From the Dec. 2014 edition of Carolina Journal, a monthly journal of news analysis and opinion from the John Locke Foundation

McCrory's Christmas Gift List Shows He's No Grinch (a CJ parody)

Santa McCrory greets, from left, Tim Moore, Gene Nichol, William Barber, and Phil Berger. (CJ spoof photo)

By H.O. Hoheaux
Holiday Correspondent

RALEIGH — With the holidays approaching, Carolina Journal has learned that Gov. Pat McCrory plans a 2015 "charm offensive" targeting legislative leaders, his most ardent left-of-center critics, and other key players in N.C. politics and public policy. A series of internal memos uncovered by CJ details several pieces of the governor's campaign, including a list of potential Christmas gifts for people across the political spectrum.

"These gifts ought to help the governor and his colleagues and critics open a new chapter in 2015," according to the unsigned memo that includes the gift list. "We know the governor is looking forward to another outstanding year of moving North Carolina forward, and he wants as many people as possible to work with him in helping the state achieve its goals."

Topping the list: Two copies of former U.S. Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott's 2005 book, Herding Cats: A Life In Politics. "These books should go to Reps. Tim Moore and Mike Hager, the newly designated leaders of the N.C. House Republican caucus," according to the memo. "With 74 GOP members pursuing a range of ideas, proper cat-herding techniques might prove especially valuable."

For Senate leader Phil Berger, R-Rockingham, the list recommends a puppy. "Thanks to those on staff who recommended a lump of coal, or even a small pile of coal ash, but we really are trying to turn a page with Sen. Berger," the memo said. "What could be better than a puppy? Plus this has the added bonus of nudging the senator a little closer to supporting the first lady's high-priority puppy mill legislation."

For the Rev. William Barber, president of the N.C. NAACP and founder of the Moral Monday protests outside the state Legislative Building, the list recommends a two-year supply of Ricola throat lozenges. "We will continue to push legislation that's designed to improve North Carolinians' lives through lower tax burdens, less regulation, and more educational choice, so we know the Rev. Barber will be busy protesting again," according to the memo. "We wouldn't want him to hurt his voice."

For the senior staff at the N.C. Association of Educators, the list calls for a set of handheld calculators. "Those folks don't seem to understand that you can't cut the education budget by $500 million if the education budget actually increased by $1 billion," the memo said. "Maybe these calculators will help them avoid making such a silly mistake again in 2015."

For Gene Nichol of the Center on Poverty, Work, and Opportunity in Chapel Hill, the list recommends a thesaurus. "Professor Nichol seems to have worn out his list of over-the-top descriptions of conservative politicians and policy proposals," according to the memo. "Perhaps the thesaurus will help him come up with even more colorful, inflammatory, and downright wacky adjectives for the op-eds he's bound to write when we continue to pursue good policies in the year ahead."