outward toward anyone who chose to look. As my day progressed, it was reflected back to me in the smiling eyes of those I encountered.
Many days and nights before had been extremely cold so the stream had frozen ice sculptures everywhere with running water painting different shades of gray under its surface as the moving water touched the ice in various ways.
It was time to go home and feel the loss of this neighbor I knew only slightly before his death.
Sinon, a Greek spy inside Troy, persuaded the Trojans to bring the horse within the city walls, saying that to do so would mysteriously make Troy invincible. After all, Jesus' disciples were very bright, even though most of them were not formally educated. At least 15 different language groups were represented in the crowd that day (Acts 2:9-11)! Furthermore, the sign was not ears of fire on the listeners, but tongues of fire on the ones preaching. But when the Holy Ghost fell upon Cornelius and his household, the Jews with Peter could understand the Gentiles speaking in languages other than their native tongues. Luke does not say that they received a form of tongues different from the first two examples, so we must assume that it was the same type of gift given at Pentecost. This is why Paul commanded that if they spoke in a tongue unknown to the majority, they should remain silent unless there was someone there to interpret or translate (1 Corinthians 14:28).
Clearly, the entire purpose of tongues is to cross language barriers and communicate the gospel! Today the charismatic churches are by far the most popular among the Native Americans because it is such an easy and natural transition from their old religions. A true Christian should be willing to surrender every cherished view and practice on the altar of God's will and forsake any practice that may be questionable-no matter how popular, accepted, or beloved among other Christians. Many times I’ve experienced that feeling over the years: when I married my new husband, when each of my children were borne, when a bond of female friendship was revealed to me, when I gave unconditional love to an amazing yet flawed man, when I held my grandsons the first time, when I witnessed my son-in-law’s tears at a grave site, and so many moments in nature. Many times the circumstances of life and my thoughts about them hid my beauty from me, and I could not believe others even when they shared their love and compassion for me. May I remember to look deeply into my own eyes to find love and then freely give it away to others. She literally danced to the voting booth and then out; waving and glowing as she left the precinct. The voice in my head was still, the polling precinct was quiet, and the room filled with the light of choice I had been witnessing all day. Of course, there are times when I have to say no to someone, and what I’ve found is that even that is easier when I say yes to what is transpiring in the moment and then expand the conversation or activity to make my point or acknowledge someone else’s need. But inside me deeper than even I imagined was a sense of sadness and powerlessness to change the drinking habits of my 37-year-old son.
My overall intention for my life is to love well, and of late, that seems more difficult than it has for the recent past years. It protects me and not in a way that is creative; it prevents me from living each moment as it is with an intention to hear the quiet voice that wisely guides my Life. Then from deep inside me came that still small voice, that is not the Phyllis I know; I recognized the voice as me and not me. It is a song of healing and caring for this person I am and the growing Being that awaits me with my next choice and adventure.
It does not; so I reach my hand toward it and it appears as if the light is resting upon my hand. All these objects, all those I’ve loved, and all those who have loved me are part of this one light. I may need to remain silent. I may need to speak aloud about something that is bothering me about what’s happening. It is with gratitude that I accept all the parts of me—the difficult and the pleasant—and quietly surrender to the learning that my experience offers in this moment, and the next, and the next.
Now more often I observe not to give value but to learn and to appreciate the insight that observing brings to me about me. As my hair grows and the gray is more visible, I’m reminded of what a long and remarkably healthy life I have and the freedom that brings. From the middle of the deep pink rise varying lengths of stamens with small orangey-pink, round fluffy dots at each of their tips.


There in the emails I read: We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be.
They may remark that I look like someone else, but if they truly know me, they know that I am like no one else.
When it came off the moving van five years ago, it went into the corner of the garage, because I was still not ready to let go of the memory of the healing I thought it would bring to my son. It sat and sat, and I would see it with a flood of emotions triggered by the healing and loss it represented. We stopped again to sit by the river; all I felt was deep gratitude for all the extraordinary experiences of this Life lived fully. Perhaps the thought is that living alone is not as enriching as living as a couple, but the amount of freedom that comes with living alone is amazing.
It takes a deep intention to look inside us and see those patterns, take a second look, and remind ourselves they are imaginary stories we have created to feel okay in this particular incarnation and perhaps others. Since the evolutionary process of physical “survival of the fittest,” has taught me to judge whether or not I am safe when with another, this approach to Life is challenging and yet interesting and exciting to me. Only the man, the boy, my friend and I will really know the changes created within us from these experiences. We took smiling pictures with a camera to add to our real photo albums of course, and we spoke of the skill and time that each family had given to this beautiful modest home.
As I watched them drive away, I knew this strong, courageous couple was focusing their attention on accepting and living Life fully in each moment, and I was grateful that they were part of mine! Simultaneously, I feel “less than” because I’m choosing not to do something “important” and “more than” because I feel at some level the other person isn’t capable of understanding that need. Sliding my feet along the carpet, the harder surface of my wood floor is recognized at the doorway.
She continues my therapy and she comments that my pelvic area begins to move a little, but I can’t seem to feel it.
Have I, therefore, sent a message to my intellect to override this pain and continue to function. I will not seek the answer in my mind, but I will relax into the present and observe what comes to me. I will look at my activities one by one to see if there is a second agenda lurking in the shadow of my fearful ego. As the elevator door opened, I said to his Mom that I believed he was enjoying the sunshine. In the absence of fear, it seems each of us becomes a conduit for the Light and its reflection. Many rocks upon the ground were more visible to me than usual and I wanted to pick up all of them. The small shadowed area of my own heart became visible to me as I remembered the losses that life has co-created with me. The intention to feed the love light within me healed the small shadowed part of my heart a bit more and allowed me to know the joy of this new experience. In order to fulfill the great commission, He promised to give them a unique gift from the Holy Spirit.
I will pray with the spirit, and I will pray with the understanding also: I will sing with the spirit, and I will sing with the understanding also.
Delphi was also sacred to Dionysus, the god associated with wine, fertility, and sensual dance, and to the nine Muses, patron goddesses of music. There are some things that are highly esteemed among men but are an abomination in the sight of God (Luke 16:15). Remember that the confusion of tongues at Babel was not a blessing of the Spirit, but rather a curse for their rebellion. The curious part of me whispers, “go out and take a few photos.” So dressed in my robe and slippers with camera in tow, my hands slide back the door, and I venture out. As I said “yes, and” to what she had to say, the profound lesson came that what she was saying would be an amazing way to not only do improv, it would change a life from a negative focus to a positive one.
Over the years, my daughter and I, had pleaded, threatened, and prayed for him to give up drinking. The last few years have been filled with the joy of living and remembering his life and what it brought to mine.
Do this, don’t do that, go here, stay there, love this, mistrust that; the mind chatter is overwhelming in these moments. So when discontent of the kind I’ve been experiencing of late is present within me, it puzzles me as to what I’m to learn this time. One of me is the movie my personality creates with thinking, assessing, resisting, and this me was the Seer who watches in loving amazement at times. There was a time in the past when this need would cause me to question “who I am,” and “why am I like this;” now it feels warm with acceptance like the return of an absent and beloved friend. These moments of choice step-by-step and consequence-by-consequence truly become the Life I experience. This year as I focus on creating more humility through patience, the experiences that I ‘m creating through what I’ve viewed up to now as limitations are supporting me in doing just that.
Her words say that the stamens are the pollen-bearing male part of this delicate precious flower. She never considered herself handicapped, and her acceptance has brought me bravery and added awareness that life is created by the choice to live with “what is” with courage. We are a soul having a physical experience that has the opportunity to contribute to the healing of all living beings. In the peaceful stillness, I closed my eyes and let the gurgle of the racing river wash through me as the sun shared its warmth. Perhaps your belief is that your children should behave differently, but then you see them blossom into their own lives that are very different from what you imagined. If the answer is limits, look at it and let it go for it does not serve your Life or anyone’s. With closer observation of the direction of the winds and of the angles of the sun, it becomes clear that the one that seems to be leaning-in has twisted, has transformed, and has become deeply rooted thereby protecting the other from the elements.
Our patterned reaction may not be the healthiest response in this moment, and if it is not, it may be wise to make a different choice. It was clear to me that as a male, he had automatically assumed that the woman in his relationship had to have been weaker or less assertive for inequality to exist. Later a call came that a skunk, which appeared to have a broken leg, was outside the restaurant by the golf course. Life is by definition impermanent and the cultivation of acceptance has been my yearlong intention since Winter Solstice of last year.
I remembered a summer of disruption as Dad added the addition and my son walked in the foundation ditches and later put nails into the exposed electrical outlets. In that moment of presence, their togetherness seemed all that truly mattered, and I was touched by their love for each other.
I’ve watched the French Open and seen the victory there as a moment in time that is relevant only to the lives involved.
She says that’s okay because the movement is subtle, but necessary to maintain the health of the back and ultimately the nerve in that area.
I will trust the Universal force to support me in my learning and relax into the pain, feel it deeply in the moment; I will no longer resist the discomfort, but welcome it in with whatever message it brings. I’ve read, baked cookies, watched the birds out my window, slept late, meditated, done yoga, watched old movies, and just stayed in my home with just me.
If I find one, I will look to see what I can learn from that situation in the present moment. What a waste of my day!” These thoughts were still in my head as I entered the glass elevator with a few others on the top deck of the parking garage. When it seemed I should do so a sudden stillness appeared with a different message that said, “Leave the rocks in place;” so I did. Once again gratitude for what “is” trumped the sadnesses of past experiences and the fears for the future. His memorial was held and the entire community turned out to support his family and to say goodbye to him.
He was a photographer with the tenacity and perfectionism to create a new business and share the beauty of our mountain community with the sick and the well alike. After killing the Trojan guards, they opened the gates to the waiting Greek soldiers, and Troy was captured and burned.
It was a miraculous, supernatural ability to speak foreign languages they had not formerly studied or known for the purpose of spreading the Gospel. Then, after Pentecost, they in turn carried their new faith home to their respective countries.
Now absorbed in the beauty of the ocean, focused on the view in the camera, and not feeling my feet, my body tumbles down on the lower deck, my camera flies off into the grass about one foot from the lily pond.
As more new-generation voters came to exercise their right to choose along with others that had been voting for a long time, it reminded me of how precious this right is to Americans. As he voted, we prepared to go outside to collect “Zach’s” vote from the truck, being careful to follow procedures that would allow his ballet to be cast privately.
What I have never written about is how difficult and how painful it was to be the Mother of a dying son, and what Life was like for me when I could no longer touch his physical presence. No longer do I pretend that losing a son’s physical presence is easy, no longer do I need to be that strongest person in the room, no longer do I hide that losing him changed my own life in ways I could not have imagined. I smiled with the recognition that it is the Seer that I can trust and I let the Story of discontent go. The need for change calls to be embraced with wonder and welcoming; it is part of the personality that has formed my human experience for as long as I can remember. I try again; I want to catch the light and hold it, but the flame of the candle cannot be held, it must shine wherever it will or it disappears. Without judgment of how things should be, we can simply shine and bask in each other’s light. His physical body left us nine years ago, but for me his spirit is in the sound of the wind through the treetops and in the light of an early Easter morning sunrise. And as I chuckle at this thought that is now present, my perception of losing some short-term memory gives me ample time to remember the most important thing: what is the present moment offering me as an opportunity. My mother says, behind the flower the great sun, which I feel on my face, casts a dark surrounding edge that make the blossom even more vivid and creates a shadow of the stamens on the petal itself.
The light shining in her sea foam green eyes reflects what she is seeing through my voice and her other senses.
As a physical manifestation of a living Universe with unique skills, hopes, dreams, and personalities, how much healing we contribute is up to each of us for we have free will to choose what we will create.
In the words of Lamott, I am truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who I was born to be. The strength coming back into his body was coming too late for him to survive this incarnation, but he seemed to love his experiences on the bike. Because of their ages, that would be a very long time into the future, but it was the logic I used to hold on to this small symbol of my son’s longing for health and my own. Because they are almost 100 years old, their roots under the surrounding plants, rocks, and soil are entwined with and supportive of each other in ways that cannot be undone.
Since I did not feel he was open to the idea that this assumption was in and of itself telling about his view of equality, I just said there are many kinds of strength and the subject was ended.
I’ve dressed to go biking and yet I stayed in the drama unfolding at the French Open as if it had some significance in my own life. Time to make the smoothie that has become a part of my mornings of late: cantaloupe, pineapple, blueberries, yogurt, strawberries, apples, and raspberries.
For so long, I have worked to be conscious, to be authentic, to be present, and in that moment, the part of me that feels sorry for myself was active yet again. Thirty minutes into the walk, the falls appeared in the distance; they seemed frozen solid.
This week as I gazed at the two photos, the child and the woman, it dawned on me that the beauty of love has always been within me patiently waiting for me to rediscover it. With the wisdom that I was changing my own life not his, I decided to offer him my support for sobriety one more time. The silence of deep meditation, the practice to live in this moment, and the awareness that we are a part of something bigger than our physical being have supported me to accept and heal from the things I can not change. As we close our eyes and state our intentions for the week, I feel his love and send him mine. I am filled with love and gratitude for the ability to write my thoughts and feelings down in a way that enriches and expresses my experiences.
Each day the intention to live in fear of losing a physical existence that is inevitable carries us away from the love that is the essence of the Life we all share. When I took it to be restored with new tires, etc., the repairman remarked on how well it was made and how unworn it appeared. This deep presence and seeing of their combined lives bring a growing appreciation of connectedness.
By convention, equiluxes are the days where sunrise and sunset are closest to being exactly 12 hours apart.
His physical pain during the discussion expressed itself in a visible expressed pain in his chest as he talked about the need to live a more solitary Life to insure his freedom to be himself. I have a deep knowing that no matter what my perception is in the moment, the Universe is a friendly supportive force within me that “does not take sides, but seeks only balance.” It is my intention to have compassion for what I hear and see and to learn the lesson of impermanence as I witness it in nature.
What mattered was the memory of love and support that flowed through the energy of the house into me and then to my daughter’s family. Their smells mingle with the sounds of the rain and for a moment the blender whirl drowns out all other sounds. With the absence of resistance to my feelings as they were in that moment, my heart reopened to the beauty and life that was represented by all the parts of the watery heart below. He created gardens that he said, “just evolved.” Their colorful landscapes are a testimony to his ability and actions that put his beauty into the world around him. Since staying here on the deck doesn’t seem to be an option, I pull myself up, retrieve my camera (bent but not broken), and shuffle back to my room and sit silently on the bed. The deep wound of loss affected many of my relationships and still I clung to the strength of knowing that I had done the “right” thing. Without the wisdom and acceptance of or “surrender” to each moment as it is, I cannot choose an appropriate action with a conscious intent and honor my need to live authentically in this moment, and the next, and the next.
Her voice falls upon my ears and her words become my thoughts, and I imagine with great specificity how the cherry blossom appears and admire its beauty. This cherry blossom is magnificent, and the glory of its connection to this growing child leaves me speechless and filled with awe for this blessed life. Perhaps your belief is that there is only one Path to God and that prevents you from appreciating all those who believe in a different God than yours. Depending on where you stand, they are framed by the sky above, or the garden below, or by the giant stone arches of the porch. There is evidence that we are still there as surely as we are here through our choices to give of ourselves. He said, “No, I’ll just walk up to the edge of the golf course.” His demeanor seemed unusual, but I dismissed it and returned to the game my friend and I were sharing. I glide to the coffee maker and the smell of coffee is strong enough to feel like I taste it already. Clearly as the sun moved and warmed the pool, the light would grow and the shadowed frozen area of the pool would diminish. But what stood out during his memorial service, as one after the other went to the lectern to speak, was his love for his wife of 34 years.
My body is tired, my mood is gray like the clouds above the ocean, and self-doubt seems to have taken me over. He had stopped answering his phone and his friends called me to say they thought he was dying. Perhaps your thoughts are that your thoughts are true and you do not question further how best to live your Life with yourself or in relationship to others. The annoyance I felt in my body as I viewed his pain turned into compassion and acceptance for us both.
The back legs and rear of the frog were already in the snake’s mouth and the frog’s body was badly bloated as its eyes bulged, its front legs kicked, and it sought freedom from the snake.
My choice to visit the past because I love my daughter created a rare opportunity to catch a glimpse of time passing in the present, and my gratitude for my daughter and our choices to share our Life sang within my heart; a reminder and then a another memory of time passing in the present! I smile at the wonder of just being present without thinking something should be different than it is.
This need to understand everything that happens has been a recurring theme for as long as I can remember. In that moment, under his white hair and beyond his aging body, there was the light of youth and his eyes held the same excitement I had witnessed in the young girl that morning. The last five years had been a roller coaster ride of emotions for me as he was better and then not better over and over again.
I could do this and I began a long path of self-healing without the courage to ask for support directly. Perhaps you have doubts about your own goodness and forget to look at the generosity that has been a major thread of your Life. Earlier that day, a dog had stumbled upon a hornet’s nest and had been stung badly, and a staff member went looking for the nest to eliminate it so humans could walk the path without being stung. If I understand it then I can accept it, or more accurately change it; or so my Story goes. Meditation had supported me in staying centered enough to love my daughter and her family, support my partner’s interests, hold a demanding job, and attempt to just enjoy and learn about my life. Perhaps your belief is that friends and family should be more open hearted and open minded and so you close your heart and mind to them. It is the most reoccurring event involving injury that comes to the attention of the Nature Foundation. They are delicious and colorful in contrast to the dark quiet of the room and the day outside my window.
Yet in the church I had rather speak five words with my understanding, that by my voice I might teach others also, than ten thousand words in an unknown tongue. My thought was that the bees were there first and should be left alone to resettle into their lives.
On this glorious October day, I felt that I had done everything I could and my body sagged from the weight of wanting him to be different. It is hard to express all that I saw through the visual memory there in our first small house. If any man speak in an unknown tongue, let it be by two, or at the most by three, and that by course; and let one interpret.
It took him some time to physically fill out the ballot, and it was my honor to wait for him.
For me, Zach’s light infused the darkness around the truck and as I looked from my fellow poll worker’s eyes to Zach’s son-in-law’s eyes, they seemed to glow with something unexplainable. Not to mention that I enthusiastically pass this little gem on to my health-coaching clients in an effort to incite some calm into their world.Every time you're faced with a stressful situation, when you're working at something without a return or when your ego and emotions get the better of you, just look to these three steps.
During hard times, you can’t (unfortunately) go back in time and undo what’s been done, but you can accept the current situation and approach it from a totally different perspective. Claire shows her corporate, private and group clients how to live… Read more Claire Obeid is a Hatha Yoga Teacher, Holistic Health Coach and creator of The Wellness Project.



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